the unwanted child

Chapter 4 : The Devil In Human Skin

When I started primary school, life was no longer easy. I keep failing my subject and getting beaten up by Tina and Troy because of it. I guess I was both their punching bag for distress. Troy abuses me in the name of discipline, and Tina beats me with equipment until it breaks. Troy once kicked me, and I flew across the room, unable to breathe for a while. It's always him or Tina, and if I cry, they threaten me with more beatings if they hear my sobs. At the age of eight, I prayed for death. That's how bad it was. Troy had a girlfriend who tutored me in math and she used the cane; every time I answered incorrectly, she whipped the cane. I despised it. I had no idea how I was still alive after each beating. I remembered being so angry that I told Tina, "You are not my mother, you have no rights to beat me," which completely shattered her. So, to make me feel bad, she packed my belongings and told me she didn't want me anymore; an adult will never understand how damaging that sentence can be to a child. She then threw the bag and me out the door and slammed the front door in my face. I sobbed uncontrollably. She let me back in after about twenty minutes. She warned me that if I don't improve, she will not hesitate to disown me. Who knows if these words will come true one day? I recall bringing home a pair of rabbits that had been given to me by a cleaner. The rabbits were in bad shape, so I took them home and hid them in our spare room. Troy, on the other hand, noticed that I was sneaking into the spare room too frequently and decided to investigate. When he saw me playing with the rabbits, he immediately joined me, but he had to notify our mother. She ordered me to go to her workplace right away, and I was severely beaten for bringing the rabbits home. Did this deter me from bringing home stray animals? No, I did it too frequently, and the beating continues. I never realized what was wrong with it. I was feeling lonely. I needed someone.

A tragic event occurred this year. Roy had died. Everyone at home was affected by his death. In school, I remember hanging out in the study corner with my friends. My school administrator approached me and informed me that I needed to rush home because something had occurred. Since school and home were only eight minutes apart I dashed home to find Tina and Troy waiting for me and rushing me out the door. I had no idea what was going on. I just quietly followed them. I arrived at a location with high walls that looked familiar; it was the location where I came to see Roy every other week with Tina, Roy's wife, and the children. Troy occasionally joins us. There were many family members present. However, not everyone was permitted entry. Tommy, my father, was also present. When I entered the familiar room, Roy was smiling at me while everyone else was crying. I've never figured out why. Handprints covered the glass between us. He stated that he requires my assistance. As a brother, he requests that I get him the largest red rose I can find and give it to him tomorrow. I smiled and said, "Don't worry, I'll buy it for you." He then said, "Be a good girl and make me proud of you." I then walked away and let others speak to him. I had no idea that was my last time seeing him before he was hanged the next day. I only found out when I saw his dead body in front of me. He was executed for drug trafficking. I was taken aback. I cried so hard. Tina and Troy have both changed since then. I was suffering in silence. I was completely invisible to everyone. I didn't know how to deal with my brother's death. Tina sold the apartment and moved to a new location the following year. This was also the year Tina ended her relationship with an abusive boyfriend. I used to come home from school to find her boyfriend strangling her and punching her. It was extremely traumatic. I remember running down the apartment looking for Troy at his hangout with his boys and his girlfriend, Vanessa. He was furious when he found out what was going on. Troy was 21 years old at the time and had just completed his national service. Tina's boyfriend came to a halt when he saw my brother Troy enter the house and pretended nothing had happened. When Troy saw his mother's bruised face, he took the hockey stick and beat Tina's boyfriend up until there was blood splattered everywhere. Tina even tried to pull him away from each others because it was so bad. That guy might have died. You have no idea how deadly his punches and kicks are; I've seen my soul leave my body a few times when he threw a kick at me. We moved to our new place after leaving everything behind. The house was built to Troy and Vanessa's specifications because they were getting married soon and this was their dream home.

On the other hand, Gina married. She was expecting a child. I was at a national day rehearsal when I noticed John patrolling the parade route. When he saw me, he told me I should follow him after the event because he wanted me to meet Gina. He informed me that I would be a boy's sister in a few months. So instead of going home to Tina's house that day. I went to Gina's, which was only 2 kilometers away from Tina's. Gina called Tina to let her know I'd be staying at her house tonight. By then, I had figured out what had happened and why I had been adopted. It was still painful, but what else could I do? Tina served as my legal guardian. Tina looked surprised when I returned home the next day. She was upset that I stayed with Gina. It started to get bad for me and Tina, who always used words like "you are like your mother, you will end up in the streets one day just like your parents." Can you imagine what a 9-year-old thinks when she hears such words? I despised Tina so much that I began to do everything she told me not to. She is forgetful and leaves things around, and she began accusing me of being a "stealer" like my mother, and she beat me. What's new, you say? I wondered if she did this to me because of things my parents did to her, or if I was just an outlet for her frustration. She had lost all of her most important male figures at a young age, beginning with her fiance and progressing to her brother and now her son. She began to close down her world. She did the same with mine and Troy. She made certain that I had no friends. My life was divided into two parts: home and school, and vice versa. I always had to wait for Troy to bring me out. But he was also getting busy; he kept working and I hardly saw him. He stopped believing in God as well; he used to attend a religious ceremony with Roy every year. When Roy died, Troy discarded all religious items and completely lost faith.

I began visiting Gina at her home regularly. In November, I learned of the birth of my younger brother, Zack. Something strange happened to me while I was holding him. I felt compelled to defend him at all costs. I knew immediately that I would risk my life to keep him safe. Gina received a phone call from Tina one day while I was at her house, asking me to come and pack my belongings and leave her house. I was taken aback. Things appear to be going missing from the storeroom. She believes Gina is the one who forced me to do it. Or we could be in this together. John, who was aware of the truth, decided to accompany me to resolve the situation. When I arrived, I realized what had happened. There was a box full of unused clothes that were to be distributed. So I brought some of those clothes over to Gina's so that we could stitch some new things; we were even thinking of outfits and pillow casings. However, it appears that there was an expensive cloth that was a gift, which I had taken unknowingly; in fact, I brought every cloth back and passed it to her. Instead, she told me to leave because she doesn't want a drug addict and thief's daughter in her house. I'll never forget her words; I was nine or ten at the time. It slashed my heart like a thousand knives. I wondered why I was born if everyone was going to despise and curse me. The person I looked up to as my mother saying that was the final straw. I packed my belongings and left. She no longer adores me. I was once again unwanted. I felt like a ball being kicked around. 

I was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep the entire night. How could she possibly say such things to me? Tears streamed down my cheeks. This was my first night here; the last time I stayed here, Zach had not yet been born. The sun came up, and I could hear Zack crying. I rushed over to him and carried him; I guess this is my happy place after all. Oh, how I was wrong. Zack was about 6 months old at the time, and I was his best friend. Gina gave me my lunch to eat in the afternoon. While she was in the kitchen, she told me to keep an eye on Zack. She put him in a walker, and I tried to keep an eye on him while eating my lunch. I and Zack were watching a cartoon on the television. However, I became so engrossed in the television that I didn't notice Zack walking over to the kitchen after a while. I heard Zack crying and the next thing I knew, I had my first permanent scar on my lips. Gina looked different to me at the time. She immediately carried Zack up and charged at full speed at me, wearing a terrifying expression, and punched me in the mouth. When I sat up, blood was all over my hands and mouth. I couldn't move my lips because I was terrified and in a lot of pain. She kept punching my mouth, and my upper lips dug deeper into my top front tooth. The agony and terror were unbearable. She finally came to a halt when she noticed Zack was crying more loudly. She then grabbed my hair and yelled, "This is my son, how dare you, I told you to keep an eye on him." I just stayed there, afraid to move, and cried. But now I could taste the blood, which made me want to puke.

To Be Continued in chapter 5………………………….