The Traitor's Tears

VI

Dead crewmen lined the halls and Mac'hla kept their eyes up, unable to look at the bodies.

Their heart pounded in their side and they stumbled over something and fell to the floor.

She looked at what she had stumbled over with horror.

On the ground lay Cerese, a close friend of Mac'hla's.

They pressed their hand over their mouth and scrambled back, stifling a scream.

"Cerese?" she asked, not daring to speak above a whisper, "Cerese..?"

They slowly crept across the floor and shook Cerese's shoulder. They pressed their fingers to her wrist to check for a pulse. There was none.

"Please, wake up," she begged, "Cerese, please, just... open your eyes for me."

She laid still on the ground, eyes closed and blood pooling under her head.

"Cerese!" Mac'hla said, her voice thick with emotion, "Gods, no..."

Mac'hla pulled her head into her lap as tears spilled over her cheeks, "Please... please just... wake up..."

Sobs wracked Mac'hla's body as she sat, cradling her friend's head.

They stroked the Kelpien's cheek gently, "I am so sorry..."

Mac'hla knew they should keep going. They should get to the bridge and help, but at this moment they were so overwhelmed by emotion that they became useless.

Paralyzed by their own incapability of processing their feelings.

Everything seemed to be building up. The confusion from the black hole, the fear of fighting the klingons, and now the grief and guilt of seeing all of the dead crewmen.

"I cannot do this." Mac'hla whispered tearfully, "I cannot do this!"

Mac'hla knew that wallowing in her own pity was illogical, but there was nothing else she could do.

She remembered when some of the crew had to sleep in engineering due to a heating malfunction and Cerese had filmed her and Spock having an interesting sleep-interaction.

But that could never happen again.

They sobbed harder, half-wishing the klingons would hear and come slaughter them and put them out of their misery.

All of the emotions they had ever held seemed to come pouring out of them at once in this moment of weakness.

Mac'hla should have known this emotional break was coming. After the blackhole incident, they hadn't been the same. They felt as if they had lost all control of their life. This episode confirmed that.

"I am so sorry, Cerese..." Mac'hla whimpered, collapsing in on themself.

They gently laid her head down and leaned against the wall with their head in their hands.

They were hopeless... completely and utterly hopeless.