Do You Realize? |l.s.|

XXVIX

"How's packing going?" Harry asks as he stands in the doorway of my room. I've got the majority of my clothes in my suitcase, and the rest of my stuff in boxes.

"Boring," I answer. "But I'm almost done."

"I'm gonna miss our walks, you know," he says, with a calmness in his voice that makes the room feel quieter. I stop from where I'm folding a pair of jeans and I look up at him, smiling sadly.

"Yeah, me too," I nod. "We'll still see each other, though."

"Definitely," he smiles at me reassuringly. "Zayn's a bit upset, by the way. You might wanna talk to him before you leave."

"Yeah, he's not too happy about it all, I guess," I shrug.

"Hey Lou, can I ask you a serious question?" Harry asks me, and I nod.

"Of course."

"Should I be worried about you going back to your dad's place?"

"What?" I scoff, my heart beating faster as I debate whether I should lie to him or not. "No, of course not. Don't worry about me one but, Haz, I'll be okay."

"I really will miss seeing you around so much." Just then, there's a knock on the door and my heart sinks as my head snaps up. I swallow thickly, standing up and heading downstairs to see Zayn standing in front of the door and opening it up to reveal my dad, though he's different from before. Of course, I never dared to visit him, so I'm surprised to see he's buffed up a bit. He's got a dull, angry look in his eye and a sly smirk on his face.

"So, you're the one my boy's been staying with?" the man asks, and Zayn just nods with a cold expression on his face.

"And you're his dad."

"That I am," he laughs, stepping in uninvited before turning to see me on the stairs. The eye contact we make sends a shiver down my spine as he grins even wider, though I can see the rage behind his stare. "Hey kid, long time no see."

"Hey," I say quietly, walking down hesitantly and standing in front of him. He opens his arms up and I let him pull me into a hug, though I don't hug back, and I look over the older man's shoulder to see Zayn with an angry look on his face.

"You've grown up, haven't you?" Dad chuckles, putting his hands on either side of my arms. "But not in height, that's for sure," he jokes, and I chuckle weekly as I nod.

"How are you?" I ask him.

"Doing better. How are you?"

"Good," I nod. "I, uh, I should probably go get my stuff."

"We'll help you," Zayn says, referring to him and Harry as we head upstairs. I feel uneasy leaving my dad unattended, but it's not like he'd try anything after just being released from prison. We get to my room and I grab my suit case while Harry and Zayn both grab a box. Zayn stops me, though, and turns to me. "Call if you need anything, okay?"

"Yeah, I will," I nod, smiling sadly at him as we move on and make our way down the stairs to see my father looking at the family photos on the wall that were recently taken.

"Your parents aren't home?" he asks, turning to Zayn.

"Business trip," Zayn answers simply, an edge clear in his voice. "We'll load these up and your car." We get outside and the trunk is already open so we place the boxes and things in before closing it and turning to each other. Harry hugs me first, squeezing me tightly as I hug him back, with just as much force.

"Take care, munchkin. We'll hangout soon, yeah?" he asks me as we pull back. I look to see my dad looking at us with his arms crossed and an unreadable expression on his face before turning back to Harry, smiling nervously and nodding.

"Yeah." Then, I turn to Zayn and he looks close to tears with a frown on his face. He hugs me back so tight and I hear him sniffle, but he doesn't let the tears fall.

"I mean it, kid. Call me whenever," he says sternly. "Fuck, you've got me all emotional. Just, just be safe, alright?"

"I will, Zee," I confirm. "And don't be upset, we're not saying goodbye. I'll still go to the same school and all, just sleeping under another roof. I'll be fine."

"I love you, little bro," he says.

"Love you too," I say before we pull back.

"All ready?" Dad asks, and I stay silent, nodding as I smile sadly at the two once more before hopping in the cigarette and beer-smelling car as we drive off. The drive isn't too long, just fifteen minutes and into the bad part of town. It's not the worst house, it's got two stories and all, but it hasn't been properly lived in for a while and it's not like it was taken care of, even when it was. There's still the crack in the window from when he shoved me up against it, and the chip in the door from where he threw a beer bottle at me and I closed it before it could hit me. The gutters are overflowing with leaves and the dead grass is overgrown, and there's still an empty bottle or two hidden among the bushes. Stepping out, he helps me carry my stuff in and up to my nostalgic room. The room holds so many memories and I almost tear up, but I hold back.

"Glad to be back," he breathes out, hands on his hips as he stands in the entryway. "You and me are gonna have a fresh start, hay? No more trouble."

"Yeah," I say.

"Well, go on upstairs and start unpacking," he says after an awkward silence. "I've got some catching up to do," he says, holding up his keys and shaking them a bit before he steps back outside, and I sigh sadly as I sluggishly walk up the stairs, and staring at me room as the dread of my real life comes flooding back.