Overdrive | ✓

postlude

[11/22/2022]

I won't lie, I prepped most of this note a while ago, but it's taken a few different forms as my emotional state evolved as I got closer to actually finishing this. I word vomited some things, changed a bunch, added stuff, cut stuff, etc. I needed to process that Overdrive was actually done and not just on some break or hiatus or working some things out. No, it's actually done. Two and a half fucking years later and it's done.

I always pride myself on writing things that I think are genuinely "important." As I'm sure most of y'all know, I'm a big advocate for addiction and substance abuse recovery and changing the stereotypes and stigmas attached to addicts. I always have and always will stand by that, and it will always be important to me. While there are no themes of addiction in Overdrive, mental health still plays a major, albeit more subtle factor. I'm very proud of what I've been able to accomplish with this story on that end, and take my love of things like surfing and formula 1 and combine it with my desire to tell "important" stories.

But there's something else about Overdrive that's different from anything I've written before, and I had a hard time figuring out what exactly that was at first. If I had to boil it down to one thing, it's this - Overdrive is about overcoming. Overcoming physical and mental adversity, overcoming our fears, overcoming other people's perceptions of us because we have to learn that what we think of ourselves is more important. Overcoming all these obstacles so you can just live a good life.

And I realized it had that effect on me too, and the process of writing it forced me to overcome a lot. Overcoming the initial negativity surrounding the story, the toxic fans, the plagiarism, the sheer uncomfortableness I would feel whenever I'd post a chapter. I mean for fucks sake it went on a year long hiatus because of all of that. Overdrive has gone through a lot, like more than I'm even comfortable explaining. While I could sit here and point fingers at people who have wronged me or this story, that would do it all a great disservice. Some things are just better left unsaid.

There was a point in time I said I was never picking this up again. It sat in my docs for months, untouched, and there were times I couldn't even open it without getting upset about things that happened. Yes, I'm proud of this story in a lot of ways, and I genuinely think it's the best thing I've written to date, but the fact that I simply finished it is where I'm most proud. At some point (though I couldn't tell you exactly when), I decided that all those negative things were far less important than the happiness and joy I felt working on this story, and that's why it's now complete. Finishing it means more to me than I could ever eloquently put into words. It's got a permanent mark on my heart, and writing it as a whole has changed me in ways I'm still processing.

Thank you for reading, for sticking through it, for coming back to it time and time again, and for loving my kids as much as I do. After all, what happens in Monaco doesn't always stay in Monaco ❤️

Sav -

My fucking bounce back surfer queen. There will never be another like you.

While I have special connections with a lot of my characters, I typically don't model characters after people I know since I genuinely like creating characters, and I don't want to ever feel like I'm projecting people onto fiction. But for some reason, I found myself just pouring pieces of me into her, which I'd never done with any character I'd written before, and I think that's what makes her special. Sav, you are a lot of parts of me that I love about myself, and some that I don't. You have been a vessel for my love of making playlists (all of which understandably need a Third Eye Blind song), my love for surfing, my fashion sense (do I dress like Sav or does Sav dress like me? big life questions), my desire to travel the world and live just slightly unhinged enough that it's cool. You've also been a way for me to express my lack of self-confidence, my impostor's syndrome, been my means of facing fears, overcoming adversity, and loving people who feel like it's not okay to not be okay.

I love you like the sister I never had, and I always will.

Atlas -

My brooding angel boy. You deserve the world. You are strong and stoic and resilient and have understood that you can still be those things while also being vulnerable and being able to say hey, I'm not doing okay.

I wanted Atlas's struggles with his perceived persona and his mental health to be a reflection of how we treat and perceive professional athletes. The reality is we don't know them, their lives, or what they're going through, and we have no business assuming that we do. We don't know shit. I implore y'all to read a few of my favorite Players Tribune articles (see John Wall, Kevin Love, Jordan Poyer) written by some professional athletes who have faced mental health struggles and how they've felt like the image projected onto them by the public damaged their ability to ask for help. This is a conversation we still need to actively be having, and Atlas was my way of contributing to the conversation. I want to feel like it's realistic to say he's gonna be okay, and he will be. Who knows, maybe you'll see his own Players Tribune article in the near future. ❤️

And lastly, Sar [w1ldflow3r]

I suppose there's a lot of poignant irony in being a writer and being at a loss for words (jokes on me tho bc you know I never shut up). But I guess that means this is kind of serious. I don't know how to thank you enough for the friendship you've given me and life you've given this story. I feel like this is a sort of chicken or the egg thing, where I'm not sure if writing Overdrive/CC together is what made our friendship so strong, or our growing friendship is what made Overdrive/CC the amazing piece of work that it is today. Either way, writing with you has been the best experience I could have ever asked for. Hours upon hours of facetimes, wine nights, playlist making and song sharing, and 2 am pinterest across several countries and time zones gave us Sav and Gem in real life. I remember when after I came home from staying with you in London, Greg joked "hey, she's not your online friend anymore she's your real friend." But I feel like you've always been my real friend, I was just watching you cook dinner from a different angle this time.

I kind of love not being able to pinpoint an exact moment when our friendship happened, because that checks out. It really did sort of just happen, and the next thing you know I'm sending you texts at 1 am my time bc you were still on the west coast going I WROTE THIS RANDOM SCENE WITH THIS RANDOM GIRL WANNA READ IT. No literally that's what happened. (spoiler alert, it was the scene where atlas takes sav up to the overlook in monaco. that text was dated july of 2020).

"Girl" eventually turned into Savannah and well...y'all know what happened, because you read it.

You are truly and genuinely the Gemma to my Savannah in almost every way imaginable, and while I'm not sure anyone else will ever fully understand the depth of how legitimate that is, I know you do, and that's all that matters. You have given us the gift of Callahan Jane and Gemma Frost. You are, simply put, one of my best fucking friends, and here's to many more years of creating perfect chaos with you. I can't wait to come back to London and drunkenly fall asleep on your couch again after getting bao buns and ice cream and blood on my gucci sneakers from running to and from the palace. ttyl or whatever <3

To anyone else who's made it this far -

Thank you for all of your love and support the last few years. I really am eternally grateful. Any other closing thoughts or notes, please feel free to leave them here ❤️