The Illusion Of Dellusion

Chapter 2

“I will not tolerate him being treated like some criminal suspect! He hasn’t done it. He’s innocent.” I told the police officers.
“Why are you so determined to have him seen as innocent?” One said,
“That’s quite suspicious, young lady” an older one added and I shook my head.
“You do not seem to understand, Sir, that this ‘mad man’ as you call him is a case like none other.” They looked at me as if I should be in one of those white rooms.
“Listen” I said carefully and they nodded.
“He had so much trauma that he can’t even lie and his brain is incapable of imagining things. So yes he knows what happened. It means therefore that by one way or another he saw the murder happen right before his eyes.” they frowned.
“Instead of treating him like a suspect, I suggest you let me handle it and try to find information of who was around his room.” i finished. I let out a small sigh as I headed off. 

I had no more work, no patient who needed further treatment except James. I smiled slightly while grabbing a notebook and a pen before heading to his chambers. For the past year, James had been under my observation. I knew more about him then he does. I’m sure. I knocked on the door softly. Four gentle knocks, he hated the number three and loud noise was a trigger to him. I heard him shriek. I opened the door quickly only to find him in a straitjacket pacing back and forth.

“Hi James” I greeted. His head snapped towards me at a weird angle to look at me.
“Hello doctor,” he said. I sighed, sometimes I really wished he knew how hard he was making all of this for me. If I had to treat him like a child to get the information out of him, no doubt I would do it. He struggled against the jacket.
“Please take it off” he whined, dragging out the last word more than he should have. I sighed.
“James you know I can’t, you’ve been getting worse these last few months.” He rolled his eyes. A sign that he is a little more stable and comfortable. It happens sometimes, he acts more human.
“Annie, come on, I won’t hurt you,” he said. A single tear dropped from his left eye and rolled gently down his cheek before crashing down on the floor. “Since when are we on a first name basis?” I asked him with a smile hoping to change the subject.
“Since like a year” he said with a giggle. I always forget how good it is to hear him laugh, something that happens when his mind stops tormenting him. “But why do I have this on?” he asked again, pointing at the jacket with his head as he struggled to sit down. I rushed to help him before sitting on a chair as well. Opening my notebook I scribbled some notes and answered him.
“It’s not for me, or for the orderly’s, it’s only to make sure that you don’t hurt yourself again.” I gave him a small smile before starting with today's basis. Trigger words.
“So James, how are you feeling tonight?” He frowned then looked at the clock. A shiver ran down his spine when his eyes met the number three. I noted it. His eyes closed tightly then opened wide, as if he was struggling against his own mind. Noted. He sighed.

“It’s already 6 PM.” I nodded. “I’m confused, my mind is… how do you smart people say… Ah! Hazy. I’m hungry too. I crave good foods, like croissants or I don’t know. I feel as if I’m myself now, but soon I won’t be. Since I got here it’s like someone else does most of the work for me you know.” he talked slowly, articulating each word with precision as if he was scared of messing up. I noted the confusion and haziness, the hungriness, I know the croissants are a nostalgic feeling to him. He associates ‘good foods’ with ‘liberty’ or ‘getting out of here’.
“What do you mean by ‘someone else does most of the work for me’ ?” I asked, quite confused myself.
“It feels like someone is controlling me, body and mind, emotions, everything. But sometimes it’s like they don’t. I’m like a puppet on strings, but the master gets bored when he doesn’t need me.” He explained. I noted it down. It’s been at least 7 months since I had such an intense conversation with him. My shift already ended an hour ago, I didn’t care enough to stop, we were making progress.
“Does that ‘master’ talk to you?” He stayed silent for a while.
“Maybe, I don’t think I can remember.”  He said slowly.
“It’s ok, it’s ok” I said. “How about the word three?” I said in a quiet voice. He tilted his head to one side and his neck popped a little.
“What does it do to you, to see or hear it?” I asked again.
“I DON’T like IT” he said emphasizing some words. I noted it.
“What does it make your brain feel like?” I tried again more precisely.
“It’s like ACID pouring down into IT. It hurts, hurts, HURTS so MUCH.” He said. I noted next to the word three, trigger to the mind. 

8 PM. The clock in my office read. I sighed. I dropped my things, took my coat and my bag and headed back home. The cold weather was eating at my skin, but I enjoyed the feeling of the fresh air going in and out of my lungs. The sky was dark and the snow piled up at the front of my shoes. I grabbed my keys and unlocked the door to my apartment. The lingering smell of ground beef and tomato sauce hit my nose.
“You’re late.” I shrieked at the voice turning to look at my boyfriend, Thomas.
“Again” he added. I took off my coat and sighed.
“It’s been a long day, a patient is trying to convince officers that he is the murderer” I explained as he came up to me to give me a hug.
“Which one?” he asked.
“I can’t say” I said “Work confidentiality you know that Thom.”
“yeah…" an uncomfortable silence was floating in the air.
“Do you think he did it?” he asked after a while.” I sighed.
“I don’t know. It’s impossible for me to think he could have done it. He can’t hurt a fly. But at the same time, he knows exactly what happened and it respects the story line.”
“Don’t you have cameras?” he asked
“yeah why?” I sighed
“Check if anyone entered or went out of the room” he said as if it was an obvious thing.
“Tomorrow" I muttered before getting out of his grasp and making myself a plate of food. 

Time had passed and Thomas was sleeping soundly next to me. I checked the time, 3:25 AM, I didn’t feel tired, actually I couldn’t sleep, I felt restless, my mind was working overtime and my body followed the instructions. I looked at Thomas once more before quietly getting out of bed and preparing an outfit for  my upcoming day. I smiled at the simple attire, a pair of black trousers, a white button up. I sighed and got out of our room and to the living room. I looked at the time at 4 AM, I sat by the window bay and looked outside, we lived in a beautiful area. The window had a view of a forest and a small river. I got lost in my thoughts for a while and before I knew it, half an hour had already passed. I got up and went into the kitchen to make some coffee. About ten minutes later it was done and I was about to pour myself a cup, when I heard a noise behind me. I froze in place. Slowly reaching next to me for anything to defend myself with when I heard a chuckle. 

“Relax honey. It’s just me.” Thomas said, breaking the silence as he hugged me from behind. 
“God damn, you scared the shit out of me.” I said and started laughing. He soon joined in laughing with me. 
“Couldn’t sleep?” 
“No, I’m restless, this whole situation is making me doubt everything I thought I knew. Do you actually think James could have done it?”
“He’s in a psychiatric hospital for a reason, don’t underestimate what he can do.”

I sighed loudly at his comment and drank my coffee. By 6 AM I was ready to go and I headed out in the crisp fresh air of the morning. I thought of all the progress I had made with James over the last year and all the downs he had. Sometimes I really felt like something was forcing him.