Deprived

Chapter 45 - Okay

Life was.... Easier. Lighter.

Jesse definitely sensed an improvement after the injection with the antidote to Draco's drug. His nightmares had lessened, the random tremors and panic attacks had slowly faded away and he was feeling more...aware of his surroundings.

Not at all the near drowning sensation he had experienced previously. The weird, floating sensation, almost as if he wasn't present but merely looking over his own shoulders as he roamed through the world.

And above all, the persistent memories, intrusive thoughts about James, how he died... Too often had Jesse's mind been exposed to a brutal re-enactment of James' murder.

Apparently, all because of that damned drug. A drug that was designed to create delusions in Jesse's mind.

If he had still been in Draco's grasp, he would've seen Draco as James, for as long as the drug was in his system. Would've loved on and treated Draco as if he were his long lost mate.

Only to step out of the fog of his dreams and into reality. To be faced with the horror of treating his kidnapper, his rapist, James' murderer, as his own mate.....

That would've broken Jesse. Even now, with that revelation, he shivered in disgust, holding himself tightly.

Worse was the fact that, with multiple doses, his memories would've been warped and altered. Jesse would no longer know what were genuine memories and what were drug altered figments of his imagination.

In other words, even the thought of James would've been sullied. The very mention of his name would've filled Jesse with disgust, first at James thinking it was Draco, and then at himself, because he could no longer trust his mind.

He would've been broken beyond repair. A mindless toy for the Improba to break, shatter and glue together, just to start the process again.

Yet Hisoka did warn Jesse and Xavier before they left. Had pointed out that the toxins within the drug would have a lasting effect on Jesse.

To what degree, would be impossible to predict. At least, normally. Thanks to the Kitsune's abilities, Jesse at least had some notion of what was to come.

"Any dream that you have of James will be hyper realistic." Hisoka had spoken softly. "You won't be able to differentiate it from reality, not until you wake up."

At that, Jesse's heart raced. It explained the nightmares, waking up because he felt as if he was being touched and the extreme disorientation that followed.

Jesse could also hear Hisoka's unspoken words. That, whatever fake memories the drug had concocted, would not go away. They would linger, and would turn into nightmares where James transformed into Draco.

The Improba's last and permanent hold over the Deprived. Something that he undoubtedly had designed into his drug, just so he could feed on all of the Deprived under his twisted, tormenting care.

After all, Jesse had been a test case. Draco's most prized test case, but one he was certain would make it through.

Xavier had already started an investigation to gently question the Deprived under their care. Ask them if Draco had fed them any kind of drug, injected them with anything.

Because there might be a chance that Draco had produced enough to start mass drugging every Deprived he had. But, there was a chance that the dose given to Jesse was the only one Draco had available.

After all, it didn't make sense to mass produce an experimental, potentially lethal drug.

It made Jesse feel slightly grateful, that at least his abuse had protected the other Deprived. This wasn't a fate he wished upon anyone.