"Mom, get Pugsley to stop eating Grandmama." Wednesday sighed, leaning on the window of the hearse as it drove on the disgusting country roads of Georgia. She was rather displeased by the roughhousing in the seat next to her, but was even more repulsed by the farmland outside her window.
Morticia turned to look in the back seat, witnessing her son biting the arm of what she assumed was Gomez's mother. Or was Grandmama her mother? Morticia couldn't remember, not that it was relevant anyway. "Pugsley, dear, stop biting Grandmama's arm. We can play later." Pugsley bit down harder as a response, causing loud old woman shrieks to deafen everyone in the vehicle.
"Get away from me you shit!" Grandmama bit Pugsley's arm back, causing him to let go and yell. "What gives?" He asked, trying to pry his arm out of Grandmama's mouth to no avail. "Let me go! I don't wanna get your stupid diseases."
"See, Grandma? At least someone else thinks your diseases are stupid." Uncle Fester cackled in the back of the car, amidst the Addams' luggage. The old hag was about to attack Fester too, when Gomez luckily intervened.
"Alright, what's the problem back there?" He called. Grandmama spit out Pugsley's arm and pointed at him. "I was minding my own business, when this good-for-nothing CREATURE attacked me." She paused, adding dramatic effect, "I, am a victim." Wednesday snorted.
Pugsley crossed his arms and pouted. "I was just hungry, geez! It's not my fault we've been trapped in here for like four hours now with nothing to eat!"
"Four hours and twenty minutes." Wednesday corrected him. He stuck his tongue at her.
Gomez thought for a moment on how to fix the situation. However, he didn't like what his options were. "Well, I was hoping it wouldn't have to come to this..." He mumbled. Morticia noticed his concern. "What is it, dear?" She asked, taking his hand.
"Well," he rubbed the back of his neck, "we COULD eat at one of those 'fast-food' establishments..." Everyone in the car gasped. Lurch almost swerved the hearse off the side of the road, Thing's box fell on the floor, a disgruntled hand falling out of it, and Morticia grew distressed. "But, mon cher! Are you sure that it's really necessary?"
He kissed Morticia's hand upon hearing her speak French. "If we want everyone to make it out of this trip with all of their limbs intact, it is," he spoke in between kisses.
"I don't know," Fester intervened, "I don't think it's really all that urgent to call for a fast-food visit, of all things! We need to think rationally here."
"No," Wednesday interjected, "it's definitely needed." She gestured to her brother, who was about to take a bite out of Grandmama again. Only, something caught Pugsley's interest more than the old woman's arm: a blue sign on the side of the road that had images of nearby restaurants. However, only one restaurant was listed: a Chick-Fil-A that was half a mile away.
"Hey, look!" He pointed to the sign as they drove by, "It said there's a 'Chick Fill Ay' just up the road. That's one of those fast-food places, right?"
"I believe it is." Gomez confirmed, mostly certain.
"So let's go there then." There was an awkward contrast of hesitancy and agreement among the family. Half of them seemed willing, while the other half of them didn't. Lurch groaned anxiously, finally giving his piece on the matter and adding himself to the list of distressed family members. Thing stayed out of the matter, mindlessly tapping the brim of his box, only fueling Wednesday's irritation.
The others remained silent until Fester spoke up, "Why don't we just wait until we can find a place that doesn't cause mass fear among us?" he proposed, "Like a local butcher shop or something. That way everyone would be happy."
YOU ARE READING
Addams Family Adventures
HumorA collection of unrelated events that occur during the everyday lives of the Addams family. Very normal circumstances, obviously.
