Starfish

Fourteen

"Athe?" Ardus slid his apartment door closed. No answer. "Athe, are you here?" His assistant wasn't scheduled to be in, but lately Ardus wondered if the younger Dreen would start laying traps for him as Nina had. He looked in the kitchen, even pulling open the pantry door but Athe did not come bursting out. Why did I say that? Why do I always find myself saying the most ridiculous things around her? He swept the door shut and searched the rest of the apartment, his inner monologue a storm. Mishandling? What am I, a screamer? He rested his head against the cool steel of the refrigeration unit. He hadn't said anything too obviously crude, but the way he'd said it... He worried that she'd say something to Nia, or Reda, and that it would come back to him in a poor light. He hoped he hadn't offended her, that the game they'd played with words had been innocent enough even if the meanings could be construed as much less so. Sea gods, I have really drilled the hull this time.

Or... Ardus stopped in the hallway to his bedroom. She was participating as well... In fact, she was enjoying herself. He knew that look by now, the way she bit her lower lip when she was making some witty observation. Nina was the one who'd begun the verbal match, her comment about his handling of Meem's worms setting the stage for the repartee that followed. Many years ago someone had called him good with his words, both on paper and in private. Nina had pointed it out as well, calling his papers beautifully written. But something had hooked his tongue and ran off with it today, even an hour later his chest still pounded and fluttered with the excitement of parsing together hints and double meanings and getting back equally clever sallies loaded with secrets. If Reda ever hears what came out of my mouth today, she will fire me for inappropriate behavior and then kill me.

Leaning against the wall, Ardus cupped his chin in one hand and remembered. The way that dress clung to Nina's body, the way her legs whispered against each other beneath its skirt, how low the neck dipped over her soft, smooth - "Ah!" He ran his hand back over his forehead. His face felt strange and he realized he was smiling. "What is this?" He turned into the bathroom and stood before the mirror, studying the ridiculous expression on his face. "I am grinning like an idiot! All over a few words?" No, over what she meant by them. I could use a challenge. The bigger, the better. Did she really mean what he thought she might, that he was the challenge? I thought someone of your size would be...rough. The look in her eyes when she'd said it had shaken him, hot and daring. Her pink little mouth had curled into a smile when she'd said it, too. "This is ridiculous," he told his reflection. "I cannot be getting flustered over a few words."

But they hadn't been just words, they were cues. She'd posed, wriggled, and toyed with her hair and jewelry as they talked, her words getting bolder. I wonder what other things you do well. That, he knew, had been a purposeful jab, a comment designed on the spot to provoke him. And he had been provoked. Ardus thought over what he'd said, the final words of their conversation coming back to him in a wave. "You idiot." He grinned at himself again. "What makes you think she would be interested in an old man?"

Ardus leaned forward, examining himself in the mirror. Do I look old? He knew he was, but his face gave nothing away. His eyes were clear, his skin taut and the color rich, smooth and shiny over his forehead and cheekbones. Just the barest tracing of lines around his eyes and mouth gave any hint that several years had passed since he'd last shared clever words with someone. I do not look that old. Perhaps it is not even that – perhaps humans have vastly different standards and preferences when it comes to attractiveness. He stood back, and immediately winced at the soreness in his shoulders and back. All the exercise. Long evenings in the pool, diving and lapping as hard as he could go, trying to wear himself out so he could sleep, so that he would be too tired to lie awake with his mind going a thousand miles an hour. Of course he was sore. He rolled his neck and shoulders and stretched. A hot bath would help. He turned and stopped the enormous tub and ran the taps. A good soak, a book, and something to drink. While the bath filled and the mirror steamed, Ardus fixed himself a tall glass of ice and juice and found something to read on his tablet. He wondered if Nina was doing anything similar.