If Only You Could See Me Now

Chapter 10

Tom's POV

"Tom she loves you."

Wait... what? Did Lily just say…? She didn’t mean Jem… No...no, she has clearly got this wrong. I flip my head to study Jem... oh peas and rice. Jem’s face is a picture of pure horror eyes wide in panic. What am I supposed to do now? Then before I even have a chance to let the information sink in she just runs away, leaving me dumbfounded behind her. "I KNEW IT!!!" Jen screeches behind me. Jem loves me... she loves me? Newly formed thoughts are jostling through my mind grappling for my attention but I can't concentrate on anything. Do I feel the same way about her? I do love her but as my friend I have never given a second thought about something more than that. Even if I did feel the same way is it worth risking our entire relationship on something that probably won't work out? I mean think about it logically how many couples do you know that met the love of their lives when they were still at school? So if it doesn't work out and things ended badly could we still keep a friendship? Is it possible to uncross that line once it has been crossed? No. It's not worth risking. Jem means everything to me and nothing is worth risking her over. But how can I tell her that I don't think it's a good idea? How do I tell her that I'm not in love with her? She is my best friend, she is so much a part of me that she may as well be my shadow; she's my soulmate... so I love her. What am I saying of course I love her? I can't tell her I don't want to be with her because that's a lie! Oh shit I need to go after her. “Tom don’t you dare blank me!” Jen screeches again.

“What part of it’s over do you not understand?” I snap back.

“Tom I am not going to let you make this mistake! You clearly haven’t thought this through,” she insists placing her hand on her hip and glaring menacingly. “Great psychoanalysis Jen, I’m going to go now,” I say tonelessly before leaving her glaring behind me.

I sprint madly down the playground pushing through currents of giggling year sevens. My eyes scan the playground, desperately hunting for even the smallest glimpse of her. My heart is hammering madly in my chest, where is she? Finally I spot her at the bottom end of the sports field and I sprint over to her. "Jem!" I shout across the field. A few year nines look at me as if I am a mad man and a couple of them start whispering to their friends the situation but I couldn't care less I just surge past not stopping until I reached her side. "Jem is it true?" I immediately blurt out. She looks up at me with the same expression of horror glued to her face. "Tom... I," she begins then stops and shakes her head the words getting caught halfway up her throat. "Jem please, I need to hear it from you," I plead with every inch of my being.

"I can't say it. I wish I could. I would have told you before but I just couldn't bring myself to do it," she replies apologetically. "Why?" I ask her my eyes searching hers for any form of an answer. She turns to face me fully and just shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. With nothing left to say we just stand there observing each other with a burning curiosity. It is as if I am looking at an entirely different person. She is still my Jemmie but she seems so different. But good different. I have never realised just how beautiful she is. She's not obviously and vainly pretty like Jen. Jen is too pretty if you know what I mean besides she isn't modest about it; she knows she is pretty and she uses it to her advantage. But Jem, she's interestingly pretty... it's hard to describe. It is sort of like you have to take a second glance before you notice just how stunning she actually is. Her loose mahogany brown curls tumble down past her shoulders cascading down her back effortlessly framing her heart shaped face. But without a doubt her best quality are her eyes. Enormous, electrifying and entrancing bright green eyes that show her wit and humour by the shine flickering in them. I just stand there taking in every last freckle and dimple. She’s the same. The same eyes, freckles, dimples and face but somehow everything is different.

I really, really like her. I can't believe I've never noticed this before, my heart is going mad it feels as though it's about to burst through my chest, I feel like I want to laugh, cry, jump, shout for joy and tear my hair out all at the same time. I can't move, think or even breathe. We've been standing like this for an unbearable amount of time and neither of us can work out what to do next. This is killing me I want to kiss her. I can't take it any longer I pull her towards me and just kiss her. A white hot fizz of excitement bursts out of control inside me as I entwine my fingers through her hair. She catches up with what has just happened and wraps her hands around my neck and kisses me back.

Pulling away I can't help but to grin from ear to ear like some sort of lunatic. Somehow it didn't seem wrong. It suddenly seemed so simple why Jem couldn't tell me how she felt. Why she couldn't say those simple three words. It wasn't because she didn't fully mean them or believe in them. The reason is much harder to explain than that. Basically those words had been said between us a hundred times before. They had been said by both of us since the day we met each other. They were uttered between us in unspoken whispers dancing between us. What is the point of repeating what has already been said? Besides even old Billy Shakespeare couldn't put into a sonnet what I feel when I look into her eyes so what chance did Jem have of putting it into words? With us those three words are more clear unspoken than spoken. She belonged here, arms around me and lips next to mine. Wait arms around me! "Jem you just touched me," I blurt out. I didn't jump, she didn't sink through me! She was solid! We are so thrilled and too busy jumping around in exhilarated joy that we don’t even notice it at first. A small portion of her hand is fading becoming as translucent as glass just at the tip of her little finger until her entire hand disappears altogether. It is only until half her arm is missing that we finally notice it. But it is just too late. It spreads like wild fire to the rest of her body completely engulfing her and before I can make any attempt to stop it she’s gone. In a blink of an eye she has gone completely. "JEM!" I scream fear spilling out of me. But there is no reply she has really gone. I stand for a few seconds watching the spot where just a few moments ago she had stood in a panic stricken confusion. Within seconds I have worked out my next move. I need to see her. The real her that is. I need to get to the hospital and fast.