Well, fuck this. I don't even know who to trust anymore. My whole life was a lie and what did I do to change that? Nothing. All I can do now is face them, him. And there is this question, why? Why did he do that? I can't believe the only person I trusted with my whole soul and heart betrayed me like this. Seems like I didn't think good enough.
I remember when we were young. We were neighbors. No one could separate us, nor start a fight between us. We went on a ride around our street. We arrived at a certain special spot near the river. Sun was setting. The view was beautiful. We were happy. Just some kids living their broken childhood to the fullest. We had an ability to love, care, forgive and forget. When we got older, we couldn't do that. Times only got harder and worse.
I didn't deserve the burden of having to walk trough life feeling alone. I didn't deserve the nights I spent crying on my bedroom floor desperately trying to understand why I wasn't deserving the same kind of love. Because I watched the world around me find comfort in one another . I watched them receive the acceptance I didn't and sure, It was the words of others that broke my heart.
It hurts me to know that my love wasn't enough to make him grow into the kind and innocent person he was. It hurts me how I couldn't stop him in making bad decisions for himself and hurting others. It hurts knowing I wasn't there to make him believe there is always a better way. Maybe, in the end, It was my fault all over again.
The chaos that occured now is unstoppable. Can I forgive him? Yes. How the fuck can I do that? Because I'm blind. I love him too much to even realize what a mess and shit he made. I don't want to believe in any of this. It's all so wrong. It's the end I suppose.
But then again, am I ready to give up just yet?
No, I am not. But I am not ready to face them either.
A hero is what I was supposed to be, but a monster is what they made of me.
I tried to do all my best for them, but they turned their back on me when I needed them the most.
How did all this fall so low? It was all fine just a few months ago. I guess It's climate change.
Well, after all, It's time to wipe off my tears and try to do something more productive. Shit, I hate these depressive episodes so much.
I got tired of just laying in my bed drinking whiskey and getting drunk every time I felt fucked up. It's time for a change. The big one. One that everyone was waiting for. Let's get rid of feelings. After all, they are just an illusion. Heartless motherfucker is getting ready. You want that?
Hell yeah, a long ride is here.
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I picked my phone out of my pocket. There is only one person I can call right now.
*beep* *beep* *beep*
"Yes?"
"Kokonoi, It's been a long time since we last talked"
"Couldn't agree more on that boss. So, what did I do for you to call me?"
"Nothing literally nothing. Which is good and bad at the same time. But we will change that today. What do you have in schedule for the rest of the day?"
"Nothing much, just have to check on the cassino at eleventh street."
"Great, I will pick you up at 4. Be ready by then and wait in front of the main entrance."
"Wait, boss, aren't you injured?"
"You still think about that? I thought you got used to me escaping hospitals and getting on my feet right away."
"I did, but you were shot, like a lot."
" It's business and revenge that keep me going. Money and love baby. I will hang up now, get ready."
"Alright, be-"
Yea I needed to hang up. This boy talks and cares a lot. That won't be good for him in the future.
I opened my wardrobe and oh god I haven't cleaned this place for a long time. Thank god I keep my motorcycle equipment In the other one. Didn't have in mind to wear it today but I can't deal with that mess right now. I feel so old by just looking at this stuff. It's at least 6 years old. It didn't take a lot of time to put it on. Wait, where is my helmet. Shit, did I leave it somewhere downstairs?
*buzz* *buzz* *buzz*
Who the hell is calling me now.
"What now?"
"I think I have your helmet"
"The fuck. Are you watching me from somewhere?"
"No? I was getting ready and saw it. I suppose you will drive motorcycle today so I wanted to tell you."
"A, how did it even end up there?"
"Maybe you left it few nights back. Anyway don't ask anything about that. We will talk later. Bye."
This guy is weird as hell.
I got the keys and went straight to garage. I didn't ride this big boy in a long time.
Streets are kind of empty. It feels good. The air, sun and adrenalin are perfect match. I will arrive there in around 15 minutes.
15 minutes
I can see him from here. He looks scared and concerned. He saw me.
"Why do you look so-"
"I'm sorry, but I need to run and you are coming with me"
"Wait what's wrong?"
"Someone is here"
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I decided to post this chapter today since I'm really sorry for being inactive last year. I have a HUGE writing block so anything I write doesn't make sense. I just want to make the best out of the chapters for you so sometimes I spend hours changing it. Hope you like this one. Thank you everyone for sticking with me untill now. I can't express how much I love you all. Thank you.
