If Only You Could See Me Now

Apparently having unrequited love for your best friend could not get anymore complicated. Well those people clearly haven't heard my story because trust me it can get a hell of a lot more complicated. So let me set the record straight...

I knew I probably shouldn't be here, with a quick glance backwards I eye the door behind me up and down. It isn’t too late to run back, slam the door behind me and keep running until my bedroom door is safely closed behind me. My eyes linger as for a while I briefly entertain the thought. But a smile soon plays across my lips as a small bubble of laughter rises inside me almost escaping and bursting out filling the silent room. “When was I ever the one who’d turn back at the last minute,” I thought to myself before turning my head once more to the room before me. It is a mess as per usual, clothes strewn over every surface, scattering out in every direction, radiating out into every corner, filling every bit of the room. Nothing has changed in the whole ten years I’ve known him. His bed is never made, there is always a crisp packet or chocolate bar wrapper to be found and of course there’s always some huge pile of homework which was due to be handed in... oh I don't know... aproximately two years ago spread across the floor. His mum had given up trying to keep the room tidy years ago, can't say I blame her.

I tip-toe my way across the room trying to find the few remaining islands of free space on his floor. I somehow navigate a way through the chaos, reach the desk and begin searching, picking my way through socks, school books and god knows what else. “Gotcha,” I whisper as my eyes fall upon what I had been searching for... I suddenly freeze as I hear footsteps in the corridor outside the room. With each step my heart thumps a little bit faster. I spin around just in time to see the handle turn and the door gradually creak open. Uh oh I think that means I'm busted.

“So you handed in my letter then?” I say sarcastically while brandishing the letter I had given him last week to hand in at school for me. “Yeah about that…,” Tom replies with a nervous laugh.

“You didn’t quite get around to it?” I finish for him raising my eyebrow.

“Yeah that probably would be the best reply. Sorry Jemmie?” he says hopefully as I shoot him a chilling glare. “You do realise you owe me a pizza now?” I smile, dropping my glare and unfolding my arms. “I guess I do,” Tom smiles back following me out the door.

Right let me fill in the blanks for you. Tom has known me since the first day of school. He says he can still remember that sinking feeling knowing he would have to spend the next year sitting next to the scrawny, freckle covered, little girl glaring moodily at him with the same glare she has ten years later. I was equally disgusted having to sit next to a boy to be perfectly honest. So it’s no surprise at first we refused to even look at each other let alone speak. It didn’t get much better when he realised he was sat next to the biggest swot in the classroom. Apparently I knew the answers to everything; it seemed I could never get an answer wrong. However as one day he got stuck during maths he began to realise the potential of sitting next to a swot. At first he simply sat staring at the problem, his brow furrowed in concentration. But no matter how hard he stared at it the problem didn’t sort itself out to his great annoyance. With a quick glance to the side he skimmed over my work searching for the question he was stuck on. He skimmed for just a bit too long and I shot him that all familiar glare he was becoming used to. He winced waiting for the ear piercing whine for the teacher to get him shouted at but instead I simply said with a smile “If you’re dumb enough to get caught you may as well just ask,” while pushing my book towards him. So after an initial rocky start we worked out a little system. I would allow him to copy of me as long as he would share his snack with me at break.