If Only You Could See Me Now

Chapter 4

Oh crap I'm late. I charge up the stairs taking two steps at a time desperate to get to my lesson on time. I rip open the classroom door and charge in... wwwaaaiiittt its okay it's only English with Mr. Jones. “Sorry I'm late sir.” He of course doesn't even look up; he doesn't even make any noise of recognition. Well if it's even possible his standards are slipping... Weird no one in the entire class has looked up either... Oh fantastic Jennifer has spread her poison so now the entire school is ignoring me… Never mind about that... My heart pounds with relief as I see Tom sat in his usual seat today. Maybe he has decided to believe me! He lifts his head and God he looks awful. He obviously didn't sleep at all last night due to the huge purple rings underneath his dull, exhausted eyes. It looks like he hasn’t slept for weeks but that’s impossible because he seemed fine yesterday. Well, good. He didn't deserve a peaceful sleep last night after the way he treated me yesterday. But I don't mean that at all... I think I feel worse because he looks so miserable and that's really unusual for Tom, he could find light and hope even if he was chucked into a bottomless pit. Then his eyes flick towards me and he jumps. His eyes widen and he looks like he has just seen a ghost. He blinks at me for a couple of seconds then abruptly throws his head back down and continues with his work. Great I was kind of hoping it would just be a case of just saying sorry but it looks like he is trying to ignore the fact that I am even here. “Hey,” I say sitting down. He lifts his head slowly looks at me with the oddest expression then whispers, “Jem?”

“Yeah?” I reply cautiously. He doesn't reply he just sits there in a trance. Well it looks like he is ignoring me. This is pathetic. So for the second time in a row I actually do some work in English, (this must be some kind of record!)

When the bell goes I have had time to think about this. I'm not going to sit back and let my best friend be torn away from me. I am not going to let him ignore me. We have to sort this out, I can't lose him. I’ve got to be the bigger person here. Maybe I’m just going to have to tell him the truth about what happened all those years ago. He would believe me then, right? I really want to know what elaborate lie Jennifer came up with to turn blame the incident on me.

Tom packs up his things at an extraordinarily fast pace and darts out the class. Luckily I was expecting this so I fly out the classroom after him in quick succession. He’s not going to escape me that easily and I can be bloody stubborn when I want to be. “Tom will you please just hear me out,” I shout across the corridor. He stops, blinks his eyes, runs his hands through his hair and mutters, “Jesus Christ I need to get some sleep.”

“Tom I am not going away until you talk to me! There is an empty classroom over there please can we just talk,” I shout my desperation filling the emptying corridor. The entire school is actually ignoring me. I’m shouting and not one person is even turning around to look at me. What is going on? He nods his head then seemingly unsure makes his way into the classroom.

“Jem is that really you?” is strangely enough the first thing he says. He’s staring intently at me as if I am going to disappear at any moment. “Of course it's bloody me,” I snap my patience running short. Why is he acting like this? Is it completely necessary to play stupid games? “But you can't be here,” he corrects me.

“What because of Jennifer?” I answer back the contempt clearly present in my tone. I spit out her name in disgust. “But you really can’t be here,” he repeats. I register the tone of that sentence. He’s not suggesting I’m not allowed to be here, he’s suggesting that it is impossible that I’m here. “Tom what are you talking about?” I ask in panic.

“You can't be here because..., because of the..., crash,” he says in between outbreaks of almost tears. Wait what?!? Then it all comes flooding back every last excruciating memory: the tyres, the screams, the impact, the thud, the crunch and the unbearable, all consuming agony. “I'm dead?” I splutter in blind panic. I’m dead. I’m actually dead. I barely even had a chance to live! This can’t be right… its… its not fair! “No, no you're not dead,” Tom quickly replies. His voice cuts through my panic immediately stopping my flurry of thoughts. "You’re in a coma... I'm so sorry,” he continues. “It's all my fault you wouldn't have stormed out like that if it weren't for me. I never got to tell you how sorry I am for saying all those awful things to you.” I'm in a coma?!? Then how am I here with Tom? What on earth is going on... am I going to die? “I was ignoring you and putting you last when you should always come first. You’ve been my best friend for so long I should have immediately took your side or at least given you the benefit of the doubt.  I can’t get over that the last thing I did was shout at you. It’s been tearing me apart. I’m the reason you’re in the coma. It’s all my fault.” Can only Tom see me? Seems like it... yeah I shouted down the corridor and only he turned round. Wait what has he been saying? “Jem please, please forgive me. I can't live without you. You're my best friend! I keep turning around expecting to see you laughing along with me but you're never there. What if you're never going to be there? Jem I miss you like crazy,” Tom finishes tears glistening in his eyes threatening to escape. My heart leaps in my chest as for the first time I realise how guilty he must have felt. “Of course I forgive you,” I reply quickly going to wrap my hands around him. But my fingers just sink straight through him. He jumps as if an electric current has just shot through his body. With nothing to support my weight I end up flying through the air crashing back down to the floor in a heap.

There is a moment of silence when my brain already saturated with new information tries to catch up with what has just happened. Well that hurt my bum quite a bit... Then from behind me I hear a splutter. At first I thought it was Tom bursting into tears again but when I twist my head he is trying not to laugh. With that all the tensions and questions are quickly swept from my mind. “Haha very funny,” I mutter sarcastically while pulling myself to my feet. “Look at it this way I'm not the one sat talking to myself in a classroom,” I add.

“Give it a rest Casper,” he retorts. I jokingly glare at him and stick out my tongue.

“God I missed you,” he laughs as we walk out the door back into the corridor joining the by now faint trickle of people going to their next lesson. “So only you can hear me?” I ask. He nods discreetly. “So that's why you're not answering?” Once again I get a discreet nod. “So effectively you're talking to thin air?” Another discrete nod. “Well Tom I think you've finally lost it.” I tease. He shoots me a look that clearly reads ‘haha very funny now shut it.’ A huge smile spreads across my face as I realise I have just got my best friend back. The questions and fears swirling in the back of my mind can wait for now. I just want to forget everything that has happened so I can be with Tom the way I used to.