Pieces of Us (SatoGou)

Chapter 2

When I've been sulking for about half an hour, Dawn arrives. She knocks on the bedroom door and calls in, and I stand for the first time since coming in. When I open the door, she's already frowning at me, and takes a step inside, wrapping her arms around my middle and pressing her head into my chest. She's so much smaller than me, her head doesn't even reach my chin.

"I forgot he'd be here," she says, still holding me. I sigh through my nose.
"It's fine," I say, though it doesn't feel fine. Seeing Goh had ignited my blood for a split second, then pulled the rug right out from under me, sending me spiralling down into a mass of fond memories. I feel sick with grief for a lost friendship. If I'm being honest, I'd almost been pretending Goh didn't exist for the past eight years. It helped, but I still thought about him almost every single day. Only in the last year or so had things started to get better.
"You look nice," Dawn says, stepping back and looking me up and down. I almost laugh, because I'm just wearing my regular dark jeans and black t-shirt, and my hair is a mess, as usual.
"So do you." She does. She's wearing a little black strappy sundress with a white floral pattern and a black sun hat. I notice her case sitting in the corridor behind her. She's come to see me before even dropping off her own things.
"Are you going to talk to him?" She asks. I close my eyes and try not to be irritated by the question, because I know she means well.
"There's nothing to say."
Dawn frowns even deeper, her brows knitting together. "I think an apology is long overdue, from you both."
"What's the point?" I groan, turning and taking a few steps away from her. "We're not going to be friends again. May as well leave it as it is. Even if we tried to speak, it would never be the same as it was, and I don't want it to be."
Dawn can sense my irritation, so bites her tongue. I can tell that, like Gary, she has more to say but decides to keep it to herself. Then she clears her throat and looks around awkwardly. "What about tonight?"
I furrow my brow. "What about it?"
"Well, you know, the bachelor party."
I blink blankly at her, confused. She stares back, still frowning. Then I remember. The bachelor party. As Best Man, it should have been me planning it, but Gary had insisted he didn't want anything fancy, he just wanted to get drunk, so he decided to plan it himself. "Where is it?"
"I think he was planning a bar crawl. Heading out pretty early, or something."
I've only been drunk a handful of times. One time was right after Lillie broke up with me. Another was when Serena had confessed that she was in love with me, one night when we were eighteen and had just reunited. One time was with Dawn and Chloe, when they'd come to visit me in Unova and insisted we go out. I think about going out tonight, with Gary, Brock, and whoever else. And Goh. My stomach flips and I groan loudly.
"Kill me now." I shake my head. "Knowing Gary, he'll have some dumb shit planned."
"I heard him say something about wing-manning you." She's grinning now, from ear to ear. I tip my head back and groan again, but then Dawn is closing the distance between us again. "I know it didn't work out with Maria, but there's nothing wrong with being open."
"I'm open," I argue, but it sounds like a lie. "I just don't want another girlfriend."
Dawn squints a little, and tilts her head to the side. Whatever she's about to say, I'm probably not going to like it, so I brace myself as she considers whether she should say it or not. Then she asks, apprehensively, "a boyfriend?"
I clench my jaw tight, the muscle twitching. "No, not that, either."
She shrugs nonchalantly. "Just checking."
I've never even considered that possibility. Thinking it doesn't put me off, but it does somewhat terrify me. Even if that is something I'm interested in, I couldn't possibly begin to explore that right now. Things are already far too complicated to add that identity crisis into the mix. I don't even want to think about it.
"Well, I better go get ready for the beach. I hope there's an ice cream stall or something." She's already walking out. "And cheer up. This might be more fun than you think."
I severely doubt it, I think as she disappears down the hall and into her own room, dragging her case behind her.
— — — —
I drive Dawn, Brock and Lucy down to the beach, while Misty takes Gary, Goh, Danika and Quillon. Misty's sisters follow in Daisy's car. There's other cars and more guests including Tracey, May, and the entire Alolan crew. As I drive, anxiety rises right up my body, pooling in my brain, making it hard to concentrate. Dawn chats away in the passenger seat, not noticing or pretending not to.
The thing is that I hadn't realised just how much I'd missed Goh until he was right in front of me. It was like all eight years of missing him had caught up all at once, and despite him being here, beside me for the first time in forever, I miss him so much my chest aches, making it feel hard to breathe constantly. I'm not used to missing people so much- even people I care a lot for, like Dawn, I don't miss so much when we're apart for months or years at a time. I know that I'll see them again, and that we'll be just as close as we were before, and that's okay with me.
But Goh and I aren't as close as we used to be. There's a giant rift between us; a gaping chasm that's far too big to close now. Nothing either of us can say or do will take us back eight years, to when we were two carefree kids following our dreams together.
When we pull up in the parking lot by the beach, Misty's car is already parked and empty. By the time I find the strength to get out, Dawn has already circled the car and opened the trunk, pulling out a cooler full of sodas.
The beach is relatively busy- full of families with squealing children, couples walking hand-in-hand holding ice cream, and teenagers racing into the water. The sky is clear, the water sparkling under the bright sun, cool and inviting. When I step out, the heat smacks me like a boulder again, and I hiss, pulling my sunglasses back down. I absolutely regret the black shirt and shorts now.
Dawn's making a beeline for the wooden steps down onto the sand, waving for me to follow. I follow behind Brock and Lucy, who are holding hands and keep exchanging loving glances at one another. I watch in awe, surprised that Brock is actually capable of this kind of affection.
Goh and Gary are sitting on a beach towel they've laid out beside a tent that Misty probably set up, and is now sitting inside, legs crossed at her feet, reading a book. May and Lillie are in the water, holding hands and taking one step in a time, wincing at the cold. The rest of the Alolan lot sit close by, with Tracey, Danika and Quillon. Misty's sisters are nowhere to be seen.
Dawn throws the blanket she's brought for us down beside Gary and Goh's beach towels, angled so we'll be facing them. I glare at her and her not-so-subtle move, but she pretends not to notice as she smooths it out and throws herself down on it, almost rolling back into the sand. Gary glances up, smiling apologetically, but Goh keeps his eyes on the ocean, and the girls out there.
"Hey," Gary says as I sit down, leaning back on my arms. "How are things with Lillie, anyway?"
"It's not awkward," I answer, which is only half-true. It is a little awkward, but admitting that would make the whole thing so much worse. I don't want everyone else to feel awkward too. There's enough of that already with Goh being here. "We're still friends."
Dawn hands me a can of soda, and I take it, but when I look up, she's giving me the look that means she's going to start asking questions I won't like. I frown at her, reading her like a book, but she just grins back. "You should lighten up, Ash. Being here could be good for you. You can put yourself back out there, you know?"
I seize up, all too aware that Goh will be able to hear every word of this conversation, even if he's pretending he can't. Gary's head whips around, eyebrows shooting up. "Oh shit, yeah, what happened with Maria? Misty told me you two called it quits."
"We broke up," I say simply, offering no explanation.
"Another one?" Gary laughs, tipping his head back a little. "You're a real heartbreaker, huh?"
Goh glances at me out of the corner of his eye, and I bristle. I know Gary doesn't mean it, but it offends me a little anyway. "She broke up with me," I amend. "She told me I was too focused on university and battling."
"It's good to be focused," Dawn butts in. "But she's probably right, Ash. You need to relax."
"Why don't you stay a while?" Gary asks, looking over the top of his sunglasses at me. "You don't have to be back for another month, do you?"
"No, but-"
"Then why not stay? A couple of other people are. Me and Mist aren't going on our honeymoon for a couple of weeks anyway."
I swallow, trying to think of a kind way to let him down, but now they're both looking at me expectantly, and the anxiety creeps its way in again. I've hesitated for too long, so Dawn sighs.
"I'll stay too, if you do," she says. I blink, wondering whether I should remind her that Gary didn't ask her, so she shouldn't assume, but Gary seems completely unfazed, and is still watching me, waiting. I sigh loudly, tipping my head back.
"Fine. Maybe."
Dawn claps her hands together. "Great! You're going to meet someone really amazing and fall head over heels!"
I shake my head, but smile despite myself at her enthusiasm. "Just because you met your soulmate as a kid, doesn't mean we all get so lucky," I say. Her eyes widen, and her mouth falls open.
"You think Chloe is my soulmate?" She asks quietly, blushing.
"Well, yeah," I say, like it's obvious. Truthfully, I don't believe in that sort of thing.
Gary nods beside me. Dawn looks down at her bare legs and draws them up to her chest, smiling. She's lost in her own thoughts now, no doubt gushing over her perfect relationship. I glance sideways at Goh, and find he's looking back at me, his eyes still hard and cold. I should look away, but something keeps me from doing it, and I gaze back, the tension snapping tight in the air. My heart plummets down into my stomach, taking my breath with it.
"Goh," Dawn starts, smiling over at him. "What about you? Do you have someone?"
I know Dawn hasn't spoken to Goh much over the years either, but they've run into each other a few times. Every time she calls me after and explains, and when I finally told her she didn't need to, she told me she'd feel guilty if she didn't, like I'd be mad if I found out they'd hung out. I wouldn't be.
"Yeah," Goh says, and it surprises me. My chest aches, and I suppose it must be because I'm realising I know nothing about him now. Why should I be surprised? Of course he has someone. It's been eight years. "There's someone," he says vaguely. I've already looked away, and now there's no chance I'm looking back, when I'm sure all of my emotions are laid bare on my face.
"Lucky them," Dawn beams, but doesn't push for more information. I find myself wishing she would. "Hey Gary, will you come up to buy some ice cream?"
He looks a little confused, probably wondering why she's asking him and not me, but he starts to stand anyway, saying "sure." I look up, panic rising as I realise they're trying to leave me with Goh in order to force a conversation.
"I'll come too," I say, already starting to stand, but Dawn shakes her head.
"They only allow two people in at a time," she explains. "We'll only be there for two minutes. I'll get you chocolate."
I can't even be mad at her because she knows my favourite flavour without asking. As they walk away, the silence between us stretches out awkwardly. I don't know if he's looking at me, because I don't dare look over. Instead I watch Mallow and Kiawe wander over to a group of strangers, asking if they can join in their beach volleyball game.
I watch them for what seems like forever, until I'm so zoned out I almost forget Goh is sitting just a few feet away from me. Then he clears his throat, dragging me back to reality.
"Ash," he says so quietly it's almost a whisper. My heart jumps over itself, lurching painfully as I turn to face him, willing my face to stay calm. He's frowning back, and he looks... pained. He opens his mouth to speak, and my breath hitches, waiting.
"Ash!"
Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, my heart plummets even further, because I recognise that voice. I look over my shoulder anyway, down the stretch of sand to where Maria is running over, hand in the air, smiling wide. I turn back to Goh, who's blinking blankly over my shoulder at her, confused. I blow out a breath and stand to meet her, dread curling in my stomach.
"What a coincidence!" She exclaims as I turn to her. I glance down at her in her tiny pink and black bikini. She's grinning up at me like she didn't just break up with me two weeks ago. I wait for some emotion to surface- heartbreak, jealousy, anything. Nothing.
"What're you doing here?" I ask, somehow managing to smile back. She has her hair tied up in two space buns either side of her head, loose hair falling around her cheeks. She must have been in the water, because her skin is damp, sand clinging stubbornly to her legs and arms.
"On vacation with Hilda and Elesa," she says, looking over her shoulder. I follow her gaze and see them sitting in the sand a few hundred yards down the beach, watching us. I wave awkwardly, and only Hilda waves back. Elesa glares. I swallow and look back into Maria's wide eyes. "We just arrived here today. You're here for Misty's wedding, right?"
"Yeah." I remember telling her about it right before she broke up with me, but she never told me she had a vacation booked for the same time. "It's the day after tomorrow."
She nods, then her eyebrows shoot up as she notices Goh for the first time. "Oh, I didn't realise one of your friends was here. I'm sorry, that was so rude."
She's looking back at me, waiting for me to introduce them. I hold back the sigh I almost let out and suck in a breath through my nose, feeling worse by the second. "Um, this is Goh, my-" I stop short of calling him my friend, because he's not. We're strangers. I fumble for words, and settle on "Gary's friend." I don't dare look at him to see if he's offended. "And this is Maria, my, um, friend."
She raises an eyebrow, one hand on her left hip, glaring. "Friend?"
A twinge of annoyance jolts through me, and I tense my jaw. I glare back at her, the silence stretching out for a few seconds. Realising we're both too stubborn and the silence may very well last forever, I'm about to dismiss her, when I catch Dawn out of the corner of my eye, coming down holding an ice cream in either hand. She pauses on the bottom step, hesitating at the sight of Maria. They'd met a couple times when Dawn came to visit me.
"Maria," she says when she finally approaches, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Hi, Dawn. I'm on vacation." Maria's smiling again, no longer even looking at me. Good. Let Dawn distract her, and hopefully find some way to get rid of her. As I think it, she focuses on me again. "Ash, can we talk?"
She means alone. I want to say no, but with Dawn, Gary and Goh here, and the way she looks like she's almost pleading with me, how can I? We haven't spoken since she broke up with me in her room, telling me it was time we went our separate ways. As I think of a response, a group of girls go by, whispering my name under their breath. I sigh through my nose and agree, reluctantly, to follow her. She smiles and says goodbye to the others, before leading me back up the wooden steps. At the top she unlocks what must be a rental car, and climbs in the drivers side.
Once I'm sitting in the passenger seat, she turns to me, frowning. I keep the door open, letting some air in, because the heat is stifling in the car. I don't know what this could possibly be about, when everything seemed so final last time. Had she been planning on saying something if she saw me? Was she hoping she'd see me?
"I've been thinking," she starts, and my stomach drops. Oh no. "I think... I think I was too hasty last time we spoke. I was emotional, I hadn't really thought about things properly."
"Maria-"
She shakes her head. "I want to give it another try. Please, Ash."
I have no idea what to say. Every sentence I conjure up in my head sounds wrong. Do I really want to try forcing a relationship again? Will it be different this time? Will I finally feel something other than friendship? I wish I had the answers now, because she's gazing into my eyes, waiting for a response, hope swirling in her irises. My heart starts to hammer against my chest.
"I don't know, Maria." I turn away from her, unable to face her when her hope cracks. "I think you were right. I am too focused on everything else."
She reaches out and grabs my hand in both of hers, squeezing. "No, Ash. That's not a bad thing. You're ambitious, and I like that. Like I said, I was just being emotional. I can deal with that."
I find it hard to believe that her feelings have changed so drastically in two weeks. She's gone from hating those things, to liking them? I start shaking my head involuntarily. "And what about everything else?"
Her grip on my hand loosens. I know she remembers all the other reasons she listed. Especially one. No matter how many times we tried, every time kissing started to lead to more, we could never get past this awkward invisible barrier that seemed to be there. Same as all my other girlfriends.
"We can try again," she says quietly. I sit very still, listening to the squeals and laughter and waves washing against the sand. I'm not convinced, but Maria is safe, and familiar, and what's the worst that can happen? Still, my stomach twists painfully at the thought, a strange longing that I don't understand tugging me elsewhere. It feels like a sliver of anxiety snaking its way up my throat.
I sigh. "I need some time to think about it."
It's not a no, and she perks up, squeezing my hand again. "Of course." When I turn back to face her finally, she's already leaning in, and her lips land briefly on mine. "I hope you see things the way I do."
I don't think I do, but I nod anyway, and start to get back out of the car to join the others on the beach again. Maria loops her arm around mine the second I circle the car, and I want to remind her that I haven't agreed to be with her yet, but feel too awkward, so walk down the steps arm-in-arm with her instead. When I see everyone watching us from our spot in the sand, I wish I'd yanked my arm away. She drops my arm at the bottom of the steps and turns back to her friends.
"Call me later, yeah?" She says, waving.
"Sure," I say, sticking my hands in my pockets. She walks a couple steps before suddenly whirling, closing the distance between us and leaning up to kiss me again, this time properly, my mouth instinctively opening to welcome hers the way it always used to.
I pull away, and she giggles, already racing back to Elesa and Hilda, the former shaking her head. I stand there breathless for a moment, wondering what the fuck just happened. Then I shake my head and walk back towards the confused stares of my friends. I can tell Dawn is itching to speak, and as soon as I get close, she does.
"Um," she starts, crossing her arms. She's not happy. "You got back with her."
"No," I say defensively. Gary snorts, and I want to smack the top of his head, but don't. "I said I'd think about it."
"Is that what you call thinking about it?" He asks, laughing. I roll my eyes and sit back down on the blanket, accepting the ice cream from Dawn. It's already melting down the sides, making my hand sticky. This day just gets worse and worse.
— — — —
We sit for another few hours, until I think I'm starting to burn despite my already pretty tan skin, and Gary announces we have to go back to get ready for the night. It's only mid-afternoon, and I'm dreading whatever he has in store, but I suppose it would be better to look nice for whatever it is.
Brock makes dinner for us while I head upstairs to shower, spending a lot longer there than usual, just standing under the running water, letting it run freely down my face. Free of Maria's distraction, I'm left wondering if Goh was going to say something before she interrupted. I can't help but wonder, and wonder why I even care. He probably just felt incredibly awkward sitting in silence, just like me. I don't want to try to work out what he's thinking when I don't know him anymore.
After the shower I dress in a button-up black shirt tucked into dark, slim trousers with a brown belt. Gary told me to dress a little more formally, and this is the best I can do. I push my hair around in the mirror, but it looks messy whichever way it falls, so I give up and head downstairs to the dining room just off the kitchen.
Goh is already there. The breath rushes out of my lungs at the sight of him. He's leaning against the wall, wearing a burgundy turtleneck sweater and black trousers. A long tan coat is draped over the seat in front of him, which I assume is his. He watches me enter, lifting his glass to his mouth, his eyes hard and cold as ever.
"Hey," Gary says beside me. I jump, not realising he was there, which makes him laugh. Quillon, Kiawe and Sophocles are there, too, but I hadn't realised because I'd been so focused on Goh, which is just incredibly awkward. I clear my throat and will the heat to dissipate from my face.
Before I can speak, there's a commotion behind me, and I turn to see the girls coming down the stairs. I freeze, blinking over at them as they come into view, looking... Well, like totally different people.
Dawn has her hair pulled back at the front, tied into a mini-ponytail at the back of her head, and it's all curled into beach waves, little diamantes woven into the strands. She's wearing more makeup than I've ever seen her in, and a very tight, very short black dress.
"What are you staring at?" She says, approaching me and raising an eyebrow. I shake my head.
"I didn't know you could look like that."
She smacks my arm playfully, grumbling something about me being stupid as she passes me. I note the way everyone watches her, their eyes not on her face. I roll my eyes and step further into the room, taking a seat at the table so I can start to get this night over with.
Most of the talk over dinner is making sure we're not going to end up in the same bars. I'm not sure why that has to be a rule- it sounds a lot more fun. Gary's insistent and stubborn, though, so I know there's not even a sliver of a chance Dawn's going to show up and rescue me from a horribly awkward night.
When dinner's over, the cabs show up. I wave goodbye to Dawn and Misty as they get in theirs, waving back over their shoulders at us. Misty's sisters, Lucy, Danika, May and the Alolan girls all go too, leaving us standing at the curb, arms crossed over our chests, waiting for our rides. The night is getting colder, a chill sweeping through the air, and I keep my eyes on the ground until the first cab pulls up.
"You go, Ash."
I don't hesitate. I expect him to follow me in, but he doesn't. Instead, as I'm settling into the back seat, pulling on my seat belt, I see Gary take Goh by the shoulders and push him towards the cab. Goh's protesting, but it's too late, and he's all but shoved into the seat beside me.
"See you there," Gary says with a wicked grin, and shuts the cab door on us.