Don't Ignore Me

I Love You But You Don't (and I can hear my heart breaking)

"I love you."

Macaque can hear his heart breaking into pieces has he comes back to reality. Dread, shame, guilt, and disgust is what he felt has he realized his actions and he wanted nothing more than to turn back time and try to stop himself from making the biggest regret he would ever make. The voices in his head began to scream at him.

How could you do that?!

What the fuck is wrong with you?!

Were you so depraved and desperate that you would take advantage of him when he wasn't in his right mind?!

She forgave you, she extended her hand to you to rebuild your friendship and what did you do? You fucking molested him knowing he was under a spell!

He's going to be disgusted with you! He won't want anything to do with you and all of that effort into fixing your relationship will be gone in a blink of an eye when he goes back to hating you!

He'll never trust you ever again, she'll leave you again; all alone and abandoned by the sun to the coldness of the void once again, and you deserve it.

And what about the others? The others trusted you! They showed kindness and care towards you and this is how you repay them?! This is how you repay Mk?! He trusted you! He looked up to and believed in you and this is how you pay for his kindness?!

He'll never trust you again! He'll look at you with disdain and disappointment and so will the others. They'll leave you and you'll be all alone; forgotten and abandoned, and you only have yourself to blame.

You don't deserve happiness, you don't deserve kindness, love or compassion, you don't deserve anything good in your life because you are nothing but a selfish, despicable lowlife scum that causes pain, hurt and misery to the people you should've cared and loved above all else.

Wukong was right to kill you. You're a monster and you should've stayed dead.

The voices continued to spout venom and his heart was thundering against his ribcage, his breathing was erratic and uneven, and his ears were ringing has he covered his ears to try to shut out the voices. He can feel his head splitting and his chest burn has tears streamed down his face in big rivulets. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see, he feels numb has a familiar coldness seeps into his bones and his ears ringed loudly has the voices kept tormenting him. He jumped when he felt hands of his face. He was expecting a searing coldness accompanied by a cruel laugh but he felt nothing but warmth and comfort has those same hands wipe away the tears in his eyes. He couldn't look at him; he couldn't bring himself to look at him because if he did, he'll only see love and devotion has he smiles at him so lovingly and eyes still glowing that horrendous pink indicating everything that had happened was because of the spell, and that just brought a new wave of regret and shame crashing down on him.

How could he have done that to him? To the person that held his heart for centuries, the one-person despite of everything gave him a second chance? He felt disgusted with himself for acting in such a revolting way, for letting the beast take over, to act upon his selfish desires that left him feel sick and hollow. When he managed to calm down, he didn't have the energy to fight when he was pulled into a hug. He can hear Wukong's heartbeat; strong and steady, he can smell peaches and ambrosia and he can feel a gentle hand rubbing circles on his back and another, combing his hair. He let out a shaky sigh and closes his eyes has he melts into the embrace, the voices in his head became distant and the static in his ears lessen.