The urge to just give up is high, to high. Everything is going wrong. First my grandma gets diagnosed with dementia. Then it gets worse, and now she has to take medications because of other stuff and she keeps forgetting about it. He blood pressure is basically always to high and that isn't good at all. Then she also has to have surgery om her hand because something in her bone is weird and it is making her hand hurt to the point where she can't use ut anymore. Then my dog gets sick. We don't know what he has but he keeps on walking weird, we are currently giving him medication but still fucking sucks. Then my cat gets an infection on her fucking tooth. Which means she'll stop chewing and just swallow her food whole, but then just ends up throwing it up again. We'll have to take her to the vet for that. BUT WE ARE STILL NOT FUCKING DONE! Because then her brother starts to get super sick. He stops eating, everytime he lays down he looks super uncomfortable and in pain, he meows at everything, he hisses if you come near him. So what do we do? We take him to the vet. And what does the vet say? "You'll have to prepare yourself, because he won't get to become old." SO TURNS OUT THAT MY OTHER CAT PROPABLY HAS A FUCKING BRAINTUMOR!! GREAT, JUST FUCKING GREAT! And wanna know the best part? WE ARE STILL NOT DONE! Yesterday I had to talk about my future and job and all of that shit with my father. The thing is, I have absolutely no fucking clue what I want to do with my life! I can't work well with humans, I can barely talk to strangers and I'm just overall not the best person when it comes to helping other humans. So now I'll have to talk to this lady from the "Arbeitsamt" that came to our school for shit like that. PROBLEM IS I CANT TALK WITH STRANGERS! JUST FUCKING GREAT! Then I also had a fight with a person that I thought was my friend. Because I'm just overwhelmed by all of that shit I kind of had a breakdown in class today. And in art we have to do something that I can't fucking do, DRAW A BODY, BUT, MAKE IT ON A CARDGAME CARD. SO, I HAVE TO DRAW A BODY AND THEN DRAW THAT SAME THING, DOWN TO EVERYWST FUCKING DETAIL, ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE PAPER! AND I JUST CANT DO THAT. So when I was trying to do the task, my pencil slipped into a hole in my table and I just lost it and started to cry. So then my brain does this wonderful thing, were it just prevents me from talking to people. So I decided that it would just be best to try and avoid conversation. SO THEN THIS GIRL THAT I DON'T EVEN THINK I WANT TO CALL MY FRIEND ANYMORE, TRYS TO PRESSURE ME INTO TALKING EVEN THO SHE KNOWS EXACTLY THAT I CANT TALK SOMETIMES. AND NOW SHE IS MAD AT ME AS IF IT IS MY FAULT! Also she said "Wenn du dich so benimmst kann man nicht nüchtern Mut dir reden!" Basically telling me that she would have to be drunk to put up with my shit. WELL EXCUSE ME, IM SORRY THAT I HAVE FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS THAT I CANT JUST FIX MY GETTING YELLED AT! And lastly, my new binder arrived today. Great part is, if I put it on it doesn't make me flat. IT JUST SHOWES WHAT I WANT TO HIDE EVEN MORE! I CAN'T FUCKING DEAL WITH THIS SHIT ANYMORE! WHY WON'T THE WORLD JUST GIVE ME ONE GOOD FUCKING THING RIGHT NOW?! FOR EXAMPLE, THE WAR ENDING! OR NORTH KOREA GETTING THEIR SHIT TOGHETER AND STOP TESTING MISSLES/MISSELS OVER CHINA! I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS WORLD! FUCK!
