On the Outside

ii. people watching

The rain is here again. 

I quickened my pace as a cold gust of wind sent shivers on my exposed skin. The sky is getting darker by each passing minute as the dark clouds started to block the sun away. The other people around me have already opened their umbrellas to shield themselves from the splattering rain. Just my luck that I forgot to bring mine today. With a small sigh, I decided to run the remaining distance towards the white building in front of me. 

Pagpasok ko sa loob ng building ay dumiretso ako sa pag-akyat sa hagdan habang hinihiling na sana ay hindi sirado ang aking destinasyon. Pagdating ko sa harap ng El Bimbo Tattoo Shop ay nakahinga ako nang maluwag nang makitang umiilaw ang neon sign nitong "Open".

I pushed the door open carefully and looked inside. Nasa mesa niya si ate Irish na masaya kong binati bago ako pumasok. Mukhang busy ito dahil hindi maalis sa kanyang laptop ang kanyang mga mata at kaway lang ng kamay ang sagot niya. 

"Dito muna ako ah. Wala akong payong eh," I told her before going further inside the studio. 

Hindi na ako nagulat nang makita ko si Andrei na nagta-tattoo sa isang costumer na babae. Mukhang pareho silang busy kaya iniwan ko ang bag ko sa tabi at saka pumunta sa balcony ng shop. Humina na ang ulan pero mukhang matagal pa bago ito tumila. May bubong ang balcony kaya umupo ako sa isa sa mga monoblock sa tabi.

I pulled out a stick of Marlboro from my safety short's pocket and put it in my mouth. Pagkatapos ay sinindihan ko ito gamit ang aking lighter. I exhaled softly before looking at the view around me.

The El Bimbo Tattoo Shop is located in the building's second floor so I have a pretty good view of the town up here. Kitang-kita rin ang school campus at ang mga estudyanteng naglalakad na naka-payong sa loob. Hindi ko mapigilang humikab nang muling humangin nang malamig. Wala pa naman akong dalang sweater o jacket. Hihiram na lang ako kay ate Irish mamaya.

I took a long deep drag from my cigarette as I watch the raindrops from the roof. The sound of them hitting lazily on the roof never fails to get into my nerves. I never thought I would come to hate the rain. I hate getting wet now lalo na kapag nasa paaralan o may lakad ako. I easily get cold and my body aches terribly because of it. Noong bata ako ay paborito ko itong season dahil madalas akong nakaka-absent kapag masyadong malakas ang ulan. Magluluto si mama ng arozcaldo at ako naman ay balot na balot ng kumot habang nanood ng anime sa TV. Naaalala ko noon ay madalas kong hilingin na sana ay palaging umulan para maka-absent ako. But that was before. They're nothing but meaningless memories now.

After awhile, the rain got heavy again. The raindrops drummed loudly on the roof with a continuous deafening noise. The sky that was already a bit pleasant earlier once again became dark with gray clouds, locking out every bit of sunlight. Looks like this day is really determined to deprive us of the sun's warmth.

I always see people claiming about their love for the rain in social media or even in movies and stories. Mga pluviophile, as they call themselves. Maybe it's the trend or whatever. According to them, they like the sound of the raindrops, they like the thunder, they just love the gloomy and dark weather. They find the rain poetic, writing about the comfort it brings and all. I hate it with all my heart. Ano bang magandang dulot ng ulan? Anong mapapala natin mula dito?Lamig. Aside from floods and calamities, the rain will just make you feel cold and lonely. It's not like it can give us miracles or blessings. It literally just makes our day dark and uncomfortable. 

Or maybe it's just me who feels like this because everyone else have someone to keep them warm. I look at the cigarette between my fingers before putting it back in my mouth. I have something to give me warmth too. I don't need anyone anyway.

I took a long drag before looking back down at the school. I think about the classes we will have later as I watch some students entering the school gates below. I heard we're gonna have a test again this afternoon. I guess I have no choice but to go back later. I already missed a test yesterday pero wala na naman akong ganang pumasok ngayon. Nakakatamad mabuhay, sa totoo lang. Hanggang kailan kaya ako ganito? Araw-araw na lang akong pagod kahit wala namang masyadong ginagawa. Bawat galaw, bawat hininga ko ay ang bigat sa dibdib.