Tides of Time | a. arlert

Chapter 16; my everything

I do recommend re-reading the last chapter or even the entire thing since it's been so long... even I had to lol

Armin's POV: (hours before Armin got wasted and y/n found out about the job opportunity)

I'd spent pretty much the entire day with Eren. After I asked him if we could have a "guy's day," he'd taken work off. It gutted me even to utter those words, but speaking like a brainless idiot was the only way to reach certain people like Eren... and Jean. Normally, I'd spend the day by myself to collect my thoughts but my thoughts were consumed by y/n, but not necessarily in a good kind of way. They weren't negative either but I needed Eren's help to sort my life out which in turn is part of hers.

Eren was in the washroom while I sat at the bar, whisky in hand as I stared at the honey-like liquid dancing around the ice in my glass. It might have only been 3:00 pm but it was bound to be a long night. I caught Eren sitting down next to me in the corner of my eye, he was looking at me suspiciously all day but now he seemed really concerned.

"Are you going to tell me what this whole day is about?" Eren called the bartender to get himself a drink while I took a sip of mine.

"Can't it just be two friends having drinks at a bar at 3:00 pm?" I asked, sarcasm laced in my voice.

Eren chuckled as he grabbed his drink from the bartender. "For me maybe but for the always perfect Armin Arlert, no, it can't be. What's up?"

I almost spit out my drink from his words. "Perfect huh? I sure wish that was the case." Three years ago I would've relished in him calling me perfect but it just wasn't true anymore, I'd become tainted. "I came back here after all those years, stomped back into her life like it was my right and now I'm here looking at jobs that aren't even remotely close to Paradis. How perfect does that make me?" Eren's eyes softened when he saw how saddened my own were.

"Have you found a job yet?"

"No, but I have one that's pretty promising. It's an international dive research corporation. I'd be traveling across the world studying what I love most but I'd be away from who I love most. I looked in Paradis for jobs but there isn't anything here for me anymore." I took another sip of my drink, this time emptying the glass of everything in it. I called for a refill as I continued. "If I'm honest, after England, I didn't even plan to come back here. I knew Paradis had nothing for me... but she was here. I also knew that when I decided to come here, I couldn't have both her and my dream career." Eren looked disappointed in me and it was rightfully so. I acted selfishly and now I was potentially about to hurt the one I love and someone he also loves deeply.

"So what? You're just gonna leave? No fight, no nothing?" Eren sighed out a long breath as he shook his head in disbelief. "You are exactly like you were three years ago. You left for England without putting up any fight. I know you both came to a 'healthy' and 'mutual decision,'" he made air quotations with his fingers, "but where did it get you? Back in Paradis. You're both living this dream life that you could both have but for some reason, you believe you don't deserve it so you run."

Eren might be a real idiot most of the time but 5% of the time he actually speaks some sense. He was right. He was so completely right. It's not like I just planned on leaving in the middle of the night with no goodbye, I could never do that to y/n but I knew I had to take this job. I just wanted answers to how I could take the job and still be able to keep her in my life. She had a good job here in a career field she not only enjoyed but thrived in. She was good at her job. It would be wrong of me to even ask her to give it up to come travel with me. To give up everything she'd worked so hard for.

"What do I do then Eren? You know as well as I do that her life is here. Her career is here, her friends are here, her father and siblings are here, and her mother is just an hour away, how do I ask her to leave that all behind?" My head was now in my hands and three glasses sat empty next to me. I'm not even sure when I drank them but I was starting to feel the effects rush through my body like a raging plague. My veins were warm, my head was foggy and my heart was aching. It was the same feeling I had on the plane leaving for England... that ever so wonderful feeling of my heart breaking... shattering behind my ribcage. Tiny pieces spread and cut even deeper into my flesh, it almost felt like my body was dying from the inside out.