A Funny Thing Happened in Spanish Class

Basketball Night

That night, Traylor picked up Arno and Quantell and brought them over to his house. It was a run down little shotgun shack on the bad end of town with dingy, faded white aluminum siding and whose screen door was falling apart.

The three friends sat down the slumping, slightly ragged, old brown couch in the living room. Arno opened the Taco Bell party box and Quantell cued up the Xbox. Just then, Tori McCreavy, Traylor's mother, came into the room, wearing nothing but a bikini bottom and a cut-off white t-shirt with 'Daddy's little whore' written on it.

"Traylor! Where'd you put my camera?!" she shrieked, spitting slightly through the cheap braces that held together her methamphetamine-corroded teeth. "I have to do an OnlyFans shoot!"

Traylor grimaced with embarrassment. "Did you check the bathroom?"

Tori's eyes burst open. "That's right!" she said. "I must'a left it there after my shower shoot the other day. Thanks, son!"

Traylor flopped down on the couch, face red with shame. Quantell put his hand on Traylor's shoulder. "Man, don't feel bad," he said reassuringly. "We already knew your mom was a ho."

Arno chuckled. Traylor sighed. "Is it bad that I'm less embarrassed when she sells crack behind the 7-Eleven on Cork Street?"

Arno stared, first at Traylor, then at the floor in thought. "The question there is basically... which is worse: degrading her body, or the bodies of whoever buys the crack?" he said.

Quantell shook his head. "Traylor's mom's gonna do whatever she feels like doing," he said. "Let's stop wasting time worrying about her and get this night started!"

As the three lads were getting their night started, Beckie and the other members of the girls basketball team were also starting theirs. As they got dressed in the locker room, Beckie smiled to herself. She couldn't wait to see Arno there in the crowd, cheering her on.

"Hey, your boyfriend's gonna be here, right?" asked Lisa.

Beckie blushed. "Arno's not my boyfriend—"

"Yet!" said Lisa with a grin.

"What did he think when you gave him that flower?" asked Marissa.

"He was surprised," said Beckie. "I knew he would be." The other girls chuckled.

"Sounds like he doesn't mind you wearing the pants," said Lola teasingly.

"That's what surprised me," said Beckie. "He really seems okay with me taking the lead!"

"You go, girl!" said Lisa.

"Well, are you okay with that?" asked Kelly.

Beckie paused, blushing slightly. She opened her mouth as if to respond, but was interrupted by the coach, Mrs. Gerrich, bursting into the locker room.

"It's game time, ladies!" she boomed. "Let's show those rich kids from Sandy Beach who's boss!"

The girls got up and ran out of the locker room and onto the court to begin the game. Beckie glanced at the audience, and saw her parents, Michael and Irene Applebaum, and her younger brother Emanuel, cheering for her, but she couldn't pick out Arno among the friends and loved ones in the crowd.

Meanwhile, across town, Arno, Traylor, and Quantell had just lit their first blunt and passed it among themselves. Each took a head, drawing in the skunky smoke, and Traylor even inhaled, holding it for a few seconds, before releasing it.

"Damn, dude, you inhale!?" said a stunned Quantell.

"You don't?" said Traylor.

Arno took another hit and thought of Beckie. He remembered her sweet, friendly smile, and the way she talked to and flirted with him. Arno couldn't help but smile, only for said smile to vanish as he remembered that he wasn't at her game like he promised.

It's for the best, Arno thought to himself sadly.

Lola scored yet another slam dunk, as she towered over all the other players on both teams. When the Finnegan audience cheered, Beckie turned and scoured the crowd for Arno, but couldn't find him. Where is he?, she wondered. She knew he was there, and at the end of the game, he'd run onto the court and she'd throw her arms around him and... Beckie imagined kissing Arno.

Beckie kept that thought in her mind and kept her spirits up as the game continued. In the end, the Finnegan Firecrackers defeated the Harding Hulls 18-0. Beckie's parents and younger brother ran to hug and congratulate her, but Arno never turned up.

As they left the gym, Beckie took out her phone. Hey, something happen?, she texted. I didn't see you at the game. Hope you're okay! :*

Beckie steeled herself. Maybe something came up, she thought, trying to comfort herself. I'm sure he'll text me explaining it—a family emergency! That's it. Maybe someone's in the hospital, or something like that...

Beckie climbed into the back of her father's dark blue Cadillac with her younger brother, while her mother rode shotgun and her father took the wheel. The Applebaums left, going to Hoboken's pizza, then home for the night.

Meanwhile, Arno was high as a kite. He felt his phone buzz and looked down at it.

"Oh God, guys, it's Beckie!" he said.

Traylor and Quantell stared first at Arno, then at his phone as they all read the text from Beckie. Arno frowned, his lip quivering slightly. "I stood her up!" he cried. "Why the fuck did I do that—"

"Because she wants to put you in a dress, dude!" said Quantell. "Remember that."

Arno paused. The Indica had slowed his thought process. "But... what if—"

"No," said Quantell, "don't tell me you wanna wear a damn dress—"

"What if she just wants to make him Scottish?" suggested Traylor. "Just like, show up in a kilt and play bagpipes for her."

Quantell glared at Traylor for a moment. "Well," he said, "it'd get her off his back, I'll give you that."

"Dude, Courtney like asked me to wear a kilt and play bagpipes for her once," said Traylor.

"You're shittin' me," said Quantell.

"I'm serious, bro," said Traylor. "We got stupid high once and she said she wanted me to be her Scottish knight and stuff."

Quantell shook his head. "White people," he muttered.

"Guys, what should I do?" said Arno, getting increasingly exasperated.

"Ignore her," said Quantell.

"But I don't wanna!" protested Arno.

"She's gonna put you in a dress," said Quantell.

"Think about it like this," said Traylor. "Arno, my dude, if you go for Beckie, she's gonna be the guy in the relationship. That means you'll be the girl. Are you sure you want that?"

Maybe I don't mind playing the girl if Beckie is the guy... Arno thought for a split second. Still, he didn't dare voice that out loud. He shook his head. "You're right," he said.

Arno put his phone down, and he, Traylor and Quantell continued their game well into the night. They smoked all the marijuana and played until they fell asleep, piled on top of each other like house cats dozing in the afternoon sun.