Only You

Chapter 36

Alexey

By the time I arrive home, my earlier anger has receded, and left are only frustration and regret. I shouldn't have yelled at Elora. I shouldn't have lied to her about seeing another client either. Not when I haven't done that since my first date with her.

I'm glad when I find Cai in my room, who does a double take when I heavily collapse onto my bed. "I think I messed up tonight," I say, pressing the palms of my hands into my eyes.

For a second, my cousin is uncharacteristically silent. "You thought that before and everything ended up being fine, no?" he asks.

I shake my head. "Not like this. I never messed up like this. Holy shit, how could I be so unprofessional, Cai? I yelled at a client, for fuck's sake."

"I need the whole story, primo," he reminds me and I finally let my hands drop with a heavy sigh.

"I'm not even sure what happened. Everything was fine- better than fine- but then my scar and surgery came up, and how I had to drop out of college and she didn't understand. Of course, she didn't. She grew up with money and it was so easy for her to just tell me she'd give it to me. The entire amount of my dept, Cai. She just offered it to me like it was nothing."

I look at my cousin, waiting for some kind of comment or support but his forehead creases, and I know I won't like what he'll say next.

"Sounds to me like she wanted to help," he says slowly. Deep down, I know that, and my resolve to hold on to my frustration and justification a little longer weakens by the second. Elora wanted to help. I know that. And yet it triggered me somehow. Triggered me how readily she would've given up that much money for me.

Me, who doesn't have a real job or a degree. I wouldn't be out of dept. I'd just be in dept with her and that might be worse than having hospital bills line up.

God, I'm such a loser.

"I feel like shit. What is it with me and fucking up so fatally with her every other time? The shit I said again. I'm so fucking stupid, it doesn't even make sense," I groan.

"Why don't you text her? Or give her a call? Apologize and try to explain that it's just a very sore topic for you and you didn't mean it. From what you've told me, she's a good woman. I'm sure she'll listen to you. And, hey, maybe she'll still offer you the money," he says, sounding almost hopeful.

"I couldn't ever take that money."

"Why? Primo, you hate your job. It makes you miserable and giving up college devastated you. You could get a degree and the kind of job you used to dream of. And, Alexey, your mother wouldn't need your shithead of a stepfather anymore."

His words ring true and something in my chest caves. Maybe it was selfish of me to turn Elora down. I would hate nothing more than to accept her money without anything to offer in return but Cai is right. My family needs me. If I would be less busy, I could take care of my siblings more while my mother worked at the restaurant.

Maybe I could go to night school. We wouldn't need my lazy stepfather anymore to take care of his kids. It's not like he's a threat to them, they're his kids, after all, and thankfully, that means something to him. Still, the way he treats my mother isn't acceptable and I hate that my siblings have to grow up in such an environment.

"Call her," my cousin repeats, bringing me out of my thoughts.

Despite every cell in my body demanding I listen to him, I shake my head. "No. She hasn't canceled our next date yet so maybe I haven't lost my job just yet," I tell him, to which he narrows his eyes.

"So that's what this is about? The job?" Cai asks, eyeing me skeptically. Of course, he would be the first to see through me and know that I'm long past that point with Elora. I'm worried about her. Not as a client but as my- friend? How she called us. I didn't mean to hurt her or leave the way I did when just the last time, I established that I'd stay longer and treat her better.

The thought that she might have enough of my shit for good this time evokes a prickle of panic down my spine. I don't want to lose her. Somewhere along the lines, my dates with her have become something I look forward to every other minute. And I don't think it's because I see her as a friend.

I can't allow myself to think that way, tough. Especially not when I just proved hours ago what a mess I am. How motherfucking unworthy. While Elora is anything but. So good that it makes my chest ache. So beautiful, I want to scream it at times. Why she still goes on these dates with me, I have no idea.

She should be fine without me. I'm sure she never needed me in the first place. I was just selfish enough to want her enough for the both of us. Already on that first date when I proposed this whole deal.

I knew it was a dangerous, stupid idea. I knew it and yet she enthralled me enough to throw caution to the wind. Now here I am, me and my stupid feelings for I woman I can never have.

"Of course, that's what it's about. I might not accept her offer but I do need our dates, you know? She's my main source of income," I say, sounding unconvincing to my own ears as I call her those unpleasant words.

"Right," Cai says, doing a bad job of keeping the disbelief off his face.

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Next chapter is cute again, dww guys

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