As the days pass by, I only feel more disgusted with my own plan. I know I don't have a better choice at the moment, but I hate every second of pretending I'm completely clueless.
As crazy as it sounds, a part of me wishes I never remembered who I was. I think about 1984 once again and the Party's slogan that says how ignorance is strength, and now I can't help but agree with it. Maybe ignorance would help me start from scratch.
The worst thing of all is that I'm not doing anything to save Chris. I still don't have any important memories related to the night they kidnapped us, and sitting here idly in hope I'll remember something feels like a waste of time. Not mine, but his.
A gentle knock on my door startles me. I take a deep breath before answering.
"Hey, what are you doing?" Jasmine asks as she opens the door of my room. Even though I was just sitting on my bed and staring at the wall until a moment ago, her words make me feel like a criminal; like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to.
"Oh, nothing much. Why?" I reply, trying to push my anxiety down.
She enters inside and I notice her hands are full of something. "Look what I've made!" It takes me a minute to figure out what exactly I'm looking at, but then I realize she's carrying lots of paper stars, just like the ones we made together a while ago. "I have more of these for you! Do you want to put them up together? You still haven't put up the ones we made before."
I think about that day she invited me to hang out with her and make some paper crafts. That same day, I found the red paper in my room, so I was mostly focused on investigating and accidentally kept putting off decorating. However, after I finally remembered some things, I was avoiding it on purpose, but now I feel like I'm not allowed to refuse her request.
"Cool, thanks. Let me just get the old ones first," I say casually, and then walk over to my desk. I slowly open the drawer—where I've previously put them—and try not to think about the red note that's hidden somewhere inside.
The real reason why I've been avoiding decorating my room is that I never wanted those decorations here in the first place. My parents didn't remove any personal belongings from my bedroom; I never had any to begin with. Apart from my clothes, books, and school supplies, nothing in this room was truly mine, and I preferred it that way. It always felt like a temporary thing to me, a place I hoped I'd escape someday because I never felt safe here. It wasn't a home to me—it was just the place I lived in.
I sneak a peek at the laptop on my desk while Jasmine isn't looking. They didn't wipe my laptop clean from any personal files and made it seem like it belonged to a stranger; I never even made it mine in the first place. The only thing I could trust with some real parts of myself was something that could be hidden more easily; something like a flash drive. If I didn't have it, I wouldn't have needed that laptop at all. It didn't mean anything to me, it only contributed to my ghost image.
But when the decorating is done and my wall is full of colorful paper stars, I realize I'm something even worse than a ghost. I'm their puppet. This is what Jasmine wanted, not me. They've always tried to turn me into a mini version of themselves that they could control as they wanted, and now that I've lost all my memories, they finally got the chance to regain their control over me and do that.
"Alright, we're all done! It really looks better now, doesn't it?" She clasps her hands together with a satisfied smile on her face.
I nod and agree weakly in hopes she'll leave me alone soon, and she does. After she's finally gone, I decide to take a shower and let the cold water wash out all of my grim thoughts. However, I'm quickly done, and I hastily hop out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my body. In the process, my fingers trace the edges of my tattoo for barely a second, but it's still on my mind when I get back to my room and open my closet, looking for some clothes to put on.
I comb through the rack and after a couple of minutes, I narrow my choice to only two shirts—a plain olive one, and a red one with a logo I don't recognize anymore. Unexpectedly, I lose my breath when an identical scene plays out in my head, as if I'm dragged back through time.
I stand in front of my closet barefoot, trying to decide which shirt to put on tonight. I go back and forth between a bright red one, and another, olive one.
Thinking how Chris will probably wait for me the entire night if I don't make up my mind quickly, I change my mind and take the third, black one.
*
We're sitting on the rusty swings in the abandoned park behind our school. Even though it's already late in the evening, we're not in a rush to go back to our homes. Well, I'm certainly not.
Laughter breaks out of me when Chris tells me the newest of his many lame jokes. It's not actually funny, but I know he's trying his best to cheer me up.
Our laughter echoes throughout the park, so I notice something's wrong a second too late. I look at Chris just in time to see his eyes go wide with shock as one hand clamps over my mouth, and another one over my eyes.
*
My whole world is shrouded in darkness. I try to blink it away, but I feel my eyelashes rubbing against a piece of fabric. Since my sight isn't of much use, I try to move instead. The struggle doesn't lead anywhere, as I realize both my arms and legs are tied up.
All of a sudden, I hear footsteps. Their sound echoes around me as they come closer, but I can't figure out which direction they're coming from.
I focus harder, and through a fog, I hear something else in the distance, although barely audible. A sound of water running. I focus again, as hard as I can, but the only thing I can conclude is that it comes from the outside of this place.
*
I run as fast as my legs allow me to, tripping over tree branches and roots protruding from the ground. The night is too dark for me to see clearly enough where I'm headed, but I don't care. I need to escape.
I feel the chills, like someone is chasing me, but there's no one behind me. Who would even chase me?
They.
Who are they? I don't know the answer to that. The only thing I know is that I have to save someone. I don't know who that someone is either, but I need to get somewhere safe. Once I'm safe, I'll come back and save them. But come back where?
My knees buckle and I fall to the ground. Wet forest floor greets me as my legs give out.
No, this is wrong. I need to get up. I need to keep moving.
I see concrete not too far ahead. A road. I muster all the strength I have and swing my arm forward, grabbing at mud and wet grass. Inch by inch, I push myself closer to the road, but my arms are too weak. My breath becomes irregular as I tell myself I need to keep my eyes open. Just a little more...
But the world around me goes black.
*
When I get back to my senses, the only thing I see in front of me is the floor. I fell down on my knees at one point. When did that even happen?
The floor moves and shakes beneath me, and the only sound I hear is that of my breathing, and I'm surprised Jasmine isn't knocking on my door yet to ask me if I'm alright. It feels too loud while it echoes around me, as if the entire world can hear it.
As I finally give out and lay on the carpet, I notice my hand is still gripping something. An imaginary golden key. The last one I needed.
Because I know where my parents are keeping Chris.
***
And here's the Big Plot Chapter #2! See you all tomorrow for another one :D
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If You Forget | ✓
Mystery / Thriller"r. p. if you forget" When she wakes up in the hospital with no memories of who she is, Elainne has no idea what to expect from her life. Fortunately for her, everything seems just perfect: her parents care about her a lot, and all of her classmates...
