CHAPTER 8

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NEVER WORTH IT

"Time is never wasted when you try to find who you are with another human being. This is more of a stepping stone in our lives. If anything. we've learned from it." -Runaway Groomsmen


RAIDEN REGALIS

She was driving me mad. I didn't actually want to go get my keys but I knew that if I continued to deny her she would only continue to pester me. Sometimes, I spaced out when she was talking to me because it was so easy to get lost in her eyes. Then her demanding voice would bring me back.

If Aashni thought my house was a mess, she would have a fit if she saw the garage. I'm not even sure if the garage door still operates. Actually, I'm not sure if my car even works anymore. It was a harsh reminder that even though two years of my life had gone by, I wasn't really present for them.

I found the keys to my pickup truck on the hook next to the door. The door creaked as I lowered myself into the driver's seat and placed the key in the ignition. The old truck sputtered a bit but eventually began running.

Thank the goddess.

Surprisingly, the garage remote and the actual door itself operated just fine though the noise it made wasn't reassuring. Aashni appeared next to the passenger door after I backed the truck into my makeshift driveway.

"Man this thing is ancient," Aashni said as she lowered her body into the passenger seat. During the time I had taken to get the car out here and running, she had put on her clothes, her real clothes.

"Your clothes suit you," I said, my voice gruff. I didn't mean to voice my opinion but it slipped out before I could filter my thoughts. That seemed to happen a lot around Aashni.

She looked surprised at my comment.

"Thank you," she said, quickly, like she didn't want me to hear it.

The black cropped blouse hugged her torse and the jean shorts and strappy sandals completed the look. It looked professional and stylish at the same time. I bet if I looked at the tags they would all have the name of some designer brand etched onto them.

As I began our journey to the small town and the only town remotely close to my house, Aashni fiddled with the radio in my car. She was trying to get to some radio station but there was no signal out here. Instead, a low static filled the car.

When the radio failed her, she decided to go for the AC. Unfortunately, she was met with a cloud of dust when she turned the dial to get some cool air flowing. The AC was broken the last time I drove this truck but I decided to withhold that information. Aashni waited and waited for the air to turn cool but it stayed warm. I could feel her frustration but I was also pretty sure she'd snap at me if I said anything so I remained quiet.

Aashni turned the handle on the side of her door to roll down her window. It only cracked an inch before getting stuck. She stared at that inch with what I assumed was anger before shifting her glare to me.

"Your car sucks and the smell of spearmint is suffocating me," she grumbled, her arms crossed in front of her.

Her dislike for my scent was ridiculous. Granted I was masking my true scent, but what was so bad about spearmint? It's a pretty normal smell. It's not like I had the option to choose which scent would be my disguise. It just sort of happened.

"I'll be sure to have a Porsche for you next time, Princess," I said, teasing her.

I couldn't see but I was certain she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not some brat you know. I'm just not a fan of riding around in a vehicle that's two seconds from breaking down."

"So you're telling me daddy didn't get you everything you ever wanted? I bet you were one of those kids with ponies at their birthday parties."

Her expression faltered and she turned her body to look out the window. I guess her dad was a sore subject. She didn't speak to me for the rest of the ride, opting to watch as our surroundings went from deep forest to a slightly debilitating town.

I parked my car in front of a store called Furniture4Less. It was old school with yellow posters that read "CLEARANCE" in bright red letters. Aashni got out of the car the second I shifted the gear to park.

I trailed behind her, hunching down to fit through the small doorway of the store. Despite its rough exterior, the store had a variety of options and smelled like fresh leather. A little gleam was present in Aashni's eyes as she cataloged all the different couches and coffee tables. I liked seeing it there, it was much better than the bitterness that was there moments before.

"This one is perfect for you. It's small enough to fit in the space of your living room but it still has enough space for you to fall asleep on it while you're watching a movie or something."

"I don't watch movies."

"Of course, you don't, only kidnapping documentaries for you, Caveman," she grumbled before looking at some throw pillows.

My hands wandered over a wood-stained coffee table. It wasn't huge or anything but I appreciated the woodwork behind the piece. It was simple but beautiful at the same time. For the first time in a long time, I longed to actually obtain something.

"This one," I said, my eyes not straying from the table.

Somehow, Aashni knew that this wasn't a regular occurrence for me, that I hadn't bought something I had truly desired in decades. She didn't question me or berate me about my taste in furniture. She simply nodded and pointed to a coaster set that would pair nicely with the table. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I would never have four people in my home or that I would hardly be in my home long enough to use coasters. I found myself buying them instead of voicing the sad truth that Aashni had been the only person I had truly interacted with in years.

The people around you, Raiden, will only use you to get what they desire.

My mother's voice rang in my head. Even after all these years, the words of "advice" she had given me made an appearance in my memory. A dark smile crossed my face when I remembered that my mother had been right. I was used. I was still being used. I wanted to yell at her, and unleash all the thoughts that bounced around my brain daily.

How do I stop my heart from beating? How do I peel away the fingers that have trapped my organ in a state of despair? How do I unlove someone?

They were such pitiful thoughts, especially when I already knew the answer. If I had ever uttered those words to Queen Accalia Regalis she'd have looked me in the eye and told me I was a fool to fall in love in the first place. I used to think my mother was a pessimist. Her view on life was so bleak. She believed in duty, not love, never love.

Now I know she was right. She wasn't being pessimistic, she was just being real.

Love was never worth it.

Love was never worth it

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