Songs of the heart

Damn you're such a...

Song: Damn you're such a by Hailey Steinfeld

You and Wednesday have been dating for a while. You almost die at the Gates' mansion and Wednesday was being selfish. You had a fight, but she now wants things to go back to the way it was without apologizing.

There is a knock on your dorm room. You roll your eyes because you know it's Wednesday. She has a specific way of knocking, and after dating for as long as you were you could recognize it anywhere. You make your way to the door and open it. As you suspected, Wednesday was standing there. Her face had no emotion and you roll your eyes at her.

"What do you want?" you ask her, trying to stay as calm as possible. She makes her way past you into your room and doesn't even turn back to you before she says.

"I want us to continue dating." She says. Her eyes remain unblinking and void of any emotion.

"For that to happen Wednesday, you need to change, and really mean it. We've been through so much and you don't even care about what happened that night. I could've died and you don't even care!" I tell her, my voice starting to get higher. She does this to me. She infuriates me so much.

"That night gave me valuable information of who the murderer is and now I'm one step closer to..." She starts off her little rant, but I stop her quickly.

"Yeah I know, and that's all you care about! The stupid investigation! You keep saying that you want me back, and you can try and sweet talk me, but I'm not buying it. You had your chance, and you blew it. The more you talk about this obsession of yours, the more you prove to me that you'll never change!" I yell in her face. I can see the shock in her eyes. Before she can get another word in, I continue with my rant.

"Did you really think I would just let you crawl back in, without apologizing or anything?!" I yell, finally taking a breath. She doesn't look and me, and I can see she's thinking. I move past her and pick up a cigarette, standing by the window to smoke it. After our fight and breakup, I've been so stressed that I started smoking to help me relax.

'I see you're smoking now." Is all she says? I groan, is that really all she has to say to me? Seriously?

"Are you joking? I can't even with you. Yeah, I am, because of you!" I turn my back on her, and try and breathe in the fresh air. She drives me crazy, but she had this effect on me and I wish she didn't. I hear her shuffling behind me, before coming to stand next to me. She tries to take my hand in hers, but I pull away.

"No Wednesday. As I said, you had your chance, but you blew it okay. Even after everything we've been through, I can't just let it go. I'm better off without you. You only care about yourself. You don't care about what happens to anyone else." I don't even look her in the eye. I can't, because I know I will probably break down.

"You're right. I only cared about myself, but you changed that. You made me care. As much as I hate to admit it, you changed me." Wednesday tries to explain to me. I don't even look at her, so she sighs and leaves my dorm. I wish I could believe her.

The next day

In the quad

I'm on my way to botany class from lunch. I really just want this day to end, all my friends look at me with these sad eyes, and I thought that it was just because of the break-up, but that was until I saw them.

Wednesday is sitting with Enid and Yoko at a table. Enid is holding Wednesday's hand. I had to wait over a month of us dating to hold her hand, and now she lets Enid do it. Damn, I didn't think she would move on that quickly. I can feel the tears forming in my eyes, but I can't look away from them.

Enid and I lock eyes, and she quickly lets go of Wednesday's hand. Wends looked at her confused, before following her gaze and seeing me. I wipe my eyes and keep my face neutral as I turn and leave for class. I can hear Wends call for me, but I quickly take a turn and she runs past me. I hate what she does to me, but I guess that's life.

I barely pay attention in botany class. I have so many emotions swirling around in my mind and it's giving me a headache. I'm sad that Wednesday moved on so quickly, I'm mad at Enid for taking my girl (even tho we are technically broken up), I'm also mad at myself for letting Wednesday go, but I'm also mad at her for almost killing me for this stupid investigation. I need to clean my head.

Once class ends, I rush out and run to my dorm. Locking my door, I throw my bag on the floor and change my clothes. I need to get off campus, but I'm not allowed with that stupid monster running around. Grabbing my pillow I scream into it and then throw it to the wall. I hate this. I hate that she has this effect on me. I hate that I hate her but love her at the same time.

I huff and decide to walk around campus. I grab my headphones before leaving my room. Playing my music as loud as possible to drown out everyone, I make my way through the halls. Everyone is avoiding me because I'm sure I look like I'd murder anyone that comes close. Without realizing it, I make my way into the greenhouse.

Now I'm sitting on the floor, just me, my music, and the carnivorous plant. Maybe it'll eat me and I won't have to deal with any of this anymore. It'll all just be over. No more anger, or sadness. I'll be free.

Just then I smell her. She smells like pine and ink. I've always loved the way she smells, it use to calm me down. I take off my headphones, but I don't open my eyes.

"What do you want now? Can't you just leave me alone?" I ask her, knowing she can hear me. She shuffles closer and comes to sit down on the floor about 6 feet away.

"I want to talk to you." She says it's almost a whisper, but my wolf hearing picks it up.

"I don't care. Take all your lies to your next girlfriend, you looked so cozy earlier. I don't want to hear anything from you. Even if you're the last person on earth, I. don't. want. to. hear. it." Can this plant just eat me already?

"You're being so difficult." She says. Is she serious?

"Me? I'm difficult?! Wednesday, are you kidding me? You nearly get me killed. Don't apologize, but expect me to forgive you, and the next day you're sitting holding your roommate's hand like we never happened." I finally look at her, my eyes filled with tears. Her usual stoic face was covered in a frown. She looks down and fiddles with her hands.

"Look. You have every right to be mad at me. What I did was... wrong. I was so focused on the investigation that I didn't even think about you and how it's affecting you and our relationship." I know she's trying, but she isn't apologizing and that's all I want. I want to hear those 3 words, but I know I never will.

"Look Wednesday, I don't care anymore. I just want to be alone. I love you, but you're... damn you're such a ... difficult little devil. And I can't do this anymore. Do what you need to do. And when you are done with this investigation of yours, and it doesn't kill you, maybe we can talk about this. Don't do the same thing to Enid that you did to me. Goodbye Wednesday." I say and walk out.

I make my way back to my room, and flop down on my bed. Looking out my window, I can see the spider web window split in two. They've always been perfect for each other. I can never compete with that.

The next day I'm in Weems' office having her sign my transfer papers. And a few hours later, I'm packing my bags into the back of the car. When the car drives off, I can see Wednesday running out of the school, we lock eyes, and I see a single tear run down her cheek.

This is for the best.