How the characters deal with a breakup/ how they comfort you with yours
Cordelia Goode
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Her •We all know she sits in an empty bath crying salty tears into a tub of Ben and Jerry's and then cries even more because she thinks the caramel is too salty but she's actually just ingesting her tears •Locks herself in her room for a week •Refuses all contact with anyone •To this day, still cries over the breakup she had after a two hour relationship in year three, when she was 8 years old •Basically drinks herself into her grave, only to then cry about the hangover the next morning
You •She brings the ice cream •She brings the wine •She sits with you in the empty bathtub •She cries more than you do •You'll somehow end up making out, let's be honest •Looks After you for months until you're basically dating anyway
Billie Dean Howard
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Her •Drinks •Has so much sex it's impressive •Happily get laid by anyone but moans their name •After her hoe phase, she's depressed asf •Asks for them back constantly •Cancels her show until she feels a bit better •Talks to ghosts for emotional support because her therapist told her she's impossible
You •She brings alcohol •Gets you so drunk •Beds you whilst drunk to get you over them •Sets some ghosts out to go and piss off your ex •Makes really passive aggressive posts online about them to support you •Let's you stay with her for a while
Diane Sherman
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Her •She's sad. •She's angry. •She's drunk off her arse. •Diane plans the murder of her ex/ the obsessive era but it only lasts a minute, before she's calling you in tears from the bottom of the staircase from where she fell down •If they cheated, she'll maybe stalk the person they cheated on her with, but she won't do anything •Goes into an obsessive sewing/knitting/crocheting phase. •Never gets over it •Never moves on
You •Mama's angry •Oh, you were cheated on? It's ok, they're both dead now! •Cooks for you for a month after •Moves in temporarily to keep an eye on you •Stays awake worrying about you •Won't let you drink the problem away, instead she encourages you to do things you enjoy and tries to introduce you to new things you might find fun •Protective but only because she cares •Moves herself out when you find someone new
Audrey Tindal
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Her •Sober? What's that? •She cries so much •You find small ways to distract her for a while but then she's crying again •It doesn't matter what they did to her, she misses them and she wants them back •It takes you months to convince her she's better than them and she doesn't need them •Tells you they you just don't understand straight relationships (it's true, but damn you were just trying to make her feel better) •Surprisingly, does not have a hoe phase, she's just sad •After three months, she's over it but always feels grateful you stuck with her
You •SOMEONE BUCKLE UP •You're upset? Oh no, Audrey won't be having that. •Before you've even cried, she's there at the door with some ice cream and is midway through paying for a subscription to every known streaming platform ever, just so you can watch whatever you want with her •Apart from hugging you, she doesn't really know what to do •Let's you have one drink but no more •Anonymously harasses them online •Blocks all of their socials on your phone with you and tells you how proud she is, after you've done it •Everyone needs an Audrey after a breakup
Wilhelmina Venable
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Her •MY BABY •No. Just no. •She'll call you and tell you what happened and she'll tell you she's fine. •The second she hangs up, she has a breakdown on her bed and doesn't move for a day •You get worried and go over, only to find her laying in bed, in the dress her ex found prettiest on her, holding their pillow and crying violently into the duvet (totally haven't done this one before) •She thinks she just wasn't pretty enough for them, so she did her makeup nice but then cried so it's everywhere (again, totally not happened) •It takes you a week for sleeping in her room next to her and holding her, to finally convince her to get out of bed •She goes on a huge shopping trip with you •"Retail therapy works, y/n." She explains, walking into another shop, as you follow behind, carrying almost 20 bags •You pay for it all secretly, by putting the money back into her account that night •She never realised but you're happy she's doing better •Stays single for a few years before trying again
You •She's going to be a little late, because she's currently at your ex's house, attacking them •Takes you on a huge holiday •Makes you feel so special for ages •Constantly reminds you how gorgeous she thinks you are •Wants you to focus on yourself for a while, but is supportive of whatever you choose to do •The second you meet someone new, she's there threatening them •"Hurt her like the last one, and you'll know about it." •Despite claiming to not like your partners, she's really happy you're doing well •Encourages you to try new things •Sleeps in the same room as you for a month, to make sure you're alright •Has no issue when you wake her up at two am because you're upset, and she'll stay awake with you for the rest of the night, holding you and keeping you safe •You made out with her when you got drunk on the holiday but that was it and you didn't really remember it because you were both absolutely pissed •When the next relationship fails, she's ready to come over and you eventually start dating
