Fade into you

Chapter 4

It had almost been 3 weeks from that night, and Joe and I chatted almost every day. He'd gone to Brazil with Jamie and came back, attended a comic con in London and right now he was in America. He'd come back the following week and then leave again for vacation to Italy.

I had a lot of things to do as well, and we'd hardly seen each other when he'd come to London, but we'd definitely come closer, even if it was only by chatting. I found myself thinking about him during the day, and it definitely made me smile and feel good. Jamie kept teasing me about it.

"We're friends, now stop it okay??" I kept telling him every time he mentioned the subject.
"Come on love, you think I didn't see him smiling widely and giggling to his phone all the time while we were in Brazil? And I know he was talking with you. You can't hide from me darling."
"He did?" I asked, enthusiasm lighting up my eyes.
"There ya go" Jamie chuckled.
"There's nothing going on, really" I went on, trying to conceal my smile.

And the truth was I hadn't really given it much thought. Yes I liked Joe a lot, yes I enjoyed being around him and talking with him, but I hadn't considered the "romantic" part of it yet. I had just come out of a relationship which had totally broken me, and I guess I subconsciously didn't want to have to deal with any of my feelings. All I knew was that I felt amazingly when I was around him, and didn't overanalyze anything beyond that.

The day came when he arrived back in London for some days before he left for Italy. We went out for drinks and had an amazing time, as always. He was talking to me about meeting Metallica, and I was beyond excited to listen to him.
"Man I'm so jealous, ugh" I chuckled.
"It was indeed a dream that came true" he said smiling sweetly. God I had missed that smile. "You did watch it right?"
"Of course" I smiled back. "I also watched your adventures in Brazil with my darling boy Jamie. So glad you had a good time" I went on.
"We did" he said, looking down at his glass.
"I'm really proud of you" I continued smiling, looking at him and touching his hand lightly. He looked into my eyes and I felt that warmth and that joy he always radiated. I did feel a bit shy again, but couldn't take my eyes away from his this time.
Seconds later Joe was the one to break the eye contact and looked down at his glass again, clearing his throat. He took a sip and I lit a cigarette.

"So" I tried to sound normal again, "tell me everything about Brazil" I changed the subject. He looked back at me, eyes glistening with enthusiasm, making my heart melt a little.

3 hours later, we were in the same place, still having dirty Martinis, laughing hard at Joe's stories about Brazil. I literally cried from laughter at some points.
"Jesus, you're an excellent story teller" I told him wiping my eyes. "Omg I'm so flushed" I went on, touching my red cheeks.
"You're beautiful" he said, and I stopped laughing then and there. I looked up at him dreamily for some seconds and it was me who broke the eye contact this time.
"Uhm, should we go?" I asked awkwardly.
"Yeah, yes, we should, let's go" he said, awkwardly as well.

Our walk towards the car was silent. I didn't know what to say and the fun and laughing atmosphere was out the window. You could cut tension with a knife and I could feel he felt the same way.
"I'll just get a taxi" I said as we approached the high street. I didn't know why I'd said that since we had agreed that he'd give me a lift back to Jamie's house.
"What? No, you're not. I'm taking you home."
"It's not a problem, really I-"
"Shush" he interrupted me, smiling again. I felt better seeing his smile.
"Right" I sighed as we approached his car.

20 minutes later we were parked right outside Jamie's building, saying our goodnights. The atmosphere was back to giggly and playful, so I felt better once more.
"Oh, I almost forgot!!" he said, turning to the back seat and rummaging through his backpack.
"What? What are you doing?" I asked furrowing my eyebrows.
"Where the fuck did I put it- oh here it is!" he finally said, turning back to me, holding a small packet in his hand. "I brought you a little something from Brazil."
"For me??" I asked surprised.
"Of course!"
He gave me the packet which I slowly opened to find some ribbon bracelets in different colours, and one more, smaller packet.
"Oh yeah, two things actually" he giggled as I looked up and him and down at my presents again.
"Woah..." I whispered touching the bracelets, and proceeded to open the smaller packet. It was a pretty traditional ceramic figurine of a beautiful lady with an amazing green black and red dress. It was gorgeous.
"They are so beautiful" I kept saying, mesmerized. Joe took the bracelets and tied them on my wrist.
"There" he said "perfect. They'll bring you luck." He ran his finger through them, touching my skin as well and I shivered.
"They are amazing, thank you so so much" I said, leaning over to give him a hug. He hugged me warmly and as we broke the hug, our faces still very close to each other, I felt we couldn't break the eye contact again.
Joe looked down at my lips for a split second and up into my eyes again, and I felt like I was in a trance. He reluctantly approached me more and very softly brushed his lips against mine. I couldn't think of anything at all during those seconds, the butterflies in my stomach returned, only now I felt them all over my body. I kissed him back and he gently brought his slightly trembling hand on the side of my neck, caressing my cheek with his thumb. He deepened the kiss and I responded and I didn't really know where I was anymore, the sweet ecstasy and shivers running through my body.

Moments later, as if somebody woke me from a dream, I suddenly stopped. Without really thinking, I broke the kiss and looked at him for some seconds. He looked at me questioningly, his cheeks blushed as well.
"I have to go, I'm sorry" I mumbled, hearing my voice as if in a dream.
Before he could say anything I quickly opened the door and ran towards the building, my legs feeling numb and still trembling.
I opened the elevator door and only after I had pressed the button did I stop for a moment to think. I looked at myself in the mirror and it hit me.

What the fuck had I just done??