Fade into you

Chapter 5

I kept looking at myself in the mirror of the elevator as it went up. I was confused and excited and scared, all in the same time.
I reached the last floor and walked inside Jamie's flat. He was there with Jess, his girlfriend, watching a film in the living room.
"Hello love!" Jess stood up to greet me, but her face got worried when she saw my expression.
"What's wrong??" Jamie asked, coming towards me behind Jess.
I looked at both of them but didn't speak. Instead I walked towards the window to look outside. Joe was still there. He had got out of the car and smoked leaning onto the hood of the car. I walked fast back towards the door.
"I'm so stupid, I'm so fuckin' stupid" I kept mumbling to myself.
"An what is happening?? Are you alright??" Jamie squealed.
"Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I...I have to go again, can I take the car?" I asked looking around for the keys.
"I took the car in for service this morning, I told you, remember??"
Aw man
I looked at both of them again absent mindedly.
"Yes... I have to go"
"What is the matter An?" Jamie asked worriedly for the third time.
"I'm a total idiot, that's what the matter is" I said fast reaching for the door knob.
"Come to sit and tell us everything" Jess went on as Jamie started realizing what had happened and looked at me with an "oh no" expression.
"No no, I'm sorry, I have to go again, love you guys, I'll see you later" I said and rushed out again through the front door.
"Be careful!" Jamie managed to say before I closed the door behind me and ran to the elevator.

It took the elevator about 1,5 minutes to reach the ground floor, which seemed like a hundred years to me. When I walked out of the building I saw Joe's car disappearing in the dark street, and just then, it started raining.
"Excellent" I mumbled through gritted teeth and ran towards the main street to find a taxi.

About half an hour later, I was outside Joe's building, soaking wet, since I couldn't find a taxi, mumbling through my teeth.
"What are you gonna tell him now, huh stupid??" I kept thinking as I reached and rang his doorbell with a trembling hand.
Joe opened the door and furrowed his eyebrows surprised when he saw me. There I was, soaking wet, dripping to the floor, trembling, both from the anxiety and the cold.
We just stood there looking at each other when suddenly, as if in a dream, I approached him and crushed my lips onto his. He was taken aback but did respond to the kiss, leading me inside and closing the door behind us. We kept kissing as we slowly walked towards the sofa. And then I became an idiot again.

I broke the kiss and softly pushed him so that I could look at him.
"I'm sorry" he said with sad eyes, looking down and walking away from me. He walked over to the sofa and grabbed his drink.
"No no, I'm sorry," I started, going over to the sofa and sitting opposite him. "I don't know what's happening to me, and I'm a total idiot."
"Stop" he said softly, looking into my eyes. "I didn't mean to pressure you about anything" he said looking down at his glass.
"You didn't" I said "it's me who has the problem, really". I looked down and realized I'd been soaking his sofa with my wet clothes.
"And I've destroyed your sofa as well" I said standing up and walking towards the door "I'm so sorry, I'd better go". He quickly looked up at me, placing his glass on the coffee table and stood up following me. He stopped me right before I opened his front door.
"I don't want you to go" he said looking at me in the most tender way possible "unless you want to" he went on. I just stood there looking at him. Of course I didn't want to go.
"Please stay" he continued "you can talk to me". There. He'd just realized everything that was going on inside me, even when I couldn't understand what I felt. I still didn't speak. But I didn't leave either. I really didn't want to.
"Look at you, you're trembling" he said, rubbing my arms. He took my coat off and threw it on a chair next to the kitchen island "We'll deal with that later. Come on, I'll give you some dry clothes to change" he said and took my hand. He led me towards the staircase and we walked up to his bedroom. It was beautiful, but I really couldn't concentrate on admiring it at that point. I stood in the doorway looking at him rummaging through his closet drawers, and then he took out a sweater, a pair of sweatpants and a pair of socks.
"There" he said, placing the clothes on the bed and then opened one more drawer, taking a towel out "get changed. Those will be a bit large for you, but at least you'll get warmed up. I'll be downstairs" he said sweetly and caressed my cheek with his hand before leaving the room, closing the door softly behind him.