METANOIA

CHAPTER 2 "AGOWILT"

AGOWILT
(n.) sudden fear, sickening fear

The two teenagers sat in front of Kallan's favourite film, Colins rolling his eyes for the umpteenth time at another romantic scene. He had lost at rock paper scissors which allowed Kallan to put Sexy Dance on the big screen in the disappointed blond man's room.

But when Kallan's phone rings a few times, he pauses the film to discover with surprise the identity of the person who sent him two messages, Colins next to him thanking God for the television being turned off.

"That's Eden... I think." He murmurs as he unlocks his phone. "She's asking if I'm free tomorrow after school to start work... At her place." His gaze shifts from the phone to his friend now sitting opposite him.

"Tell her it's okay." Colins looking at Kallan.

"No, i'm not. I'd be more comfortable at school." The boy plays nervously with the metal jewel stuck in his tongue. "And it's embarrassing.

— You're acting like it's a big deal to go to a girl's house." Colins smiled. "Remember Cassy? In the end it went well and you got a good grade.

— Maybe, but I don't like Eden so I can't see myself getting comfortable at her place. Whereas in high school, I'd be more in that work mood."

Colins looks at Kallan lies down on the sofa with a defeated and resigned look on his face, crossing his arms behind his head. He blows out a breath then closes his eyes.

"Too bad. You're ruining every man's dream.

— How so?" Kallan lifts his head from his phone. His eyes drifting over his friend's face.

"You know..." He whispers suddenly. "Grey. You know? Like... Grey.

— The movie or the book?

— The one about sex.

— Both do." Kallan rolls his eyes.

"I hear she has a room just like him, identical." He smiles with his eyes still closed as if trying to visualize that room in his mind. "Honestly getting dominated isn't my thing but she, I'll let her do it. I mean look at her."

Kallan frowned before slapping the other boy's shoulder.

"Nonsense. You're just basing that on the fact that she has the same last name."

Colins lifts himself up on his elbow to ink his gaze into his friend's, waving his index finger right and left in front of his nose in protest.

"She's a sex machine.

— How would you know?

— Rumours.

— Not all rumours are true all the time.

— But they're not necessarily all false." Collins shrugs. "But poor men like us will never be able to find out."

Kallan was curious, if you can put it that way. Having never had sex, this unknown world intrigued him, but he would never dare tell Colins about it, Colins might teach him in detail and he didn't need that. It would be too awkward.

Everything he knew now about sex he owed to porn. And although it was something that all teenagers his age did, he would never understand how anyone could be so open about it. To talk about something as intimate as this like the boys did in the locker room. Maybe he was too uptight, too shy, too reserved.

And he didn't understand why the woman always looked like she was suffering in these videos, always put down.

So of course he never made the difference between those videos and reality thinking that women always had to be submissive during the act and he always had the same opinion about that, it was lame.

But now knowing that in real life a woman could have this dominant role, meaning, that it was her real kink without playing a role made him curious.

"I'll ask her if we can meet at the high school library."

Colins nods watching Kallan pursing his lips. A habit the boy has when he is embarrassed and stressed. Tapping on the keyboard, he is careful not to make any spelling mistakes before pushing the send button.

"I did it.

— I proud of you." The blond man mocks him.

Kallan hits his friend's shoulder. "You don't know what it feels like to be like that.

— It's true, but you make no effort to overcome your fear or whatever it is.

— I try.

— Try harder.

— And how?

— Come with me to Lev's party on friday." Colins nods at his own sentence nodding his head up and down. "This will be the first step of your reintegration, I mean, integration into social life. »

Lev is the captain of the basketball team, he is far too tall, far too platinum blond and far too muscular.

« You talk about me as if I wasn't able to talk to people." He rolls his eyes.

"Then come to the party. Prove me wrong.

— No, the music's too loud, people are rubbing all over the place and they stink of sweat.

— That's what we call a party, honey.

— Don't call me that." He sends his friend a threatening look. "I'm not comi-

— You're scared. " The blond boy cut off his friend.

The tongue pierced boy arched an eyebrow, wondering if he had heard what he had heard.

"I'm coming."

And now it is the older man's turn to wonder if he heard right. Happy, he takes his phone and sends a message to his team captain to let him know that Kallan will come to the party.

"but I give my requirements first." The blond man nods with a smile on his face. "You're not leaving me alone, if by accident it happens do everything you can to find me.

— You know a party has two purposes: to have fun and to meet people, if we just stay the two of us all the time and we're avoiding everyone, the second purpose of the party isn't successful.

— So I'm not going.

— The two of us till death do us part." Colins looks solemn and gives a thumbs up.

Kallan smiles happy that he has agreed very easily. His attention is again drawn to his phone which vibrates once. It was Eden again. Telling him that it doesn't bother her.

When the two boys finished the film. Kallan decides to go home as it is getting late. Greeting Colins' parents, he comes out of the Davis house and walks for a short minute before pushing the gate to the fence of his house. Once the small gate closes, a heavy mass slams into his lap.

"Bolt, i missed you too." He laughs softly.

He strokes the dog's white hair as Bolt rubs the side of his head against his thigh. If his life could only consist of moments with his family, Bolt and Colins, he would be the happiest of all men.

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