Vent

Confused

I am running through a never ending maze.

Why is it that my stability is crashing and burning? That my mom's words conflict with my dad's and I am again left in the pit of invalidation, wondering if I truly have what I think I have. If I am actually diagnosed or am I just crazy. My pessimism says the latter but it isn't that simple. My mom is someone who I can't trust, but is it truth she speaks, or manipulation to keep me in this never ending cycle of depression and self doubt? She is caring, but is it just a farse? Something to cover up the horrible person inside? Is it only when she's drunk she shows her true colors? My dad is kind, though not a saint as my childhood has led me to seek approval and validation from him. His satisfaction is my goal in everything. His uninterest breaks me. I believe he is truthful. My mom tells me that he made her weigh herself and shamed her. Who to believe? My traitorous mind chooses to believe my mother, who says I am not diagnosed. She even says she doesn't think I have it, because of stereotypes and generalizations in her head.

She

Has

No

Idea

How

Hard

It

Is

I can't do this...

EVERYTHING IS GOING WRONG

WHEN WILL I FEEL SAFE AND STABLE???

WHEN CAN I SETTLE DOWN AND BE CONTENT??

i hate everything...