Schizoaffective Disoder

6

It's very frustrating to not know what's real and what's fake.

It's really annoying to be enjoying a shower and suddenly someone is pounding at the door when you're home alone.

It's annoying to be sitting on the couch, putting on your work shoes, and someone whistles and calls your name but it was no one.

It's annoying to be eating cereal and trying to find out what you'll write next in a story and see someone lean across the wall and stare at you. You look up and expect to see your family member but they duck away and when you ask around, no one will admit it.

It's annoying to try to fall asleep when suddenly every hair on your body stands up and your mind is screaming that someone is hovering above you.

It's annoying to be minding your own business and it feels like someone grabbed your arm.

Interacting with people is hell.

It feels like you're bothering them by just speaking.

Refusing to leave the house because you're convinced something bad will happen is not fun.

Being on meds that can worsen your symptoms is not fun. Especially when it can take two months for the pills to kick in so you have to take them everyday bud it gets tiresome.

At this point, I'm not sure how I feel myself.

How am I supposed to feel?

How do I know if any of this is real?

This has all been written in three different days, so if it doesn't make sense, sorry?

Right now, I feel like someone is reading over my shoulder but I'm alone and against a wall.

I also feel like the cameras are back.

Rows and rows of cameras watching me.

I feel like I need to go back to the hospital to be kept under watch.

I don't know why.

This was all written two months ago.

I talked to my therapist and they explained that it was me being overwhelmed by the diagnosis.

I'm doing better now, but my visual hallucinations are getting a bit worse for some reason.