Vent

Silence

Everywhere I go, the world is muted,
Like earbuds forever in my ears,
Or a party in the other room

The colours are dull and lifeless,
A fuzzy distortion of reality,
But reality is only perceived,

I wonder if it started earlier, the falling out,
What if the feelings had already ceased?
And I was just too delusional to take the hint,
Too blinded by total infatuation,
To realize that it was insencere,

But its all speculation,
The static over every sense has already consumed me whole,
I am unable to speak over the overwhelming silence,
Too loud to even hear my own begging, Calling for help that will never come,

No one truly cares,
Will they even notice my absence?
My testing says no,
Though it would be difficult to miss when my own mom drives you

This train of thought is common for me,
How would people find out about my death?
How would it go?
How would people react?
What would my funeral be like?
What would my note be?
What would my will be like?
It is comical how I meticulously plan out my death more than I do my own wedding,
The future is bleak,
I wonder if I'll even have one

I'm just reminded that no one would miss me,
No one would even notice if it weren't for my carpooling,
The intense silence is proof of that,
Feeling like an outsider in my own group,
I've lost my ability to socialize like a normal person

I am just so tired,
The white noise in the back of my mind,
Lolls me into a deep slumber,
One that I hope I never awake,
The truth is too painful