best

48

Our flight to New York was long, but thankfully Nick slept through most of it.

And before we knew it, we were Ubering to our apartment, checking in and setting up the small amount of things that we had brought, shortly realizing that we wouldn't even have a bed until the guys were here.

I texted the guys continuous updates about how we made it, asking how their drive was going and that everything was great for us.

The three of us went to Walmart, buying food, a big air mattress, a few towels and just a few other things that we needed for tonight.

We baked pizza for dinner and fixed up the air mattress, knowing the three of us would fit comfortably on it.

I let Nick shower first before I went after him and soon him and I got comfortable on the air mattress, waiting on Bailey to join us.

"So bubba, I'm not going to be seeing you as much anymore." I spoke calmly to him, watching him nod

The guys and myself had been talking to him about this, hoping to make it not as bad for him when it came to leaving me here

"I know, but the guys said we will come visit often." He smiled firmly to me, making me nod

"Yeah- and when we can't see each other in person, we can FaceTime, or text, or send videos on Snapchat, whatever you want to do." I told him calmly.

From that point on I talked to him about how much I loved him and how much the guys love both of us.

"And I'm only able to move here with confidence, because I know the guys are going to take the best care of you. I wouldn't trust anyone else to ever watch you." I told him with a smile.

"Even mom or dad?" He turned his head as he asked.

"Well, of course I'd trust them, if they were here." I spoke calmly, running my fingers through his hair.

"But- we can look at it this way."

"Mom and dad are always here, they're just here in a different way. I think they're watching us always and they're protecting us, I even think that they're helping and protecting the guys." I told him, watching him play with my necklace around my neck, smiling as he did.

"I think Luke is my dad." He spoke to me, making me nod slowly.

"He's not your birth dad." I explained slowly.

"Your birth mom and dad left a while ago, but they loved you so much." I explained in the easiest way possible, not ever wanting him to forget them.

"But- I think God gave you and I both another dad." I smiled, seeing him immediately smile.

"So can I call Luke, Dad?" He asked slowly.

"I'm sure Luke would love that, but ask him to be sure."

Soon Bailey joined us, Nick changing the conversation to God suddenly, which was as touchy topic for me, but I continued the conversation, praying that God wouldn't put him through half of the trials he put me through.

Bailey had a close relationship with God, which I loved. I loved the talks he would have with Nick about God and everything he has done for him.

My version of God was certainly different. I had a rough life, I watched my mom die, I saw my dad dead and then I raised my little brother in a house with no electricity and was hustling for money at the age of seventeeen.

But yet, I knew he was real.
I knew there was something bigger to all of this.
Why he chose to put me through so much? I'm not sure.
But God, am I thankful that he came through with Luke, Michael, Calum and Ashton.

"Sissy, do you want to tell God anything?" Nick asked, making me realize that him and Bailey must've been praying.

"Sure, Nick." I spoke, glancing to Bailey, who was smiling to me.

I cleared my throat.

"Thank you God, for giving us the opportunity to be here and to be safe. I pray that you bring our families here safely as well and that you help Bailey and I through our next few weeks in the big city." I spoke to the ceiling, wondering if he was actually listening

I felt Nick grab my hand, holding it.

"And I pray that you always keep Nick safe." I spoke out loud

But in my head, I continued

Please don't show him how cruel this world is, just yet. Don't let him be naive, but don't let him face anything alone. Let him remember how much I love him and how I'm only one phone call away, at all times. Love him endlessly.

Then I prayed for my guys

I prayed for their safety.
I prayed that they would always be here to love Nick as he deserved.
I prayed that they would always know how much I love and appreciate them.

So if you're listening and you can actually hear this, thank you God

For all of my boys.
For bringing me out of the life that I had called hell and bringing me to New York, with a guy that I think I love.

And for giving me a family that will always support every decision I make, as long as I'm happy.