Dear, Diary | Xavier Thorpe Love Story

To Be Young Again - Chapter 1

- First Person POV - Lilith Age; 11 - 

{WARNING! Anxiety attack ahead}

It was December 15th the day of my presentation. I stared out the window and watched the snow hit the ground, I felt like I was in a snow globe and a toddler had been none stop shaking it as it starred into my soul. I felt like everyone was watching me and waiting for my failure, or snickering at me for how stupid I looked. There was 30 minutes till my turn to present and I could feel my head start to spin with overwhelming thoughts, my stomach drop and my heart beat start to quicken. I felt my hands they were cold and clammy but also drenched in sweat, I could feel tears starting to prick my eyes and my breath being taken away from me. Without thinking I rushed to the bathroom.

When I got to the school washrooms I instantly rushed into the biggest stall and sat down on the floor. My whole body was shaking as hot tears stained my face, I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself down but I couldn't. It felt as if there was no air in the world. I wrapped my arms around myself trying to find comfort myself as I tried to stay conscious. 

I heard the bathroom door open and a knock on my stall.

"Lilith? Honey is everything ok?" It was my teacher Mrs. Stewart. She was a sweet lady who cared deeply for her students. This wasn't the first time this happened to me but I usually was able to ask to go to the bathroom before. 

I didn't answer I just unlocked the stall and let her in.

"Oh you poor thing." She handed me the bottle of water that was in her hand after opening it for me. I slowly took sips off the water trying to calm myself down and after awhile I stopped crying, as some type of weight lifted off my chest I started to breath again. I was still shaking uncontrollably but not as much as before. 

My teacher left to call my parents and before I knew it my mother came and took me out of the bathroom and brought me home. She asked me questions which I answered truthfully, and before I knew I went to my family doctor and I got a therapist. 

I was diagnosed with social anxiety after 5 sessions. I was then given medication after 2 months and the diary after 5. 

My parents started to treat me differently after that, it made me feel like a disease. They always spoke softly when talking to me and started to isolate me from others. I think I've gotten better since then I've had less panic attacks and if I do I can slow it down. I've been trying to focus on my spell casting, potion making and my diary they've always calmed me and stopped the never ending thoughts.

- Time Skip To The Present -

Dear Diary, 

Today is the day the new student, Wednesday Addams joins Nevermore. I keep hearing rumours about her: like how she murdered a kid and ate him, I don't believe them though.

I doubt today will be eventful for me, I feel it will be the same old everyday stuff. 

I don't have much to write to you right now, since my day has just started but I will write to you later, goodbye for now. 

-Lilith

I closed my diary and put it back in my nightstand drawer. I looked over to my roommate side of the dorm to see she was gone. I assumed she just went for her morning run like she always did. Aria was an early bird while I was a night owl, but it worked. 

I got off my bed and walked over to my wardrobe, taking out my feminine school uniform. The blazer, tie and long skirt was stripped with a purple-blue hue and black, the sweater vest was black and paired with a long sleeve, white button-up shirt. I put on my uniform with a pair of white converse that are now an off white from being warn out, they were also covered with doodles from me and Bianca.