Abandoned (CPD)

Past Pain

Once Will was done with stitching up my wounds, he gave me some pain meds and let me leave. Jay led me through the hospital to where Hank was but I stopped when I heard a painful cry. I turned to see a woman, holding onto another doctor just to keep herself up.

*Jay's Pov*

We were walking through the hospital so we could visit Hank, when Abi suddenly stopped. She stopped walking and turned to look at the family room where some woman was breaking down into tears.

"Hank will be okay." I said and lightly touched her shoulder but she just shook it off.

She kept staring at the woman and refused to move. I stepped in front of her to block her view but she shoved me out of the way and watched with tears in her eyes.

"C'mon, Abi. Stop staring."

"I've been in that position. I know what she feels."

"So have many others."

"No. She wasn't there when she lost her loved one. She knew something was wrong so she rushed down here to find out they were gone. She didn't get to say goodbye."

"Abi, Hank's out of surgery, we should go see him."

"Um. Yeah."

"You okay?"

"Yep. Just worried for Hank, that's all."

We went and visited Hank for about an hour before he fell back to sleep. I spoke to him later when Abi was asleep on the couch.

"Do you know anything about her dad's death?" I asked Hank.

"Motorbike accident."

"No, I mean, like...did she say goodbye?"

"I guess so."

"Do you know for certain?"

"Where is this coming from, Jay?"

"It doesn't matter."

"Like hell it doesn't. She is my daughter."

"No, she isn't. You are just someone who has been looking after her."

"Leave, Jay."

"I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that, she never talks about her father."

"She said it hurts too much to talk about it."

"I know but what if she blames herself?"

"For what?"

"There was this woman crying about someone she had lost. Abi spoke about how she never got to say goodbye. I don't think Abi was talking about the woman. I don't think Abi got to say goodbye."

"You're right, Jay." Said Abi as she looked at us.

"What do you mean?"

"I visited him everyday. Apart from the days when he looked too bad or the days when he was coughing up blood. I hated seeing him ill because I always knew him as such a strong character. He would always ask other people how they were, he would check up on other people's family members. He was kind like that."

"One day, he took a turn for the worse. He was pale and coughing every two minutes. I went to see him in the morning and lied to him that I had a chem test just so I wouldn't cry in front of him. I hated seeing him like that. To see him struggling. To see him staying strong just for me, when I knew he was in pain. I could see it on his face and that's what pained me the most. My jokes could make him laugh and could mentally make him feel better but it couldn't heal him. It didn't make him better. It didn't keep him on this earth."

"I had a bad feeling in the middle of the day. I was sat in a English class when my teacher told me to go to the office. One of my dad's friends, who got him into motorbikes, was stood there. He wore a smile, like he had practiced how to fake it while he was waiting for me. I stepped out of the door and got into his car, knowing that he was gone. I got to the hospital and they told me that he was gone. I cried. I cried hard. I never got to say goodbye."

"I refused to see him. How bad does that make me!?"

"His daughter, the happiest thing in his life. He told me that. And I couldn't even visit him. How fucking pathetic."

"Hey, it's better to have the happy memories than the bad ones." Said Hank.

"But I just feel so bad. I could've seen him more but his own daughter, couldn't bare to face him. Couldn't bare to see him so ill."

"Hey, he knows how much you loved him. Don't beat yourself up, kid. Look at you, you are still so strong." Said Hank.

"You don't get it. I never got to say how happy he made me. I never got to say that he was the best dad anyone could wish for, he could make me smile when I was having a bad day, his hugs were the best. He had the warmest hugs."

"He knows, okay? He looks downs from up there and knows." Said Hank.

"Then today. You. I nearly got you killed. I tried to scream but nothing came out. You saved me and my mind was in other places."

"Abi, it's okay. Seeing you in that chair brought back memories for me. I feel bad but you are safe and I am safe."

"But what if you weren't? What if you had died?"

"Then it's not your fault. I stepped out of that circle, knowing it was unsafe but I did it for you."

"Exactly! Everyone has done something for me! And look where they are! They are dead!"

"I'm not."

"You nearly died though. Everything is always my fault. No wonder so many people have abandoned me."

"You're grandma didn't abandon you. She took you in and didn't even hesitate."

"How do you know? Did you ask her?"

"No but Kevin spoke to your brother. He said your grandma was happy to take you in. He said he was glad that he and your mom were away from Chicago. Away from you. He said he made your life worst."

"No. He never did. He didn't do anything to me."

"A lot of things happened in Michigan. A lot of things that would ruin you. It was his choice to leave you with your grandma. If he didn't suggest it, you would be in a group home. He apologises for everything that has happened to you. He says it is his fault because he convinced your mom to leave Chicago and to leave you."

"What? No. He wouldn't do that."

"He was keeping you safe. He saw James' murder happen and he knew that he had to keep you safe. That's why he pushed you more towards your dad and kept your mom away from you."

"He kept me safe?"

"Yeah. He didn't want to leave you. But he knew he had to, to keep you safe."