A Funny Thing Happened in Spanish Class

Plan B

Arno van Keef had another plan drawn up to attract Savannah's attention by the end of the night: he knew the exact type of gel pens she wrote with (pink Gel-ocity pens made by Bic). Arno stopped by Staples that afternoon and bought a few. As they walked toward science class, Arno would drop a pen and 'return' it to Savannah, thereby striking up a conversation so he could lay on the charms.

Before that could happen, however, Arno had to get through Spanish class. Arno loathed Spanish. He struggled with his family's native Afrikaans (much to his father's continual dismay), and that language was English's closest relative; for him, Spanish an impenetrable wash of rolled R's, lisped C's, alien grammar and randomly gendered nouns. For Arno, Spanish class was a frustrating 50 minute wait for science with Savannah.

"Hello, class," said Mr. Huffington, the perpetually-bored substitute Spanish teacher the school had called in after Miss Torres was put on administrative leave. Judging from Mr. Huffington's bloodshot eyes, slow speech, poor word choice and tendency to grimace and lurch as he walked around the classroom, Arno suspected the substitute teacher regularly drank on the job.

"Everybody pair up," said Mr. Huffington. "We'll be practicing conservations—conversations—today. Find a partner so we can get started."

Arno glanced around the room. Another reason he loathed Spanish class was that he didn't have either Quantell or Traylor with him. Arno was about to ask Grady Pope to partner up with him, when someone spoke up to his right.

"Hi Arno!" said Beckie's voice. Arno turned and saw her sitting next to him and smiling. "Wanna pair up?" she asked.

Her again?, thought Arno. "Uh, sure," he said with a shrug.

Beckie opened up her notebook to the previous day's notes (which, though Arno didn't notice, she had written down twice). Arno took out his notes and the two turned their chairs to face each other and begin.

"Hola, Arno," said Beckie, commencing the conversation from the script.

"Hola, Beckie," said Arno, replying in turn.

"¿Cuánto cuestan los plátanos?" asked Beckie, meaning 'how much do the bananas cost?'

Arno gave it a moment's thought, then said, "Una cinco de mayo."

Beckie stared at Arno for a moment. "Bueno saber..." she muttered. "¿Cómo estás hoy?"

"Yo soy una mesa muchacho, estas jy?" said Arno, accidentally confusing his Afrikaans and his Spanish.

Beckie paused for a moment, cocking her head slightly in confusion. It was apparent to her that Arno was neither paying attention to her nor knew (or even possibly cared) what he himself was saying.

"Arno," she said, an idea forming in her head as she spoke, "¿Estás siquiera prestando atención?"

Arno waved dismissively. "Por favor ek verstaan jy!" he said, once again slipping into what could be called Afrispañol. "Tu estas un muy bueno piña."

Beckie grinned, suppressing a chuckle. Taking a breath to mentally prepare herself, so spoke. "Solo quería decirte que creo que eres lindo."

Arno paused, trying to take in Beckie's surprisingly long statement. "Uh... si," he said. "Y en el luna estas una gringo mujer."

Beckie closed her eyes and grinned. It would be a miracle if Arno somehow passed Spanish class. "¿Qué hace una lindura como tú en un salón de clases como este?" she asked.

Arno looked at Beckie for a moment, then shook his head. "I'll be totally honest, I have no idea what you're saying," he whispered to her. Beckie covered her mouth and chuckled.