Grian Oneshots PT2

18 ~ Pushing It Down [2/3]

TW: Sleep issues; Threats; Knives; Puke; Haphephobia; Identity Issues; Guilt; Grian Gaslights himself (?); Panic attack (?); Murder; Cannibalism; Suicide; Torture;  Past Abuse; Past Neglect; Alcoholism; Self-harm; Nightmares;

Grian talks with Etho, while memories of the past run through his mind. He ends up explaining far too much about highschool then he originally intended.

~

Grian didn't want to get out of bed. He wanted to stay laying in the comfort of his bed and drift off into a nightmare-less sleep once more. He wanted to stay in this new found comfort. He wanted more of this, because he knew the nightmares would return soon.

Nightmares of what he did. Nightmares of what happened. Nightmares of what he could lose if it ever came out.

Grian groaned as he sat up. He ached for a comfort from a long time before. The small comfort he got from the parrot stuffie he held above anything.

The small but also immense comfort it gave him, was a comfort that had disappeared when the blue one had died. Because the blue one wasn't weak and never needed comfort. And he had became the Blue one, so he hadn't needed it anymore. Despite his pleading, it had been thrown away.

He frowned as he looked at the shelf. Despite his only childhood comfort being long gone, he'd always kept an area clear for the stuffed blue macaw he'd give the world to hold again.

He stood up and rubbed his eyes as he pushed himself away from the comfort he ached to have once more. Honestly, if he fell asleep again it would be plagued with nightmares as always. He was far too awake anyway.

Walking to his closet, he stretched. His wings thudded softly against his back. He really needed a stretch for his wings, he needed to preen them sometime this week too. His feathers were itchy.

What had Impulse suggested again?

Grian rubbed his eye as he looked in the mirror. He should brush his hair before he goes anywhere.

Etho, right? That had been what Impulse suggested. Etho had issues with touch like he did. And fae were across the island.

Grian huffed as he reached for a brush. Etho - unless fae were buying from Boatem, would be working on faer base. - Plus it was a No Fly Club space. Grian frowned and began brushing his hair.

...

Grian felt bad, but also somewhat relieved. He had been avoiding people on the way to Etho's base. He'd almost ran into the more touchy-touchy hermits, and he felt guilty.

Now as he stepped to Etho's door, he questioned if this was the correct door. Fae did base with Iskall this season - Grian had really wanted to make a gender joke when they first based together, but neither they or fae would get it. Most of the Hermits wouldn't completely get it either. - but Grian was hesitant to continue.

The physical contact wasn't too bad, and he could just deal with it. His friends really didn't need to change the way they acted around him because of... because of this stupid no physical contact. Hell, he had dealt with it his entire life! Why did he even bother telling Impulse... why did he feel guilty that he regretted it...?

Grian sighed before knocking on the door. Even if he didn't talk about his physical contact issues, he could talk with Etho about pranks. As long as that stupid feeling he felt around Impulse stayed with only Impulse.

"Oh, hello Grian." Etho greeted opening faer door.

Grian blinked and smiled to Etho. He had been so caught up he hadn't noticed the door being opened.