Don't Talk! (Freddie Mercury / Queen)

35. I Read the Reviews Today... Oh Boy.

H.G
New York
April 6th

"Hayes, my dear boy," An offensively posh Belgravian accent startled me awake, "What's all this?"

Sigh.

Just what I bloody need right now. Someone peppy. "How did you get in here Jules?" I croaked groggily.

My own low voice was several decimals too much for me to bear as I lifted a pillow up to smother my head. My senses were much to sensitive right now and I just needed to hibernate for the foreseeable future. Perhaps indefinitely. Julian Wright was not the type to let that happen.

"Now, now Hayes." Jules murmured and dragged himself up towards me. His shoulder rested against mine as we sat propped up against the headboard. "That's no way to speak to me."

"Make yourself comfortable." I sniped.

"Thank you Griff, I will."

Julian kicked off his faux leather shoes. I stared at them in horror, but couldn't say a word because I would receive a large animal conservation rant from the environmental lawyer if I told him how ugly they were.

"Again, what are you doing here?" I murmured, and reached for a carton of cigarettes.

I attempted to shake off the nostalgia of Julian and I sat out on the bed like this. It used to happen all the time in university, as we chattered into the night, sometimes falling asleep together. Before any of you think of making a quip about the closet being made of glass, bloody save it. I know.

"Why is my new doorman so bloody awful?"

"I said I was your brother and that there was an emergency."

I let my lips twitch into a grin, "You must must have been extremely flattered that he believed there was any resemblance between us."

"Insulted actually you little twat." Julian ruffled my hair roughly.

Before I could say anything else, Jules grew serious. "I ran into Georgie at a cricket match a few days ago, he says you haven't been answering his phone calls." Ah. "He was one more day of silence away from phoning the police."

"Well I'm fine." I pushed my overgrown hair out of my face, "As you can see."

Julian cut me a look as if to sarcastically agree, because I looked terrible. Just imagine all those typical cliches of what someone looks like when they've been through a rough time because I can not be bothered feeding your imagination. I took a deep inhale of my cigarette and stared down at Julian's polka dot socks. He quickly explained how he was in New York due to some pollution scandal, thousands of fish killed, contaminated water, that sort of thing. I wasn't in the frame of mind to focus on the details.

"Why aren't you talking to your brother?"

"Why does it matter?" I tried not to appear defensive but I probably failed, "He knows I'm alive, if he says any different he's being dramatic."

No, I was in no rush to tell George what happened with Freddie after he had been so supportive of us. That was an issue for another day.

"Even I haven't heard from you in almost a month..." Julian trailed off and switched topic at a jarringly fast pace, "I'm assuming you and Freddie broke up. Or are you're just keeping things very casual because I haven't heard anything about you two in a while."

I seemed to freeze over at the mention of Freddie's name. The barrier I hastily threw up the second I walked away from him that night held strong. I threw my absolutely shattered heart into a cage, buried it in some dark forgotten abyss in the corner of my mind, built a fucking barbed wire fence around the entrance, and then left it to atrophy. I was not dealing with it, and perhaps I never will.