I want to talk a little more about what I hallucinate.
Apart from the three I talked about last chapter, I see a lot of different things. People, animals, objects, lights, voices, and touch.
I've grown quite used to the voices inside my head.
There is something that I would like to say.
Personally, the voices inside my head sound human. They do not sound incredibly deep and fake as many simulators depict.
They sound human with nothing much to identify them with. 95% of the time, all they do is comment on things going on around me, whatever I'm doing, shout out random words or noises, or demand I do something that I should definitely not do, both to others and myself.
It can be very difficult to hold a conversation when you have three other voices talking about other stuff.
Imagine you're talking with a friend and then the voice shouts, "PUNCH THEM!"
You have to ignore them. Especially if they become upset and continue to demand it of you.
I will make up a conversation with my book characters to try and show you what it is like for me.
Bold: me
Italics: other person I'm speaking with
Underline: hallucinations
"Hm? Oh, hey Bun Overlord!"
"Oh hey, Julie!"
"Shit, you smell! You smell she can smell you! She thinks you're gross..."
"How's life goi-"
"Stab her!"
"Sorry, what was that?"
"DID YOU SEE THE WAY SHE LOOKED AT YOU!? Oh, she's annoyed. She doesn't like you."
-later walking down the street in silence -
Hey, stop looking at the floor. Oh, look. She looked at us. She thinks you're ugly.
Careful there's a man walking towards you.
R*pe!
YOU'RE BEING FOLLOWED! LOOK BEHIND YOU!
...there's no one there...
They're hiding. They're watching you.
This world is not real. You're being studied by scientists to see how humans will react to different events. No one is real.
...shut up
"LOOK OUT FOR THOSE PARKED CARS! They're waiting for you! Don't get near!
Shit your pants.
...excuse me? I will be doing no such thing...
Please feel free to reach out and ask any questions in the comments.
YOU ARE READING
Schizoaffective Disoder
Non-FictionI'm not sure why I'm writing this. It's not a book, it's me feeling overwhelmed and feeling like if I talk about this with "real" people , I'll look for an attention seeker. PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM NOT A DOCTOR. DO NOT USE THIS BOOK TO SELF DIAGNOSE...
