by insert_creative_username
"Will, can you pack your DnD books?" Joyce yelled from the other room.
"Yes!" Will yelled back.
Will finished taping up a box and walked to through his empty house to his room. As he walked, he looked around. He missed how the walls were so filled with drawings he made, and photographs Jonathan took. Mostly they were of holidays, sometimes they were just normal days Jonathan found a bit more happiness in, but they were always memories. Memories that lived in their home. But of course, Will couldn't reminisce like that. His family already had one foot out the door. And so did-
"Hey, Will, can I help with the DnD books?
Will turned around to see Mike, with his small smile. "Joyce said you were by your bedroom, but I walked around and found you here. Why are you staring at a picture of Jonathan, Joyce and our party?"
Will panicked for a second. He was zoned out, so he didn't know he was looking at that picture.
"I was just... uh... planning to pack it up!"
Will didn't know if Mike would buy the lie, but luckily, he did.
"Okay, well, let's go to pack up the books! I wanna see them for one last time before you leave."
Will glanced at Mike with a confused expression.
"One last time? I thought we were going to play at my new house."
Silence between them lingered for a moment. Mike was putting in a little too much effort to choose his words. After a few seconds, he spoke up.
"I know we will, but not as much, you know?"
"Well, yeah." Will said, and that same silence lingered between them for more awkward seconds. When Mike got up and picked up a book, Will kept talking.
"I just thought it wouldn't be as much of a big deal to you."
"Of course it's a big deal. You're moving!"
Will shook his head. "No, not the moving thing. You seeing my DnD books. Our DnD books. For the so-called last time. Won't you remember how they look anyway? Won't you see them the same way?"
Mike was dumbfounded.
"Now it's my turn to ask why you're making such a big deal. Of course I'll remember parts of them, don't expect me to know every detail! Do these DnD books really matter that much to you?"
Will's frown turned to a face Mike had never seen before. His expression was of pure anger.
"Oh yeah, those DnD books are the meaning of life. I think about them before I go to sleep. No, Mike! Those DnD books are us! I know you're not going to remember. You don't want to. You already have one foot out the door! You're acting like this is the end!"
"Well, we'll talk less, but-"
"Oh, really? What about with El? Will you send her letters because you love and remember her so much?"
"That's-"
A screaming Joyce from the other room interrupted Mike's rebuttal.
"Give me the box! We're ready to go!"
Mike opened his mouth, about to say something, but Will silenced him.
"Don't lie to me Mike. Let's have it your way. I'm perfectly fine with that. I'm packing the books right now. Go on, say goodbye to them. Say goodbye to us."
Mike stuttered, trying to find his words. Will threw his DnD books in the box, taped it up, and carried it to the living room, leaving Mike alone with his thoughts, the last member of the Byres family (not blood related) to dwell in the house.
Mike lay in his bed, staring at the ceiling. His back was to the clock, trying and failing to sleep. After a few more minutes of tossing, turning, and fidgeting with his shirt, Mike finally gave in and looked at the clock. 12:39 AM. Damn.
Mike got up from his bed and went to his desk. He turned on his night light, temporarily blinding himself in the process. Mike knew he had to do something. He was probably stressed because he didn't tell El he loved her, even though he needed to. He meant to. But instead, he was stuck in Will's room, to scared to go out, because that meant he world see Will along with El.
Mike caught himself thinking again and picked up a book. He flipped through the pages and tried to read, but after five minutes or so, he put it down. It reminded him too much of the DnD books. The old, slightly worn out DnD books he and Will had been using since they were seven. The imperfect yet priceless books he could look at for hours, because they reminded him there were still beautiful things on his worst (and even best) days.
Before he realized what he was doing, Mike found himself destroying his autographed copy of The Phantom Tollbooth, a book he had read multiple times in fifth grade on the playground. The same book Will had signed, because of the signing they went to.
Mike cursed to himself. Why did everything have to remind him of his best friend? Mike sat for a few seconds, hopeless. Then, he came up with an idea.
He got a piece of paper. Writing a letter to El would distract him, right? When you love someone, your mind won't think of anything else but then, so surely El would help him stop thinking.
Mike held his pencil.
Dear El, he wrote, then paused. Mike tapped his pencil on the desk, thinking of things he could mention.
Sorry, I
Nope. He erased that. He shouldn't start with that. He should start with something casual. Like a joke. Mike tried to think of the last funny joke he heard. Well, there was this one from Will-
Mike couldn't do this anymore. He crumpled up the paper, threw it in the trash, and ripped a new one out of his notebook. After taking a deep breath, he started writing.
Dear Will,
Honestly, I don't really know how to start this. I could tell a joke, or mention another stupid thing my dad said, but that's probably just me running away from what I want to say again. I don't wanna do that anymore. I've been doing it for a long time.
I'm not going to pretend I didn't know what you meant when you talked about our DnD books. I knew all along, but I was a coward. And I still am. I don't think I can say this out loud. It's a miracle I'm even writing this on paper.
I shouldn't be so scared of this. You're the most empathetic, smart and understanding person I know. You notice everything. You're in touch with your emotions, and the ones of those around you. That's what makes you brave and strong.
But I'm not. It's not that I can't handle that burden, I'm just too scared to acknowledge everything. I'm too scared to acknowledge that I will in fact memorize all the covers and pages and little doodles on our DnD books. I know I'll remember you like I used to, and that scares me. You know why? Because I'm scared of feelings, and the truth is, you make me feel things.
You said that I was going to write El letters because I loved her so much. But you're so wrong. I'm now finding myself writing you a letter, and based on why you said I'd write to El, you probably know why I'm doing that.
I'm sorry for making you feel like I won't remember you. I'm sorry for letting my fears hurt you. I'm not saying my fears will change overnight, but once I know you read this letter and you don't think I'm stupid or overemotional (which I know you won't, but my brain won't let me believe it), I'm going to work on myself. Because you deserve it more than anyone.
Love,
Mike
Mike was having a meltdown. It had been a week since he sent the letter, and Will still hadn't written back. Mike poured his heart out. He faced his fears, and they came true. He was officially living a nightmare. He did it all for Will, but he didn't even care.
Then again, maybe Will had a reason to. Mike could still remember the tears in Will's eyes, threatening to spill out. Mike knew why Will didn't cry. If Mike wasn't worth his tears, then Mike certainly wasn't worth even a minute of his time. Mike knew he deserved this silence, but it hurt. It hurt him so fucking bad.
Will was Will the Wise for a reason. Will always found a way to let Mike know the truth, and not just in DnD. But Mike never thought a Will the Wise lesson would hurt this much.
Maybe it was better for Mike to hide his emotions after all. Maybe it was better to numb himself. Maybe it was better for him to refrain from trying to fix what he had broken and still adored. Maybe it was better to call El.
Mike picked up his phone and dialed in El's number. To both Mike's dread and luck he picked up. Back to pretending.
"Hey, El!"
"Hi."
"I can't wait to see you again. I already have Eggos prepared!"
El laughed. "Same, I miss you already. I lo-"
"Mike, I heard about your fight with Will."
Mike paused, grimacing. He wasn't supposed to think about that, but then again, he needed to know.
"Did he see my letter?" Mike asked.
"He did. He definently did."
"Did he send one back?"
El stayed silent for a second, then spoke.
"Well, no, but don't worry. I'm not supposed to say anything, so just trust me."
Mike was perplexed.
"What? Doesn't he hate me now? I'm so confused right-"
Right then, the doorbell rang.
"You better get that," El said in a knowing tone.
"Huh?"
"I'll leave you to it." El laughed, ending the call. The bell rang again, and Mike gave in.
He walked downstaires, opening the front door to Will's smiling face. Mike's heart started racing and his stomach filled with nervous yet excited butterflies.
"Hey Will, look, I'm sorr-"
Will interrupted Mike with a huge hug. Mike instinctively stiffened, then exhaled, letting himself melt into someone's touch for once. Mike tightened his grip on Will, and they held each other till they eventually let go. Jonathan smiled. He had never seen Will hug someone so tightly.
"Now I see what Will insisted on dragging me here for." He said, chuckling.
"Do you mind if we play some DnD? We can invite Dustin and Lucas here in a bit!" Mike offered. "I just hope you remembered to bring your books."
