Blood of the Covenant (bxb)

Chapter Fifteen: Diamonds, Bows, and Crows

Tyler's POV

When I was a kid, I had a habit of getting sucked into other people's schemes. I remember countless tall tales being told on the playground. Plans for fame, riches, glory, all brewed in the minds of children whose parents probably didn't give them enough attention at home. One said there were diamonds buried beneath the mound of dirt that served as home base in the corner of the fenced-in field beyond our playground. One insisted that we should make bows of thin sticks and pilfered string so we could run away from school and make our own lives in the forests. In the second grade, I even joined something of a cult of kids who all firmly believed they were shapeshifters. I allowed myself to be convinced I was a shapeshifter, too. When they asked me what I turned into, I told them the first animal I saw: A crow. I remember the sight of the crow even now. It was perched atop the fence that surrounded the playground, unaffected by the sounds of children playing within the chain-link. I was so convinced I was a crow, I stopped eating foods that needed bites taken out of them. Burgers, sandwiches, even ice cream. I would only eat morsels of meat, cubes of cheese and vegetables, and small pieces of chips and crackers. Only things that would fit into a crow's beak.

It's always been easy to get... caught up in things. I am a follower without question, never a leader. I searched for the diamonds. I attempted to shoot a sparrow with my flimsy little bow. I ran around the school, flapping my arms and cawing because I thought I was a crow.

So on the drive home, anxiety clouding my mind, I decide that I have to stop and think. I pull over to the side of the mountain road, needing to take a moment of clarity before I enter my house and have to lie endlessly about where I've been and what I've been doing. Not only that, but I have to be Tyler the Asshole again. I have to think of smart-alecky, "normal" things to say to Julia and my parents. I can't be myself.

Is this the diamonds, or the bow, or the crow again? Have I allowed myself to get swept up in something insane because I just want to fit in? Am I acting in my own best interest, or am I wasting my time? Am I achieving anything, or will other people think I'm a maniac?

Now, in the calm and quiet of my car, away from Ethan, I wait for dread or guilt or panic to sink in. The only whisper of anything negative I feel is when I force myself to confront the fact that I kissed my sister's boyfriend. Julia has nothing nice to say about me, and the feeling is mutual. Still, we love each other. I would kill anyone for her. Hell, I would die for my sister. I like to think she would do the same for me.

And I kissed the only boy she has ever truly loved.

But he's mine, I think to myself. Not hers.

It doesn't matter. She thinks he is hers. That's what matters.

An evil thought strikes me. Is Ethan just a cheater? Is this all just an elaborate lie for him to get off?

I dismiss the thought immediately. Ethan has been nothing but good to Julia. He wouldn't throw away his relationship just to fuck me. Not to mention, he hasn't fucked me. And he has to know I won't let him until he ends things with Julia. And this lie involved so many other people. His father, Karmen, Misty, even Darla and April. He would have had to convince all of them to help him fool me.

No. I don't believe it. It's simply unbelievable. Guys our age have a reputation of saying whatever they have to in order to get laid, but this is too much.

I feel stupid for kissing him. I feel silly and... caught up. I didn't think. I didn't consider the long-term consequences of kissing him. I shouldn't have done it. I should have waited.

Maybe... maybe that's the point. I spend so much of my life carefully planning, carefully considering each word I say and every movement I make. Maybe I should just let myself get caught up. Maybe I should focus on finally letting myself have happiness and leave the unpleasantness for the future.