sober | j.jk

19 ‣ you're so

Jungkook opens the door after a single set of knocks. He was already standing by, but you could only assume so far. "No need to go find me." You tell him, hating the way your heartbeat always makes itself more prominent when he's close. You always chose to ignore this. Now it's a little impossible. "We can talk here or go somewhere else if that's more comfortable, not that I should even be considerate enough with you to be thinking of your comfort—"

"I don't know what you talked about with Gyeom but if he said anything about me or how I—um," Jungkook cuts himself off like he had done to you, "forget it, I don't even—never mind." His words slow, coordinating with the way his body seems to force itself into a more relaxed state. "Come in." He steps back, offering you entrance to his humble living quarters like a weird, punctured balloon. You walk back into the room you'd been in not too long ago as leisurely as you can fake.

Truthfully, you don't know where to start. Do you ask him if what he expressed was really what he thought of you? Would that make it seem like you care too much what he thinks? Would it make it obvious in any way shape or form that you might—? No. Let's not go there. "Why are you so obnoxious?" The question slips out naturally, caught in the inevitability strong flow of the bitter resentment he's built against him. For the first time ever, the tone of voice you carry scares him.

Because I like you and I'm the world's biggest idiot. Because I like you and I have no fucking clue how to show it properly. Because I like you and I'm a stupid immature dumb-dumb who's pride and reputation have stupid irrational standards that I shouldn't even care about. Because I like you and I was insecure. None of these phrases make their way out of his mouth. Not one. "I'm sorry." Is all Jungkook can say to you. "I'm so sorry, Nine." And again. How unfair.

"That doesn't answer my question." You don't want to be so cold, but for reasons that may or may not be obvious, you can't seem to stop yourself. "You took all the meaning out of that word, too, so stop throwing it at me." You add. Jungkook's chest tightens, feeling the relief of having you in front of him, actually willing to talk, wash away with the fear that maybe this will be the last time. "I don't need you to tell me you're sorry. I don't believe you. I'm not going to believe you."

"Okay, so I won't say it anymore." Jungkook takes a single step forward. He'd planned to take more, but a single direct glance into your eyes stops him dead in his tracks. "I'll," he pauses, "I'll show you."

"Why'd you say I threw away our friendship so I could go mess around with your friends?"

You sound hurt. God, he feels like such an idiot. "Nine," Jungkook starts, letting out the exasperation he's been feeling ever since letting that idiotic, ugly question slip past his lips, "I didn't mean that. I swear I didn't mean it. I just wanted to get a reaction out of you, I was feeling some type of way, you have to—" he stops talking before that ramble snowballs into something he feels will crush him flat. "You were my friend. All of a sudden I'm the only one you ignore."

"It wasn't all of a sudden and you know it."

"So, that's that?" Jungkook takes the rest of his steps toward you now. You don't move away. Subconsciously, you might've been waiting for him to indulge in his audacity and actually get within this range. Or not. Maybe? Ugh. You're complicated. "We're really not friends anymore? For good? Just like that?" He asks. That scorned husband tone creeps into his words once more. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you want to cut me off." He addresses you by name.

"You look me in mine and tell me why I shouldn't."

"You're so—" Jungkook's voice sounds like it wants to raise a few notches, but it stays stuck on the second volume bar. He passes the threshold into your personal space, looking into your eyes with a sharpness you're not quite sure how to handle. He has one hand hovering next to both sides of your head, each about five inches from actually touching you. They linger there for a few tense moments, then they drop back at his sides. "You know I can't."