Obstinate Elitists

27

A week was left. Nerves running high, it took your every will to keep yourself from feeling burnt out. Well, you were, but you had to pretend it away... at least until this was all over. It went from training to singing to training again. Since tutor sessions with Ginjirou only occurred once a week, you had to be creative with makeshift items to train yourself. On the other hand, you would sing raw in the showers until your throat hurt. The cycle was never-ending, but it just wasn't enough. It was never enough.

It was after school and you were in your bedroom. Glancing at the stuffed pillow that was deemed a punching bag, you gave it a jab. Droplets of sweat ran down the side of your face, your arms, your back, your legs -- everywhere. Soaked wet and chest heaving in exhaustion, you suddenly dropped to the floor.

Frustrated tears slid out from the corners and you angrily punched at the ground. Knuckles lamely hit the surface with a muffled thump. Sure, you were improving at a decent rate, but it was also obvious you were not going to succeed. For both cases, actually. The disappointed faces could already be imagined, from your mother, from Sakiko, from yourself. A type of disappointment that would twist a face's features with a scowl and rip a heart out with the looks given. They scared you more than anything. Letting people down was a nightmare waiting to happen and it didn't matter if these were people from another world; this universal feeling would never leave you.

Nails dug into the crevice of your legs, deep enough to cause some pain. Pulling your legs to your chest, you buried your face into them and released the rest of the waterworks. Shoulders shook and the crying wouldn't stop once it started.

You tried to tell yourself to pull your shit together, but it was as if your body had a mind of its own. The past, few, restless weeks of stress had finally caught up to you and now you had no idea what to do.

You didn't like being scared of the future.

As the type of person who used to have their entirely life together, this left you in a rut. You didn't know failure. You didn't know consequences. You didn't know how to trudge through a life that kept throwing obstacles at you. Because of that, you were at the lowest of your lows. How could you pick the pieces up after it had all been shattered? How could you possibly look in the eyes of those who saw the mistakes which ruined everything?

The door creaked open and in entered a woman -- your mother. Eyes rounding in horror, you realized you forgot to lock the door to the room. Rushing to start training as soon as possible after school, the last thing on your mind was to lock it. Dammit.

She blinked at you. You blinked at her back, squinting through your blurred vision.

[e/c] hues took the scene in, her neutral expression fading into one of worry. She quickly went over to your hunched body, her forehead furrowed. Your hands instinctively went up to your face to wipe the tears away. However, you knew there was no use, for she had already seen everything. God, this was so fucking humiliating. Even in your original life your parents had never caught you in such a state, as far as you could remember.

Gingerly making her way to you, she lowered herself, fingers lingering in the air. They were unsure of what to do, faltering and hesitant. You turned away from her, allowing a curtain of [h/c] hair cover your features. "My dear, what is wrong?" she asked you softly, voice as low as a whisper.

How were you supposed to explain this? How could ever explain to her that you were not the [Y/N] she had known her entire life? Or that you would not be able to meet her expectations?

You couldn't. So you stayed silent.

Arms wrapped around your body and her warmth could be felt from here. The woman known as your mother closed her eyes shut, rubbing your back in comfort. She felt familiar, but at the same time not. None of this was deserved. You didn't deserve this love, but that didn't stop you from hugging her back, smothering your wet face into her shoulder. The tears flowed even quicker, for your heart squeezed in pain and regret. It was silent, saved for the sobs that wrecked through the room.