A Beast With Beauty

Interlude: I'm Not Angry Anymore

Sky. The first thing I saw was the sky, along with the sun shining past a few leaves and branches and overgrown flowers.

I barley remember what the sky used to look like, but I prefer the way it looks now. Clear and shiny with lots of clean white clouds. Even the air is clean. And I don't know if others would agree with this, but even the sun seemed to shine brighter.

It's been a few years since humanity got erased, the other myths and legends haven't spoken to me since. But I've seen glimpses of them. It's understandable really, wishing for humanity to get wiped from the face of the earth till I die for my own selfish deeds. But I can't explain why to all of them. They probably wouldn't listen anyway. I know for sure that most of the fae folk and the trolls had taken some humans to raise as their own or just have for their own, and I took them away almost a decade ago.
But I know some of them are thankful. Humans were an awful species anyway. And not so long ago, someone even made me a dress. Don't know who or what it was that made me this, but it's the only thing I've been wearing. I'm not good with describing things but it's this silver mixed with gold chain with tiny little pearls coming out of it, but at the end it has these bony hands that hold a heart. An actual tiny beating heart that felt warm to the touch. I do appreciate the necklace. Sometimes I wonder if it was even meant for me, regarding that it fit perfectly.

I continued to stare up at the sky for a moment with probably a blank expression I don't know. After about a minute or two I felt something crawling along my right thigh. I looked down and saw that it was a little fuzzy jumping spider with black and white striped fur with teel fangs. I don't see jumping spiders often so I was surprised for a moment before sitting up, and looking down at it.

The spider stopped moving and honestly with its big eyes I wondered if it was even looking at me or not. In a way it felt like we had a starring contest, I lifted one of my legs and brought it close to the spider, seeing if it will let me hold it or not. The spider moved a little, and I think it felt my breathing quicken a bit cause it scurried away and jumped off to... Somewhere, I don't know what spiders do other than make webs and kill other insects.
I looked back up at the sky, there wasn't much to do anymore. You could do your own thing of entertainment and survival, or reflect over everything that happened. I'm sorta in the mix of both, mostly the survival part though. Sure I've known some survival tricks throughout my human life but that was when my mom couldn't watch me at some of the times she went to work so my Dad took me to work. But do to a head injury I got as a kid I don't remember Jackies shit about that kinda stuff. Nor things that I learned a week ago or got told a second ago.

I stood up from the overgrown floor, stumbling a bit before heading off to whatever direction I felt like going. Even after ten solid years I'm not used to this new body. If I lay or sit for too long, I forget how to stand. If I stand for too long I forget how to sit. Everything is always too loud or too quiet, and if I can't find food and starve myself for a long while I black out or something but feel bloated after. And I still haven't figured out how to fly yet. I mean I know how to flutter and slightly lift myself off the ground, and I've glided a few rare times but that was about it at the time.

Hold on I feel like I'm distracting myself now- what was I talking about? Was there something I was supposed to be talking about?? I don't remember anymore. Oh but the breeze feels nice right now! I wanna say something about the grass and the trees but I don't know what. Everything just feels nice right now. I walked some more. Then I walked a bit faster. I don't remember what I was doing or why I wanted to do it but I think I started dancing, it felt right to dance at the moment. I don't even know how long I was dancing for. But I remember how lovely the breeze felt as it danced with the swaying necklace. My arms going up in the air as I spilled and twirled like I was giving some unknown person a hug. Everything just felt nice, I had no idea what I was supposed to do or what I should be doing. There was no routine to follow, no need to leave the house for school or work, no alarm going off to remind you to take your meds, as the birds chirped and tweeted as they flew by everything just felt right.

Instead of it being a morning or an afternoon and an evening where you felt melancholy cause you remembered or had to go back to some place soon and be surrounded by other humans that you didn't know and didn't know you, where you had no idea if they were judging positively or badly or not, where you didn't have to step any game up for no one or work so hard to be around someone or to push someone away, there was just nothing. Nothing to think about or do cause it was okay, you didn't have to focus on anyone else or anything, not even yourself! Like you could finally just enjoy the moment you were living in or not and be happy you're just around in or outside your mind. It didn't matter, nothing mattered. Even if it made you happy or not it didn't matter, nothing did.

And for some people that would've been their nightmare or even your own nightmare, but for some reason it didn't matter. And it didn't even matter enough to figure out that reason. It all just felt right or not, but you were there. For some reason just being there, having nothing to care for or remember, just felt... Amazing. And even the word Amazing didn't matter cause I didn't even care how I felt, but not the way of abuse like on television or in real life. Not in a way to impress someone that didn't abuse you or even know you.

It was just that nothing mattered or cared. I had no idea how I was feeling and it didn't matter even if that would be someone's greatest fear or my own it just felt right. Even if it wasn't.

All I knew was that there was no subject, and nothing mattered. Not even yourself but in a good way. And I don't care if it doesn't make sense to you cause it doesn't even make sense to me, but it felt right.

Everything just felt right.

Time flew by, I don't know for how long and how for and why it even flew. But I was still happy, even after I tripped and fell into a whole. There was this crack that stretched through the floor and wall. A wall that wasn't even there. Like a glass frame that birds couldn't see. Like fish in the water. I don't know how I didn't see the giant crack but I fell in, and I could've sworn I saw some kind of black galaxy before my vision went black as I fell. I had no idea where I was going and if there was a bottom. Like the mulch at the other end of the slide, or maybe I'll just be in there till I swim my way back to the top as I gasp for air. Like at a pool or a beach. Like a log being thrown into a lake or river. Or maybe it was both, I went down the slide by accident and now I'm sinking somewhere or nowhere but I'll rise back to the top without moving.

Or maybe I'll have to move. Am I moving already though? I didn't know and couldn't tell. I couldn't even feel myself and didn't know if my eyes were closed or if everything was just dark. I didn't know if I was smiling or frowning or either. If I was breathing or holding my breath or had none in me. I didn't know and I didn't seem to care. I wasn't happy anymore and I wasn't scared. I wasn't melancholy or the opposite. I was just there like I knew something was about to happen yet I didn't. I couldn't even tell if I was falling or flying.
I was going somewhere, or maybe I wasn't. Maybe I was sitting or laying somewhere still. Thinking that I was going somewhere. And if I wasn't going somewhere where am I? Why was I there? I know I tripped and fell somewhere cause I didn't care enough to pay attention but in a good way. Was there even a good way? Or did I mean it to myself In a bad way? Did it even mean anything? Or was I just saying words and was waiting for someone's reaction to see how they felt so I could write it down in some book that it meant good or bad.

....

What was happening? Was I talking about something? Or nothing at all? I don't know but I don't seem to care. But why? Cause there is no why. It's just so.

So.

Sooooo....

So?

So!

...

Hehe.... So.