Two Idiots Walk Into a Bar (Dramione)

One Idiot (Finally) Knows

Monday arrived and Draco Malfoy was up and out of bed at stupid o'clock – deliberately.

This is it.

I'll have the truth today.

He thought obsessively as he walked to his closet, paying extra-attention to his chosen attire that day, aiming to arm himself with the confidence he knew he'd need for what he was about to do: confront Granger – on purpose.

Should I just ask her point-blank? He wondered as he decided on a dark grey three-piece suit, a black dress shirt, a black cravat, and shiny (also black) dragonhide shoes.

Have you been going to any muggle bars recently, Granger?

No, he couldn't simply ask her that!

If She were Jean and realised that he was Jake before he had the chance to explain himself, She'd never look at him again – or worse: could even accuse him of having known the truth from the beginning and being using Her for some nefarious personal reason.

No.

He'd lose her forever then.

NO!

He had to think strategically.

Once Draco was fully dressed, with his hair perfectly slicked back – but with not enough hair gel to be stiff – he stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He looked proper good.

Hopefully She'd think that too.

If his theory proved to be true and Jean Lewis and Hermione Granger ended up being the same person, Draco would work on finding out who was the man Granger loved and make sure he never set eyes on her again (and then Draco would court her, shower her with love and adoration, marry her and fuck his heirs into her fucking perfect body).

However, in case his theory proved to be wrong and the two women weren't the same person... well, then he was certainly going to court Jean for he had no doubts she could make him forget Her – it had only been two days since he last saw Jean and he already missed her kisses and yearned to feel her under him again.

After having a light breakfast – since his nerves were making him somewhat queasy – Draco threw floo powder into his fireplace.

It was time to find out the truth.

________________

Draco walked from the Ministry Atrium towards Her office thinking about his plan: he was going to wait for Her inside the office and make her talk about her Friday evening.

Simple.

Only not, because when he reached the Post-War Amendments Department, Draco realised he'd have to improvise, for She was already there on her chair behind her desk.

"Granger." He greeted with a charming smile.

She clearly hadn't been expecting to see him there that early, for her head snapped towards him and she looked surprised.

Draco didn't miss the way her eyes took in his perfectly put together look, but her approving gaze quickly turned angry and she seemed somehow offended by his presence.

"What are you doing here this early?" she harshly asked. "Is the world ending?"

"What?" he frowned, failing to understand what she meant.