Beneath the warm sun

6

I was laying on a stone bench, My mother hasn't visited since 3 months, she sent me letters but couldn't come. She proclaimed bring busy but I doubted it, even when she was busy she used to have the time to come see me. I chewed on my thumb, feeling my own flesh squish under my teeth. I heard foot steps and yanked my head to the side to see who it was. I smiled as I saw Isidor walking toward me. I sat up to give him so place next to me, he sat and handed me an apple. I gave him a smile to thanks him, It made me feel better.

- What. My voice cracked.

My father was standing in front of me, his expression twisted from remorse and pain. My ears were ringing, everything was shaking and my blood was boiling. I couldn't believe what he just told me. My mom had passed away 2 weeks ago, I felt nauseous. He opened his mouth to say something but I left, slamming the door behind me. A weird feeling went through me, a mix of sadness and denial. She couldn't be death right? It was a lie, I hoped it was, I mentally prayed to the god it would be. I walked wobbling to the dorm. A few boys ran past me and accidentally pushed me, they apologized before continuing running. I blinked slowly. I stared down at a box on my bed that my father probably placed there earlier today. I took it and dropped it on the floor. The air around me felt heavy, like if a viking boat was on top of me, making me unable to go to the surface of water. My throat felt like it was being squeezed, a pair of hands choking me. I slowly sat on my bed with an unreadable expression, nobody bothered me and honestly I preferred to not be disturbed for now. My eyes drove back to the box on the floor, filled with some stuffs that used to be my mothers property. I was afraid to go through it, I didn't want to cry, I had to control myself but the realization that this wasn't a bad joke from my dad slowly made his way in my overwhelming brain. My expression twisted, this night I didn't eat, My stomach wasn't allowing me to. I kept involuntary picturing my mother, lifeless on her bed, her long blond hair perfectly brushed as always. my eyes felt watery but I shook my head and laid in my bed, I needed sleep.

I was avoiding everyone, including Isidor.. I still hadn't mourned my mother's death, I knew that if I explained it to him he would understand but I just didn't want to talk about it for now I spent most of my day hiding in the kitchen, the cook didn't mind I wasn't disturbing him. I stared at what he was doing, watching him cut off the head of some chickens or fish. When it was late I would go back at the dorm,  I steal didn't touch the box. I yawned as I opened the dorm's door. Two boys my age bent over my bed, looking through my stuff, Isidor was telling them to stop but they didn't seem to listen. Like some deaf animals, this made me snap, all the anger I had contained popped, I walked firmly toward them before shoving one of them against the wall. The other boy seemed frightened and dropped the book he was holding, I let go off the one I was holding to quickly take the book on the floor. I heard them muttering some insults and waled away. I softly brushed the dust off my mother's book. Isidor kneeled and helped me, I snatched the book from him and frowned. He didn't say anything, only looked at me sadly with his usual puppy eyes. His sad expressions never matched his body, he was wide and slowly getting tall, if he trained well and hate a lot he would be bulking rapidly. My eyes narrowed back to the books, It was books about herbs and medicine. My gaze got more relaxed, I analyzed the book before putting it on my bed among with the others. I got up and shook my tunic to make sure I don't accidentally get it dirty. Isidor was hesitating to say something but finally managed to speak.

- I'm sorry— I heard by Athanasios— that your mom— she. He was searching his words.

Athanasios, son of a famous fallen soldier that fought for this kingdom. He was good with a sword but never knew when to shut up. My eyes got bitter but I sighed, emptying my lungs from the air I inhaled as I was angry. I felt more calm, like a soft breath of wind. I looked at Isidor, he stopped talking. I looked at him in silence, he understood that I didn't want to mention it. He apologized, he stayed near me without talking, my heart felt lighter. It was relaxing to have a friend you could count on during rough times like that, I gave him a sad smile and he smiled back. His smile was heart warming, like a cup of sideritis tea.