Resistance

eight

eila kahn

My hands were shaking the entire time Jovan held onto me. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest and my knees felt weak. No man had ever touched me like that and I didn't know I was longing for that type of touch. But I wanted it so bad and I wanted it only from Jovan. But I couldn't because despite knowing that the original agreement was off the table, I couldn't lose focus of things.

The goal has always been to figure out if there is anything outside the walls that my brother and I can go to. I need to stay focused on that goal and not fall into whatever lust filled emotions I was feeling for Jovan.

I refrained from going back into the city and he refrained from coming out of the city. I was aware that the only reason he ever even left it was for me, and that knowledge made my heart flutter the slightest bit. But not enough to make me change my decision about distancing myself from him.

"Noodles!" Theo cheered after I finished preparing our ramen. It wasn't my first choice for breakfast, but Theo insisted. "I can eat noodles everyday. Noodles and Jovan's cookies. I love them." Jovan bakes him cookies?

We sat down at the table and I ran my fingers through my hair that was freshly out of its braids. I bribed Theo into helping me, but having him help probably slowed me down if I'm being honest.

"Does he still come?" I asked, not sure what answer I wanted to hear. I knew Jovan was breaking into my apartment the moment Theo started finishing all his homework. Theo only enjoys doing it if someone is walking him through it. But I never argued with Jovan about it because deep down I was happy that my brother wouldn't be alone.

"Um..." Theo was conflicted on whether he was supposed to be honest with me. And by that, I knew Jovan still came and that didn't upset me. If anything, it made me happy that Jovan still wanted to spend time with my brother after our last encounter. When Jovan had left for two days, Theo was recognizably sad.

"It's fine," I twisted noodles onto my fork.

"Are you guys fighting? Why can't you be friends again?"

"Because we were never friends, Theo," I emphasized. He was blackmailing and that's the only reason we were talking. Now that he knows my brother, he can no longer blackmail me. We have no reason to be interacting.

"You like like him. That's why you're always grumpy," Theo teased and I rolled my eyes. I don't have time to like anyone. Not when I'm planning on leaving the dominion one way or another. Or maybe I was scared of what liking Jovan would mean. It would be a waste of time.

"You're getting delusional. Time for you to start your homework. Up," I cleared our bowls when we finished our food. I did the dishes while he changed out of his pyjamas before I brought out a work book that I wanted him to work on while I was gone. "I'm going to go hang out with friends right after school. I'll be home a little later," I told a partial truth. I was going to a meeting for the Resistance. They weren't necessarily friends of mine, but Theo didn't need to know that.

He sighed, hugging his stuffed spider-man. "Past curfew again?" He asked being shocked. My last meeting after school ran late.

"I'll be fine," I assured him. I was always careful. All of us are. But hopefully this meeting wouldn't run until after curfew.

"Because Jovan won't let anything happen to you. Like he saved you last time," Theo said and I looked away from him. He was referring to my panic attack that I really didn't want to think about. It was a vulnerable moment and Jovan isn't someone I would've wanted to share that moment with, but I was happy it was him
nonetheless.

Jovan and Theo's relationship was beginning to worry me. They were growing a friendship and I didn't want him to become reliant on someone. It had nothing to do with him growing a strong bond with someone that wasn't me. It had to do with me being worried that Theo would get hurt. How long did Jovan plan on staying around for?