The Garden's End (MLM)

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN.

                The days passed and December came, but Oliver did not leave his chambers. The halls were decorated with holly, the doors held wreaths, there were colourful lights and candles in every room, stockings hung over the great fireplace in the drawing room, and two ceiling-high Christmas trees, decorated and smelling of fresh pine, sat in the drawing and dining rooms. Pip wished he could take more joy in the beauty of it all.

He stayed with Lord Westcott during the mornings and afternoons as he was supposed to, but instead of returning to the gardens or his own room when he was dismissed, he went to sit against the wall across Oliver's door, his knees pulled up to his chest. Waiting.

Snow fell gently and silently outside the window, casting shadows across the hall. Pip rested his chin on his knees.

He heard someone coming up the stairs and moved to stand, but stopped when he saw Alice. She stood at the end of the corridor, smiling sadly at him with her tilted head.

Slowly, Pip sat back down as Alice joined him.

"Jack and Robert are still teasing the children," she said lightly. "And Miss Westcott and Miss Bradley—oh blasted, Isolde and Helen, I keep forgetting—are with Mrs. Mary, and Chef Blackwood is baking a special dessert for George to take with him."

Without looking at her, Pip, his voice weak to his own ears, asked, "Are you leaving today?"

She nodded. "You will see us off, won't you?"

"Of course," he frowned, and began to shift. "I—I'm sorry, we can return downstairs right now—"

"We're not leaving for another few hours, Pip," she said, guiding him back down. "Stay here while you can. It's where you'd rather be."

Pip's shoulders sagged, and he pulled his knees closer to his chest, wondering if Oliver had heard that. If it meant anything to him anymore.

"I know it must hurt you," she said so softly that she may as well not have been speaking at all. "To feel so helpless."

"I've betrayed him," he said.

"No." She hooked her arm around his. "No, my friend, you have not. You only betray him by denying what you feel. Don't you see? Neither of you could've moved forward otherwise."

"And this?" he whispered. "This is moving forward?"

"To feel pain is only an acknowledgment of the love you once shared," she said. "You cannot run from pain. You can only face it."

Pip shook his head. "What if he hates me forever?" he said. He could not cry. He did not think there were any more tears to shed.

She kissed his cheek. "What if he doesn't?"

She rested her head on his shoulder as he put his own head back against the wall, his eyes on the door. When Sebastian came upstairs with a plate of food what felt like half an hour later, Alice stood.

"I'll see you downstairs, eh?" she said. "I won't leave without a hug from you."

"I wouldn't let you."

She smiled, and left. Sebastian knocked on Oliver's door and received no response.

"Leave it," said Pip. "He's not going to open."

"Again?" sighed Sebastian. "It's been three days, he has to eat sometime."

I suspect he does, thought Pip. When I'm not here so he could avoid seeing me.