The 27th Element: Project 863

The Lead-Up

I entered the room, Nelson was sitting behind his desk. I closed the door behind me.

"You wanted to see me, sir?"I was used to being polite.

He laughed,"'Sir.' Always so formal. But yes, I did. We have crossed a line in the serum's research and testing. It's stable if given the right dose, correct?"

"Yes, sir." I wanted to know desperately where this was going.

"Well," he paused, as if unsure how to phrase his next words."I want you to be the next test subject. The results have been looking good and I would not want an employee with your talent to miss out on this chance of success."

I should have seen it. It was obvious. I was drawn in by his silly flattery. Even through that I knew the risk. If I'd done this to others, why shouldn't I have to experience it as well? He took my silence as being hesitant.

"If you feel you are not up to the task-"

"No," I assured him,"I will be pleased to do this."

I asked a few questions on where and when this test would be taking place.

January 5th, 2002, Location #17, 9:00 AM. I agreed to this. I don't know why. I suppose I was desperate to please him. He thought I was special, and those flimsy words dug into my heart. 

I felt I was making a mistake. Sure, the serum wouldn't kill you, if there was the right amount of it, but it still didn't feel great. But even the pain was starting to get stabilized. 'An employee with your talent.' His words rung in my ears. 

It will be fine. I repeated it until I started to believe it. Even if I start having second thoughts, it's not like I can take it back.

I left the room with a sinking feeling and a file listing the same things I had read to patients a hundred times over. I had nothing else to do than wait the days out.

It was January 2nd when I reached my office and found a message from Wesley.

Wes015- I know that you've been preparing yourself, but I still strongly advise against any testing of the pegasus serum on yourself. It's far too early to begin human trials.

'Far too early?' We've been doing this for almost a year.

b27- Considering I've gone over the readings numerous times, I don't see it being an issue.

It's not an issue. And you choose to do this three days before this is all happening? If you're going to 'warn' me, do it at least a week before. The reason Wesley only got to it then was because apparently, he had not been aware of the trials even happening. He did not approve. Deborah had yelled at me herself for the trials being 'inhumane.'

Wes015- There's only so many things that can be accounted for, especially with a serum as volatile as this one.

b27- I trust my work. Nelson needs this done quickly, we're already behind schedule.

Well that isn't the only reason I'm doing this, but it's definitely true.

Wes015- Speed is important, yes, but not at the cost of someone's safety.

I couldn't help but snicker. 

b27- I'd like to keep this professional, but please don't pretend to care. If something happened with me, it would be better for you in the long run, yes?

Wes015- Losing an important asset to Syntec wouldn't help anything, I can tell you that right now.

b27- I meant concerning Deb.

I imagined for a second what it would be like if I was gone. They would continue, together, happy. Without you. It hurt for some reason. For me to be gone, and others to still be happy.

Wes015- Listen, I know what she said hurt you, and it wasn't anything I coached her to say. She has a strong will and speaks her mind without the filter of emotions. And as awkward as this situation is, I still feel as if I owe you an apology. I never wanted any kind of relationship issues to enter the workplace for this exact reason.

Her words still stuck in my mind. 'you mean nothing to me.' 

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I just wanted to tell her about a new coffee place that she and Wes could've checked out. I knocked at her door. When she told me to come in, her voice was thick.

I entered, she was facing a window, looking out it.

"So there's this new coffee place," I started,"It's good, you and Wes should-"

"Look," She said, her voice cold,"It's not going to happen. You're not special. You're nothing. You mean nothing to me. Leave me alone." And with that, she stormed out of the room.

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Nothing. I was worth nothing. Her words then made Nelson calling me special all the more important to me.

b27- I don't need an apology, this chat is just for work-related purposes, yes?

 Wes015- Yes, of course. And I still think you shouldn't be testing this on yourself.

b27- I'm assuming you won't be sitting in on this test?

Wes015- No, my assistant will act as my proxy.

I scoffed, of course Scott would be sent in. Wes would often send Scott when things got messy.

Wes015- Please be honest with me, you're not doing this for Deb right? Not trying to prove yourself?

I narrowed my eyes at the screen. No. I assured myself. I'm doing this for the company. Not for her. Why would I be doing it for someone who thinks nothing of me?

b27- I respectfully ask you to not think of me as so juvenile. Whatever feelings I have for her she only has reserved for you. This is strictly about Pegasus right now.

I often wondered if what I said then was true. I haven't been able to truly decipher it.

Wes015- I don't think it's safe.

Dammit Wesley. He was getting in my head, creating doubts. I needed that conversation to end.

b27- If documented consent is what you need, this is me saying I am willingly going to preform it on myself. I shall see you once the testing is completed.

I couldn't stop my mind from echoing the insecurities Wes had planted inside my brain. If the test doesn't kill me first.