Slow Slide to the End

Chapter 1

Rain couldn't pinpoint when exactly he began noticing it. It started small with no kiss before falling asleep, forgotten text replies, or not checking to see if Rain had eaten. Then it moved to not having breakfast together before leaving for work, asking Rain to sleep at home because he'd be home too late from work, never coming out with Rain's friends on the weekends, and no dates in months. Rain felt itchy in his skin and unsure of what was happening. He'd tried asking about it but got responses like "Nothing's wrong," "I'm just busy," and "Can we talk about it later?" Rain was growing convinced that the end of his relationship was close and he didn't know what to do to stop it.

Sky had taken notice and asked over and over. "Rain, what is wrong? I know something is wrong. Why won't you talk to me? I want to help." But Rain didn't have words. No words ever came. There was a hole in the middle of him that sucked in all the words he wanted to say. Nothing could come out. But all the words and feelings sat inside him with no outlet and they grew - blacker, colder, and full of pain.

He withdrew. From his friends and his family. Thoughts rolled in his head constantly. Was he not a good boy? Was he not good enough? Did he do something wrong? Was he too annoying? Too boring? Not pretty enough? Not cool enough? Too childish? Too immature? Not smart enough? Too scatterbrained? Too much work? Not worth the effort?

He had thought they were in love. So in love. He thought this was forever. He had once felt like the most cherished thing imaginable. Had felt cared for and thought the other loved caring for him.

But now, now it just feels ugly and sad. He felt alone, untethered, unsure of his place. He just knew that if he didn't leave soon before he hit bottom, he might not ever recover. He knew he had to leave but didn't know how. How to walk away from his whole existence. He just couldn't make that first step out the door and away from his love, his heart, his daddy.