who said family had to be blood (zombieland male reader insert)

chapter 2 3's better then 2

*columbus pov*

a nother rule to surviving zombieland travel light and I dont meen just luggage .I've all way been kind of a loner i avoided people like they were zombies even before they were zombies.now that they are all zombies i kind of miss people.so im on my way from my college dorm in texas to columbus ohio hoping my perants are still alive even though we weren't really close it just be nice to see a femilere face or any face thet didn't have blood between its lips and flesh between its teeth

I herd what sounded like a car engine so I turned towards it

there was a catalac with a snow shovle on the front plowing through every vehicle in its way

oh thats not friend

I got behind a car clutching my double barrel

the catalac stopped just infront of me so I set up a dirt bike to use as cover in case I got shot at

the door swung open and a guy in his 40's dressed in sterio tipical red kneck clothing stepped out

I was just shacking because this guy clearly was more experienced then me

he took his sunglasses off,through them aside and amed a shorted repeater at me

just then a nother guy stepped out of the car he was dressed in a black police jacket,had a thick leather brace over his left leg and an old ww1 trench gun

then a dog walk out and started growing

ok im out numbered,out gunned and if I try to shoot either of them the dog might rip my throat out

I hold my thumb out in a hitch hicker way still shacking

they both noded and walked back to the car

I grabbed my bag and walked over to the pasinger door

columbus" thank you"

I got in the front seat and looked in the back seat as rule 31 told me to do

???" what are you looking for?"

columbus" oh nother I just have this list"

???2" nothing back here except me and elly"

columbus" ok so what are your names"

???2" I dont do names but my real name is (y/n) but don't call me that unless you can prove that you won't die"

ok something happened to this guy

I look over at the other man explaining a response

???"no names keeps us from getting to femilere"

he pulls his knife out and almost hit a bottle buy his gear shifter

columbus"you almost knocked over your alcohol with your knife"

he grabbed the bottle and started to open it

columbus" oh its ok you don't have to-"

???" so we're you heading?"

columbus" columbus you?"

???" tallahassee"

he hands me and (y/n) a shot glass

off course im not going to drink it so when there both not looking I just threw it out of the window

tallahassee" more?"

columbus" oh no one for me one and done i always say I said that once. you know tallahassee and columbus are both east"

tallahassee" so"

columbus"so tallahassee,(y/n) wanna stick together at least for a while?"

tallahassee" heres the deal columbus. im not easy to get along with and I'm sending you a bit of a bitch. so I'll give this relationship to about texorcana"

ok that works for me

columbus" really yeah you take me as far as texorcana"

immediately I put on my seat belt

tallahassee" you a packy little spit fuck arnt you"

tallahassee then starts the engine

columbus" you both might wanna buckle up for safety"

(y/n)" I can tell you'll be a pain in my ass"

even though teaming up wasn't my style I figured I'd be safer with tallahassee (y/n) because they were both in the ass kicking bisnis and bisnis is good but it became apparent that they both had a weakness eatch

we were standing over a hill side looking at 2 crashed trucks

columbus" what are we doing here?"

tallahassee " well take a look its a hostess truck and a cola truck"

columbus " yea I can see that a cola truck and hostess truck so what?"

tallahassee" I could use a twinke"

(y/n)" and I need a pepsi"

they both walked towards the slope but stop and tern to me

tallahassee" you coming?"

columbus"yes yea one second"

I start limbering up as rule 18 says

tallahassee" are you fucking with us?"

columbus" oh no but you two should actually limber up as well especially if we are going down that hill it is very important"

tallahassee " I dont believe in it you ever see a lion limber up before it takes down a gezel?"

(y/n)" or a shark before it kills a seal?"

both of them brught up some good ponts

tallahassee started walking down the hill and (y/n) looked at elly

(y/n)" stay here girl bark if you see anything"

elly sits down twitching her ears

(y/n) starts walking down the hill with me following behind

columbus" thats pritty cool you taught you dog to do that.i never had a dog"

(y/n)" yea Well she, my guns aand my jacket are the only memories of my past.plus she helps when I get lonely"

what happened to this man

tallahassee made it to the back doors of the hostess truck with his repeater in his hand,(y/n) had his trench gun and I had my double barrel. we were ready for a fight

tall opened the door and sno balls came out just sno balls

I grab a packet and start eating it

tallahassee started digging through the mountain of sno balls

tallahassee" sno balls SNO BALLS WHERES THE FUCK TWINKE"

columbus " I like sno balls"

(y/n)" I hate coconut"

tallahassee " I do to not the tast the consistency"

(y/n) walked over to the pepsi truck and kicked the doors open but all that came out was fruty fanta

and he was not happy about that

(y/n)" no no nonononono NO WHERES MY PEPSI"

tallahassee" id rather drink a rats piss then even touch a can of that discussion fanta.normal fanta is fine but multi frut fanta is shit"

the both then look at me

tallahassee" this twinke thing it ain't over"

(y/n)" and im geting my pepsi"

I grabbed a second packet of sno balls as they started walking back to the catalac

but my I.b.s was acting up

columbus" hey I know this is a bad time but I gotta take the browns to the superboul"

(y/n)" really?"

columbus" really"