Chaeyoung always hated parties. She hated the loud, revel music. She hated the pretentious smiles and the people walking in every which way.
She wouldn't be in one if it wasn't for Lisa and her demanding line of work that requires her to show up.
Chaeyoung pushed her way through the sea of people, looking for her wife that had disappeared the second they stepped foot on the venue.
And there she found her, standing by the balcony railings, smoking.
Chaeyoung slowly walked up to the woman. She was filled with immense fear but she knew she had to tell her before the night ends.. before the alcohol leaves her system and she's back to her cowardly old self when the sun is up.
She dreaded telling her the truth because once she finds out.. when she finally knows everything, it's over.
"Lisa." She felt the pieces of her heart come apart as she uttered her name. Probably because she knows that it's gonna be the last time she would ever call her name. One thing she's certain about is that after tonight, Lisa will never want to speak to her again.
The woman quickly flicked the cigarette off and turned around, greeting her with a wide smile.
How could you smile like that? She thought. She didn't deserve it, not after what she did.
"We need to talk." Chaeyoung spoke again, eyes never leaving the latter as her smile slowly disappeared.
"Is this about us?" Lisa asks, her face remained stolid as if she had already anticipated what was gonna happen.
There, that's the look that I deserve.
Chaeyoung looks away and mumbled with a trembling voice, "I want a divorce."
She had thought about it a lot. Lost count of how many times she had said the words in her head over and over again. Practicing and memorizing how she would say it so it wouldn't hurt-but now that the words are out, she had realized that it didn't prepare her for the real thing.
What was she supposed to say after that? Lisa was waiting and all she could offer is the agonizing silence and a mind that had gone completely blank.
"Why?" The pain in Lisa's voice never missed her ear.
How could it? It was evident. She didn't need to look at her to know because it was all that she felt when Lisa asked that one word question. If anything, she owes her this-to stop pretending like the pain isn't there, like it's not always been there.
"Can we talk somewhere else?" She hesitated, it wasn't the right time to be asking such a thing but then again, they weren't in the right place to be talking about something personal.
"Do you wanna go home?" Lisa offered with a soft tone, it shattered her heart even more that she could only nod as a reply.
Chaeyoung wondered how she could be so composed when they both know that she's falling apart on the inside. She can't blame her though, because if she was in Lisa's place she too wouldn't want to show her vulnerable side to someone that is causing the pain.
Lisa has always been a finer actor than her. She could be going through an entire day of existential crisis or crippling anxiety and no one would know, not even her, until Lisa decides to tell her. She's the hardest to read while Chaeyoung is an open book, vocal and succinct. It didn't come as a surprise that she would be the one to say it first, to approach the topic of divorcing.
The drive to their house was slow and excruciating.
Lisa's eyes remained glued to the road. She kept quiet even when her mind was swarming with millions of questions. It doesn't help that Chaeyoung couldn't stay still in her seat. She could feel her deep glances pressing in on her, taking the very little air she had.
