The Five Steps | Jensoo

Chapter 32

Jisoo

When I wake up the next morning with puffy eyes, there's a small part of me that actually believes I'm going to pick up my phone to find an apology text waiting to be opened.

Pretty stupid of me.

I drop my phone back onto my bed and for the first time in a long time I fully take in the horror that used to be my room. My clothes are everywhere, shirts thrown onto the floor, pants strewn over every bedpost. My books and binders are lying across the floor, mixed together with dirty socks. I've been so caught up with Jennie and the plan that I haven't really noticed how bad it's gotten.

High school Jisoo would've had a stroke if she'd seen this.

I spend the next couple of hours putting everything back in its place, the way it used to be. The way it should be. An extra pang of sadness hits me as I refold the pile of sweatpants that Jennie destroyed before we went to the mall.

This usually helps. Cleaning tends to have a healing effect on me but by the time I finish I actually feel worse because I spend the whole time thinking about how things ended with me and Jennie last night.

I pull out my phone, my thumb hovering over my mum's contact but I stop myself. I've basically been ghosting her for two weeks. What kind of message does it send if I give in and call her now when everything has gone to shit? She's just going to think I need her in the way that I used to need her and that's not what I want, but I need to get out of my head. I need to get out of this dorm.

So I decide to take a ride over to Jin's house.

When I arrive he puts a pause on whatever Netflix documentary he's watching and I plop down next to him on the couch. "What's up?" he asks.

"Not much. Needed to get out of my dorm. Just got done cleaning because it kinda... exploded. There was crap everywhere," I reply.

"Really? You're always so... neat," he says. I think of my makeup which was scattered all over my desk from the two hours it took me to apply it before rollerskating and then again before the concert.

"Yeah well... for once I actually had something to do besides clean." I laugh pathetically at myself.

"How was that concert?" he asks.

"Fine."

"How's Chaeyoung?"

"Fine."

"How's Lisa?"

"Fine."

"And Jennie?"

"Fine."

"So everything's fine, huh?" he asks, clearly picking up on my tone.

"Not really," I reply, letting the sadness seep into my voice as I slouch against the couch.

"What happened? What's wrong?" he asks.

"Jennie turned out to be kind of a jerk after all." I tell him what happened last night, what she said to me at the end of the concert.

"Well maybe you should talk to her about it. It sounds like things were pretty tense with her girlfriend. Maybe she didn't mean–"